Adjusting to living alone post separation

[PancakesForElephants]

For those of you who've been through it, please can you share advice on adjusting? I'm a few months into new place, DC not really staying yet, and I'm struggling.

I don't want to live alone but here I am. It's scary and weird and overwhelming. I had lots of people say, oh you'll feel so much better when you don't have to live with ex (he started dating someone else, a "friend" immediately). And I don't. I think he's an arse but I hate the feeling no one's got my back. Noone to discuss decisions with. Noone to plan things with. Noone to share life admin. Noone to tell you it's going to be ok. Noone to help if I got sick.

I try to focus on the positives but I'm finding little joy day to day. Can't be bothered to cook, it's just me, I don't want to go out and be miserable in company, I see a few friends but feels like I'm going through the motions and ex has made me a bit paranoid that I'm awful and unlovable.

You don’t have to have any goals - you are allowed to sit and feel your emotions. If you really do feel that you need them, remember that goals can be small and manageable and not just big things that you have to work hard at. A goal can be going for a walk 3 times a week, or trying a new recipe. Something by that you know you enjoy. A goal can also be “I will be kind to myself for as long as I need”.

I hope everyone is ok. I’m spending Xmas day with my Ex-H and the rest of my whole family (the kids wanted it, and I want them to feel happy). It is bringing up thoughts of how he could be particularly mean and emotionally abusive at this time of year but I keep repeating to myself “he can’t hurt me anymore”. It’s quite liberating not having to have to second guess what mood he will be in or whether he will help or not (or help and intentionally so something so badly that I have to do it again).
Every day, even the bad ones, is step further away from the misery he caused and a step closer to peace.

Get a grabber stick from Amazon, grab the mug between the pincers, turn it over and place it over the spider from a distance! You would still have to slide the card underneath though - or perhaps someone else would do that for you!

WELL DONE on the motorway! Very glad for you! I have never driven on a motorway, so I am impressed!

Post divorce my ex didn’t have the eldest. Just the youngest a few hours every other week and then now 6 times a year. For me my dogs are my loves. My ex still (12 years on) causes issues and winds everyone up but my husband deals with him on the whole.

I am now married to the love of my life and he is the love of my life honestly he is my person.

I did not date for ages. I dated some idiots (short fuse!) but I had high standards and I always said never again but my god I’m glad I found my husband - I’m lucky I have great kids and great dogs too xx

my dog is a dickhead but still lovely to have him, he's kept me going. Animals give us so much.

Are those grabber sticks any good? I worry about missing the spider and it running towards me! 😂

I would focus on a hobby, one out of the house and one inside to make your home nice - diy, embroidery, cooking, crafts etc. and consider a lodger if you’d like a friend to chat to in the evenings

You have to sit with it and learn how to be alone again. You'll find moments of joy. My hot tips on the food thing is a routine to chop stuff up once a week so its easier to cook, and batch cooking and freezing also makes it really easy ... sad though this is, eating properly and a bit of exercise every day will really help too.

I’ve just got divorced, but living together until house sells. I can’t wait to get my own place again. I loved living on my own before-did it for 13 years. I’ll have DD 50/50 but I have so many plans for my days on my own!

I think you have to expect it to take some time @PancakesForElephants if you aren’t used to it. You don’t need a plan immediately but it will come together naturally eventually. A bit of structure to your days will help, even if you are just going through the motions to start with.