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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

He’s filed for divorce

45 replies

adamsappleinthetree · 30/11/2025 22:15

We fell for each other two years ago.

He’s avoided leaving or upsetting the children while they go through the tricky high school exams.

He’s now filed.

Is it ok to be in touch with him while he goes though these next tricky months before he moves out or should I give him space?

The marriage has been over for a long time, before we’d met.

OP posts:
GeorgeEdwardsMum · 30/11/2025 22:17

No. HTH.

Fifty50Fifty · 30/11/2025 22:18

No.

Ticktockwatchclock · 30/11/2025 22:21

The marriage has been over for a long time, before we’d met.
That may be what he has told you but it is very likely that he has still been sleeping with his wife and living as a family.
And just remember, if he has cheated on one wife he is likely to cheat on you too once he gets bored and things become mundane.

BitOutOfPractice · 30/11/2025 22:23

Oldest lie in the book.

anyway, are you not in daily touch anyway if you are the OW?

Original poster
adamsappleinthetree · 01/12/2025 14:02

I have suggested we have some space while he goes through the divorce, although I’ve no idea how long this will be. Neither of us want this space but I wonder if I should for our future.

OP posts:
Creu · 01/12/2025 14:10

Ooh how romantic! Love this for you (and him!) I wonder what your exciting first steps will be as a couple? Last two years waiting around must have been difficult time.

Shame there isn’t a specific section on MN for ‘the OW’ so you could get advice from others. 🥰

Kbroughton · 01/12/2025 14:14

So you think now is the time to give him space not in the last 2 years while he wasnt separated. If this is real, then yes give him space so he can work out how best to support his family

FelixRyark · 01/12/2025 14:21

Oh this has to be a troll or rage bait.

If It’s true and he has filed (as he is a liar liar pants on fire…lying to his wife, his kids, his wider family…I would not believe it) it ain’t over until the fat lady sings as they say.

He will keep you dangling until he can’t or you wake up from your delusions and realise he is not a keeper.

Go find a nice man, with his life is some sort of order, who has a good relationship with his family and you don't need to be kept a secret.

vitalityvix · 01/12/2025 14:44

If someone told me on a first date that they’re a liar and a cheat I’d run for the hills. How bizarre that you’d wait around for 2 years for that.

I don’t know what you think giving him space now will achieve.

Suednymph · 01/12/2025 14:47

adamsappleinthetree · 01/12/2025 14:02

I have suggested we have some space while he goes through the divorce, although I’ve no idea how long this will be. Neither of us want this space but I wonder if I should for our future.

I think two years ago that is what you should have done.

Ariel896 · 01/12/2025 15:04

Creu · 01/12/2025 14:10

Ooh how romantic! Love this for you (and him!) I wonder what your exciting first steps will be as a couple? Last two years waiting around must have been difficult time.

Shame there isn’t a specific section on MN for ‘the OW’ so you could get advice from others. 🥰

😂

PhuckTrump · 01/12/2025 15:06

If this thread isn’t a rage bait windup, it’s incredibly naive and pays no heed to red flags. (Not to mention, incredibly sad for the children caught in the crosshairs of this “love story”.)

Original poster
adamsappleinthetree · 01/12/2025 15:31

It’s not rage bait. It’s my honest share.

Maybe I wanted to hear the rage, though. Honest opinions, are why we are here.

OP posts:
BernardButlersBra · 01/12/2025 15:36

Creu · 01/12/2025 14:10

Ooh how romantic! Love this for you (and him!) I wonder what your exciting first steps will be as a couple? Last two years waiting around must have been difficult time.

Shame there isn’t a specific section on MN for ‘the OW’ so you could get advice from others. 🥰

Yep especially with Christmas only around the corner. Hopefully the star crossed lovers will be together soon! 💕

Back in the real world his wife is probably sick of his shagging about, whether with you or with you and others. Your relationship started off on a terrible footing and places you in the position most likely, of always wondering if he's cheating on you. It's not the best start and most likely has poor survival odds. But l guess you are going to crack on as you're "in love" 🙄

Viviennemary · 01/12/2025 15:36

Cobblers. Stop breaking up this famil y.

BlueSkies2026 · 01/12/2025 15:38

upsetting the children while they go through the tricky high school exams.

I can assure you that the children will be upset whether they're going through exams or not because they're children and it's their family.

If you would like an analogy, cheating is like detonating a grenade bomb in your relationship / family.

Sidebeforeself · 01/12/2025 15:41

This sounds like the premise of a bodice ripper novel.

BadgernTheGarden · 01/12/2025 15:41

If he's been living with his wife and children up to this point his marriage hasn't been over for years, his wife probably just found out it was over. And unfortunately you are probably the reason it is over, as others have said he will almost certainly cheat on you too in the future. Too late to worry about upsetting anyone by being in touch with him or are you worried about his credibility in court and reputation when he says it's mutual and no one else is involved?

nopiesleftinthisvehicle · 01/12/2025 15:45

AI still has some way too go. 🙄
Must try harder Mumsnet.

JudgeBread · 01/12/2025 15:47

Naïve little twit 🤣

Hoppinggreen · 01/12/2025 15:54

Oh what a lovely heartwarming story.
You must just be the love of his life and its only right that he explodes his familiy's lives to be with you instead

He cheated with you, he is probably going to cheat on you at some point

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 01/12/2025 15:56

That poor woman, I feel for HER

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 01/12/2025 16:12

Have you seen proof or has he just told you?

There's no point having space if he is leaving her for you.

Elektra1 · 01/12/2025 16:34

When you say you fell for each other 2 years ago, does that mean you’ve been having a full blown affair for 2 years or chastely waiting for him to end his marriage while having an emotional affair which gives him an easy route out of the marriage as and when he wants it? Either way is not great, but at least the latter scenario may allow him to say with a straight face that he didn’t have sex outside his marriage.

I have friends who’ve had affairs. My ex-wife had one and left me for the OW. I’d say that if you want a chance of a future relationship with this man which will not be beset with resentment, rage and hurt from his wife, children and wider social circle, you want as much of a distance as possible until the divorce is done and dusted. Once news of you is out, you don’t control the narrative any more: his ex (still current) wife will. Generally speaking, betrayed wives are very hurt and angry even if the marriage was “over” for ages (highly subjective and just because that’s what he’s said to you, doesn’t mean that’s what she thinks).

Bambamhoohoo · 01/12/2025 16:36

Don’t you know him well enough, or know enough about the divorce, to be able to answer that yourself?