Complaining about a mediator

[wizzdexter1]

Has anybody ever complained about a mediator or raise a complaint about their mediator? I’m thinking about doing this because our mediator showed bias, overcharged, gave incorrect legal information and a host of other things like spending 3 1/2 hours writing up our financial details on a whiteboard when all our finances had already been given via email

Does your ex agree?

How is that a useful or relevant question?

The job of a mediator is literally to work with couples who are disagreeing about things.

Think about it

the complaint will have a lot more punch if both sides agree 🙄

Think about it a bit more.

If the mediator is biased then one party will be unfairly advantaged over the other, and is therefore unlikely to have any complaints

I would say it's a very relevant question.

Your second sentence explains why. In my view anyway.

I went to marriage guidance with my first wife one...JUST ONCE.

She refused to go back.

Now think about it even more

the op thinks the mediator was biased
it is quite possible the ex thinks the mediator was biased

and the op lists other issues which would impact both parties in terms of unnecessary time wasting

I wouldn’t know but doubtfully as the bias favoured them

Yup She refused to go back.

She opened up to the counsellor a bit re her behaviour , then afterwards she said the counsellor was rubbish, that she took my side.

She never went back.

Looking back though, this is probably not a good example, because I was an abused husband. However, I think her opening up to the counsellor, and hearing herself describe things to a third party, maybe threw her into a denial thing.

However, years later, I did find myself in mediation for a work matter. It was over accomodation on a work away job, and I was not happy about the fella I had to share with.

I felt that mediator was biased against me, because he was the other fellas boss, but I gritted my teeth, shook hands etc, and tried the plan.

And yes. I realised it was me who was in the wrong. The other fella was ok, and we ended up getting on well.

I would not want to be a mediator, that's for sure.

I suppose it'll depend if the bias you perceived is genuine or if your ex is actually receiving a fair split.
I expect they get a lot of complaints from those who feel hard done by.

There are about six things I’m going to complain about and by the way Mediation did not complete and we are still trying to sort things via solicitors. I will give you one example I was asked what I wanted Which I replied to and then they were asked the same question then they replied then the mediator said is there anything else? So I would call this biased she was encouraging them to ask for more whereas she didn’t do the same for me. We should’ve both been asked exactly the same question.
I asked the question on here to see if anybody else had done this just so I could see what happened. I’m quite angry about how The mediator handle things and I’ve taken legal advice that has suggested that I have a valid complaint so that is why I’m gonna do. I am going to complain.

Maybe the mediator is trying to make sure nothing is left out ?

Can I ask who is the driver behind this itemised split ? If that is what it is of course, I am trying to read between lines here.

I said above about marriage guidance. That was my first wife.

My second divorce, she kept it all. We were both fine with what, after all, when we first got together I had promised her that. It was still a very bad split though. But she kept it all. I never claimed any of it.

But then, about a year after, out of the blue, she sent me a demand I pay a phone bill.

She got the house, car etc... and she still sent me a phone bill .

That's why I ask who is driving the asset split, sorry.

I mean that phone bill always got me. Why ?

I think she wanted to punish me. To strike back, to cause me hurt. To remind me ?

So I have to ask, sorry again, are either of you using the asset spit to punish the other, and the mediator is sort of stuck in the middle ?

We have 2 x 2 hour sessions It was only towards the very end of the second session when we were asked what we wanted no negotiations have taken place before then which is why I think it was strange that she prompted him to ask for more while she didn’t ask me

Did he want more ?

The above should read we had 2 x 2 hour Mediation sessions so four hours total. For that we were charged 2000 quid so that’s another of my complaints for too long was taken over putting the figures together £2000 for about 15 minutes worth of negotiations A rip off if you ask me taking advantage of people with now at their lowest

That's a fair point I reckon.

So who was the driver in the split of assets that led to an expensive mediator ?

We didn’t get chance to argue about the assets no more solicitors or mediators for me they are one big rip off

I think you should complain. I hated the mediator that we saw. She did everything that you have said and very evidently favoured my ex-husband, which benefitted him by a huge portion of our assets. I considered complaining but at the time I just wanted the whole process to be over so went ahead with the final settlement to a solicitor (who was concerned that a judge wouldn’t approve it as it was so uneven - we had to write an extra statement to confirm that I was happy with the terms and happy to make up the difference by working longer…so stupid of me in retrospect).

The whole experience really put me off mediation and made me realise the tremendous power they have to skew a settlement in one party’s favour.

If you’re in the east of England let me know by PM and we can see if by any chance it’s the same one!

It’s impossible based on what you’ve said here to determine if there actually was any bias - your examples don’t particularly indicate it. And the question ‘is there anything else’ would usually be meaning is there any other issues to raise which is a fair question,

however, if you feel there was bias you can substantiate with suitable evidence feel free to make your complaint - and be clear with what you actually are expecting as an outcome - because under no circumstance will the agree with you

With divorce emotions run extremely high. A mediator is meant to be impartial but may ask an extra question if one party is more reticent for example. That in itself is not biased but it sounds that for whatever reason you were not happy with the mediator. Is there more to it?

Mediation takes time and the money seems alot i know, but it can focus peoples minds on resolution and be less costly and acrimonious than solicitors. It is ultimately down to the two parties to reach agreement though, the mediator just facilitates. I do though understand how it can feel biased as had these feelings with my mediation. You may want to consider switching to another mediator at the same firm so you atleast get a chance to start to negotiate.

I will throw in another reason - not taking our 16 year age gap into consideration 68 vs 52

Into consideration in what sense ?

Why would that be taken into consideration? Are you 68 so have retired but he can still work at 52 and build pension?

Yes - it’s a big factor in divorce so it should of been discussed but it wasn’t

The amount of time mediation can take is for sure frustrating, I went to two then like you got fed up, as felt 2 sessions were wasted going over figures. But that is the standard format. If cost is a big concern for you, solicitors may well end up costing more. By your own admission it sounds like you didn't get time to thrash out the issues in mediation, so if you want to avoid throwing good money after bad, mediation may well be worth another try. Or just sitting down with your ex.

How far apart are you both in what you are asking for?

Mediation was rubbish. Financial disclosure documents were not shared prior to the session so I was expected to discuss pension sharing with no sharing of info that ex had had for months.

In terms of the law the mediator was hopeless and led my ex to believe that he didn’t need to get a an expert pension report and that 37% split of pension was fair, or pay spousal maintenance because he was financially supporting his new partner who did not work and renting a 4 bed house for the two of them.

Emboldened by this he applied to court to enforce an order to his benefit only to be ordered to pay maintenance pending suit and pay for an expert pension report.

Pension report suggests 67% in my favour and court suggest ongoing maintenance.

Don’t waste time and energy complaining about mediation. Just proceed to court. There are lots of resources that enable you to self represent so won’t necessarily cost a fortune and judges know the law.