How soon did you meet someone new?

millymollymoomoo · 20/12/2025 12:58

You should focus on finding someone

You should focus on healing and focussing on your own life - be happy in your own and comfortable in your own skin and life - then good things will happen!

You’re not damaged goods. You’re a strong independent women who is worthy of love / but when you chose it and when they are good enough for you. You’ve been hurt and betrayed - take time to recover

loveawineloveacrisp · 20/12/2025 13:20

I divorced at 40. Really didn't want anyone else for a while, enjoyed my own company for a year. Then met someone about 18 months after my divorce.

You're not damaged goods, you don't even have kids to put someone off. Enjoy your own company for a bit.

millymollymoomoo · 20/12/2025 13:39

I meant to say you should NOT focus on finding someone but can’t edit my post

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/12/2025 13:46

I divorced my cheating husband (25 years together) a few years ago. Was on my (much needed) own for about a year, then I got together with my now partner. I wasn’t looking or doing any dating, it just happened! Take some time to heal op, and be on your own. Do the OLD thing if you want, at a point of your choosing - you are not ‘damaged goods’ and get that thought out of your head!

Original poster

sunflower751 · 20/12/2025 15:25

Thanks ladies. I agree, time to heal is important. I have a brilliant therapist and the marriage hasn’t been good for some time so I think I’m doing better than anticipated in regards to healing timeline. I just feel he’s wasted so much of my life I want to move forward and be happy and hopefully meet somebody genuine. The only thing I’m really struggling with at the moment though is how I’ll ever trust again- something I’ll work on in therapy I guess.

OP posts:

Original poster

sunflower751 · 20/12/2025 15:27

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/12/2025 13:46

I divorced my cheating husband (25 years together) a few years ago. Was on my (much needed) own for about a year, then I got together with my now partner. I wasn’t looking or doing any dating, it just happened! Take some time to heal op, and be on your own. Do the OLD thing if you want, at a point of your choosing - you are not ‘damaged goods’ and get that thought out of your head!

Thank you so much for sharing ♥️ how did you meet your partner?

OP posts:

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/12/2025 15:37

sunflower751 · 20/12/2025 15:27

Thank you so much for sharing ♥️ how did you meet your partner?

Show quote history

We met through mutual friends @sunflower751. We knew each other as acquaintances in a group for a few years while I was married, but lost touch as I cut myself off socially for a bit while going through the divorce, etc. He got in touch to see how I was and if I was ok, and the thing just snowballed from there, lol. He is also divorced. We are very happy (and you will be too, just take your time). X

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/12/2025 15:41

PS I also didn’t think I would trust again after I was so blindsided by my husbands cheating, lying, etc. Somehow you just do though, when the other person is genuine. Or that’s what I found anyway. The feelings of anger over wasting so many years on a cheating rat however have not dimmed much (yet anyway, but it’s been 8 years now), but I don’t dwell on it - you can’t change the past and I know at least I was genuine and authentic in that relationship and he was not.

LookingOutToSee · 20/12/2025 15:45

I was in almost exactly same situation with age, fertility issues and cheating husband. Met new partner almost immediately when I went on an app looking to distract myself. I agree you need to focus on yourself and creating a new , happy life for yourself- but I think it’s fine and understandable to try dating when or if you want to and you shouldn’t feel guilty about doing it.

it’s a horrible thing going through divorce at that age when lots of people busy with their own lives- try to connect with friends etc too as much as you can. Take care.

Missj25 · 20/12/2025 20:28

sunflower751 · 20/12/2025 12:34

Morning all

Urgh I am really struggling to see the light. In the middle of a divorce after my husband of 8 years (together 14) walked out and has had an affair.
He hid everything so well and I have no idea at the moment how I’m ever going to trust someone again. All I know is that I don’t want to be on my own forever and this really scares me 😢. I am 35 in February and we were going through fertility treatment which makes everything sting so much more.

I would love to find someone but feel like I’ve lost my chance and everyone will think I’m ’damaged goods’. After being in a relationship for 14 years I have no idea how to date! I’m worried I’ll be terrible at it.

Please can anyone share if you went through a divorce and met someone better? Success stories would really help me right now, with it being the lead up to Christmas especially I am in a very dark place 😢 xx

OP , take time out , don’t go looking for a partner when you’re not in the right head space .
Trust me I know !
I had a very messy break up with a long time partner.
He cheated with his work colleague for a year behind my back.
Left me for her , I was devastated.
I then went on a mission to meet someone, I chose badly , ignored red flags cause I was still grieving my relationship, wasn’t in the right head space , I should have taken time out to heal .
Separated now 10 years , I don’t know who was worse ! , the guy who cheated on me or my Ex !

BlahBlah2025 · 20/12/2025 20:34

Take your time OP. A friend got pregnant at 41. There’s still time. Lick your wounds for a bit and heal and then go out and see what’s out there. You can’t know if someone will be genuine I guess but life is a gamble. The winner takes it all to some extent but you have to play the game, otherwise you’re just watching from the sidelines… pain is always a possibility but even in the event of infidelity we heal and can cope and move on…

Terrytheweasel · 20/12/2025 20:41

You’re definitely not damaged goods. You have to remember what you have to offer someone. I waited 6 years as my children were very young and I wanted to heal from an abusive relationship. I built myself up again and did OLD which was a brilliant experience. I met someone who I’ve been with ever since - now 2.5 years.
The key is to remember that you are a catch.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 20/12/2025 22:10

I threw exh out end of June. Had a fling with a fit soldier for 3 months from August until October..
Met a tall, dark, handsome stranger in the November..
Married him 20 months later and had a dc at 43!!
Been together 13 years now!

CamillaMcCauley · 20/12/2025 22:27

I know meeting someone to have kids with may be your main concern here but honestly, you have plenty of time and opportunity to meet someone.

I divorced at 46 and was NOT looking to meet anyone but a year on, I did (he pursued me). He is lovely in many ways but two years further along I am thinking I don’t want the hassle of blending a family or being in a relationship and may just prefer to be by myself.

I really encourage you to focus on yourself and building an independent life that you are happy with first and worry about meeting someone new later.

FloydPink · 21/12/2025 00:18

I started dating a month after splitting from ex.

Soon yes but a) I am a guy and we do move quicker and b) the relationship took a year to die so was over it by the time we did. It gave me a focus and put fun back in my life

TheOnlySingle · 21/12/2025 00:22

Haven’t, been single 10 years

Jimbob98 · 21/12/2025 07:12

Guy here. Broke it off with my ex last summer although it had been dead for 2 years previous and have a 3 and 5 year old. I went on the apps within a couple of months, met 2 people for 1 date each, realised I wasn’t ready and parked it all.

So much to sort with still with house, my living arrangements (I stayed with a mate, now renting) she’s still in the house. And adapting to new life, quite simply I don’t have time to meet someone and I don’t think I’m the best version of myself yet. I’ll just meet someone when I’m ready, far more important stuff going on with regards my sons, money, work etc

firstofallimadelight · 21/12/2025 07:28

I was quite young when I divorced (27) I had around 2 years single having fun before I started seriously dating. This was around 2007/8 so dating apps weren’t a thing like they are now. I tried a on line dating website but it was largely men wanting sex.
I worked in a pub so I dated a couple of guys there but it came to nothing. A friend organised a night out with her new boyfriend, (who she met at work) his friends and her friends and I met my husband there.
if I found myself single now I doubt I’d bother dating but if I did I’d probably use tinder or similar.

Original poster

sunflower751 · 21/12/2025 08:43

LookingOutToSee · 20/12/2025 15:45

I was in almost exactly same situation with age, fertility issues and cheating husband. Met new partner almost immediately when I went on an app looking to distract myself. I agree you need to focus on yourself and creating a new , happy life for yourself- but I think it’s fine and understandable to try dating when or if you want to and you shouldn’t feel guilty about doing it.

it’s a horrible thing going through divorce at that age when lots of people busy with their own lives- try to connect with friends etc too as much as you can. Take care.

So sorry to hear you went through something so similar, you’re right it feels extra cruel at this age and given the fertility treatment.
I started this year thinking I might have a family/be pregnant and it’s ended with a traumatic divorce 😢
I’m so glad to hear you found your person, it gives me hope xxx

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PinkGorilla · 22/12/2025 11:47

Oh bless you. My husband left me in January. I briefly dated an ex colleague from April-August, but then called it off as it didn't feel right. I just assumed I wasn't ready for another relationship yet. Then went on Hinge with the aim to just date casually. I saw it as a way to just enjoy being taken out for a meal and have some male company/conversation now and again and be complimented a little. It was very fun and then I met my current boyfriend in September. Although I had already decided I wasn't ready for anything serious and just wanted meals/company, I fell for him straight away. I absolutely adore him and things are going well. So maybe just go into online dating with that mindset of just enjoying being treated a little and having some attention?

Also you don't need a man to have a baby! My friend was approaching 40 and still hadn't met Mr Right, so she went through the sperm donor route (legitimate, not one night stand) and she now has a beautiful 4yr old little boy. She also met a lovely man about a year or so ago who has took on her son as his own.

CutePixieGirl · 22/12/2025 11:51

I met someone 18 months after my exH left. We had a mutual friend who introduced us. We were both 50.

I am much better suited to my new partner (I say new, it's been 4.5 years now and he has just moved in). Our relationship is far less up and down.

We took things very slowly and I would definitely recommended this.

You will meet someone else, OP. People in their 80's find new love.

I hope all your dreams come true in 2026 ❤

LookingOutToSee · 22/12/2025 18:44

@sunflower751
Do have hope! I know it’s so, so difficult when you’re in the thick of it. But you’ll build a better life for yourself and you will be happy again.

My new partner is a million times kinder, funnier and generally suited to me than my ex husband was. I suppose I knew what I wasn’t looking for when I started dating again and it took a really good and kind man for me to be able to trust again.

I hope you have friends and family around you for support and that you have a chance to relax and unwind over Christmas. X

buymeflowers · 22/12/2025 18:52

OP, you are not damaged goods. My exH had an affair with a colleague and soon after our seperation I got involved with someone. Not even a relationship, a situationship. I was traumatised by the breakdown of my marriage and he just wanted to use me. I ignored the red flags thinking I only wanted something casual anyway. It absolutely crushed me, in some ways worse than my divorce. He saw me having the hardest time of my life and went out of his way to make it harder.

The best analogy I’ve heard is if you are staving, you will eat anything. Food you don’t like, food you wouldn’t usually tolerate. If you are satisfied, you will be more choosy and select what you actually want. You’ll say no thanks to those old chicken bones. I was starving and I ate scraps out of the bin. I’m trying to work on myself to feel more secure before I get back out there. All the other stories give me some hope.

autumn1610 · 22/12/2025 19:00

Don’t just rush to be with someone. Me and my partner broke up when I was 36 (no kids) but I tried dating after a few months wasn’t ready did some stupid quick flings. Met someone probably 6 months in saw him for about 6 months but then he got back with his ex and that hurt a lot. And now I’m 38 (just) and I cba with it all I really can’t. I’ve gone on and off online dating been on a few again this year and it’s like I’ve closed myself off maybe. I’ve accepted I will likely be child free and currently ok with that

RyanFudgingMurphy · 22/12/2025 19:00

I divorced pretty quickly after separating in May 2024. I haven't had a partner since. I can't be bothered tbh.