I think my marriage is over

[Blossomyard85]

I’m pretty sure my marriage is over. There are a number of issues. The biggest one is that DH dislikes my family. It’s a very long story and started off with just my parents, but now he dislikes all but one of my siblings (I have a large family). This has been an issue for a number of years and makes me totally miserable because I cannot have a normal relationship with my family and feel like I’m missing out on a lot. For example, this was supposed to be my turn for Christmas with my family (we alternate years). My sister hosted and said DH was welcome to come as long as he was polite and made an effort to interact with my family. DH he would come but didn’t want to talk to most of the family (he would just stay in that playroom and play with the kids). In the end, the DC and I spent Xmas Eve with my family and we spent Xmas day at home with just me, DH and DC. It was a muted affair and I felt very sad about missing out on being with the rest of my family. We had an argument about the whole situation about a week before Christmas and since then it has been like we are co-existing in the same house. We have all had a bit of a cold and DH has been moping about complaining about how ill he is. He has been lying in bed until late morning and keeps retreating to our bedroom or the sitting room to watch TV or scroll on his phone. He isn’t playing with the DC or really helping much with things about the house. Unless DH is prepared to start making an effort, I don’t see how our marriage can continue. When do I speak to him and how do I initiate the conversation? I feel like he will be angry about it.

I used to work with a lovely man, from Tennessee. He once said to me ' you know, sometimes a girl needs her mom'. I've always thought that was just so thoughtful of him. You needed your mum and your useless, controlling husband wanted to deny you that comfort. Your 'D'h wasn't thoughtful, he wasn't caring, he wasn't kind. He deserves to be dumped, I hope he enjoys being by himself.

Reading your back story, I’d confidently say your ‘D’ H is controlling and abusive.

he is also very jealous and possessive. None of these behaviours have an upside.

my ExH was like this, but not as obvious. Yet he is a particularly nasty abusive man who still tries to control me through our kids for years.

it sounds like you have so much to gain from leaving this man. You will have a loving and supportive family to lean on and - most importantly- your children will grow up knowing what a good family situation looks like.

please leave him- he isn’t just abusing you, but your kids too.

Personally - I think you have two choices here:
...1. You put your foot down and say - it's OK you don't like my family, but I do. I will have a relationship with them w/o you - will visit and stay as needed w/o you controlling when we are back, etc.

Alternatively -

...2. We divorce and and have kids 50/50 (he'll probably not manage that anyway, but lets just assume). I'll have a relationship with my family on my time without your control.

Either way - H - I will continue to have relationship with my family. You don't need to like it, but you can not continue to impose on it.