Unmarried - separation - mesher order?

[Crocodilepark]

Been together for 10 years. Twins age 5. He earns about 120k and gets a bonus that varies but generally 20-40 each year. I stopped work when the twins were born but if I can get back into my old role would earn around 50k. We have a house I love that we have owned for 6 years that is worth about 1m, I put all the deposit in but obviously he has paid most of the mortgage.

what are my chances of keeping the house? I can’t afford it on a mortgage on my own so would need him to be on the mortgage still. Things are not great between us but could a mesher order work here?

what are my chances of spousal support given we aren’t married but that he earns so much more and the children are used to that. I would want the children most of the time and would suggest every other weekend and a weekly midweek night for him, I’m not sure if he will agree but he works away a lot so can’t really see how he would have them more.

quire confused and worried.

As you aren’t married no spousal support.

How is the house owned? Joint tenants? Tenants in common? Is your deposit ringfenced? Is he likely to try to get the kids 50:50, in which case he won’t have to pay maintenance?

You can’t get a mesher order as you’re not married.

you also won’t get spousal as you’re not married

youre entitled to your share of equity and cms

In rare circumstances you could be awarded the right to stay in the house ( but not increase your monetary share) but this will be costly to fight and unlikely as you can’t afford to pay the mortgage etc.

most likely you’ll have to sell and split equity based on how you own the house

Did you protect/ringfence your deposit when you bought the house? Without being married I don’t think you’re entitled to anything other than your share of the equity of the house.

Im sorry OP the answer is your chance of spousal support is nil. You aren't married.

How much equity is in the house and how is it owned?

There are very rare circumstances in which you could apply under schedule 1 of the Children Act to stay in the home until the children are a certain age but you cant afford the mortgage with no job and he would not be ordered to pay the mortgage for you to live there.

You need legal advice or to accept that the house will need to be sold if you cant afford to buy him out.

As someone who was financially crippled paying off a cheating ex I was married to I have no delight in the system but that is why marriage remains important for financial protection for those who give up work for the kids.

Also do you have a pension? If not consider setting one up as soon as youre in a position to do so.

Good luck and sorry.

No chance of spousal support or Mesher Order as unmarried.

Was deposit properly ring fenced when you purchased the property?

You need legal advice but I would say the house will need to be sold.

Thank you. He’s likely to want the boys 50/50 especially when he realises I don’t want him to, he is always stubborn like that. I don’t think he should have them that much, he works away a lot and when he is at home he has never been the main parent like me.

We do have a declaration of trust that protects the deposit.

i understand about the spousal support, but I assume child maintenance will be based on his salary including his bonus?

I have a pension from before I stopped work but I haven’t paid into anything since then. I don’t know much about his pension, I know he has one.

Even if you were married and I doubt a judge would agree to you having the house for 13 years with him paying for it, AND spousal!!
Where will he live?

None of that matters as you are u married. All you are entitled to is your share of the house/equity and cms but that is capped so his bonus won’t come into play. Really what marriage means should be taught in schools .. to give up your job , pension contributions without the protection of marriage was lunacy. It’s done now but your position would be v different now I’m afraid to say if you had

Is CMS always capped or can there be other payments for higher earners? That doesn’t seem fair!

we did intend to get married but never got around to it… lots of money and time went on renovating the house, then by the time we had the money and time we didn’t really have the relationship…

There is an additional provision re child maintenance for earners over 150k but I suspect if he has a pension then the earnings taken into account will be less than that.

Unfortunately his pension is irrelevant as youre not married.

Is there enough equity in the house to rehome you and the kids with the protected deposit plus half the equity?

If he has the kids 50/50 he will not owe child maintenance either..

My ex is on around 140k and I get 1450 maintenance per month for 2 dc who lives with me full time, op. There is a cap not far beyond that salary bracket as far as I can remember.

As others have said, as you weren’t married there aren’t other protections re: joint assets and how these are split (I was married so this stuff came into account separately from CMS).

but I hope my CMS amount gives you a steer as to what you can expect there.

You can't touch his pension OP. You aren't married.

You are only entitled to what you put in, house equity depending on joint tenants/in common split and cms. That is it.

You’re not married so you’re not entitled to a single penny of his savings, his pension, his income, his % of a house- literally all you are entitled to here is child maintenance and if 50/50 quite possibly not even that.

As others have said , your not entitled to anything but your share of the property and child maintenance : perhaps he will be decent about that and surprise you.

If he has the children 50/50 the brutal reality is there might not be any CMS either.

Also, no mesher order in our case (judges don’t like them in marriage splits anyway so I can’t imagine how it would work without one) no spousal (though I never investigated that). I bought my H out but wasn’t trying to stay in a 1 million pound property. You need to see what else you can afford, hopefully if you have money ringfenced yoy can do this.

You are only entitled to what is yours, nothing else. If he wants 50/50 that could even possibly include no maintenance.

You need to get back to work ASAP!

Am I entitled to spousal support? - spousal support is for spouses. You are not a spouse.

The children are used to the lifestyle - the children will still enjoy and experience their current lifestyle when they are staying with their father.

Mersher order - again, this is for married couples. You are not married and so this will not be considered. Why should he keep paying for a house he doesn’t live in? He needs somewhere to live too.

Pension - you’re not entitled to a penny of his pension.

It sounds as if you are considering challenging 50/50 on the basis that you want a high level of child maintenance which is so, so wrong.

You need a job.

You need a job, fast. The only thing you are going to get out of this is the capital from the house and hopefully CMS.

You havent mentioned going back to work, is this not an option for you?

i understand about the spousal support, but I assume child maintenance will be based on his salary including his bonus?

also you @Crocodilepark as a parent should also be willing and able to take on employment to maintain your children!

If you split the kids 50/50, CMS will be minimal or nonexistent, even with his higher salary.

You need to look for a job, asap. The house will likely be sold and proceeds split 50/50.

There’s a reason for marriage.

You can't stay in a 1 million pound house if you can't afford the mortgage! Are you really expecting to stay there with the kids and him to continue paying for it all just because you and the kids are 'used' to that standard of living? The kids will still have that with their dad, but just not when they are with you.

If he wants 50/50 with them-and good for him if he does-then you probably wont get any child maintenance either. I hope your CV is up to date and you are applying for jobs now, that's good that you can get something on around £50k-what do you do? I'd be looking at childcare as well and seeing what help you can get towards that.

Getting married is so important-it is protection against things like this happening.

There is a legal route to protect children’s interests when couples who aren’t married split up. This does allow for a type of “mesher” order that ensures the children are adequately housed and that lifestyles are maintained.

The cap on CMS means that wealthy and high income cases are settled via other legal means, not by the CMS. It signals that the government agency isn’t designed for cases like this. A court can and does agree settlements including requiring the father to provide a home for the children. This won’t change the amount of equity you are entitled to. That support and maintenance would still be required under a 50:50 co parenting arrangement.

OP, we don’t know the details of you case and you need to dampen expectations because whilst it sounds like this may be solution it is an uncertain shot. He doesn’t sound that wealthy and his income isn’t that huge.

In terms of housing, even in a high cost area, you don’t need a £1m home for you and two kids. It would be incredibly detrimental to tie him into an arrangement to stay on the mortgage and not release the equity. Even on his high salary there must be a decent amount of equity. So if you are getting a five or six figure payout, then you should be able to house yourself and the children.

This is where the settlement is potentially problematic for you. A large capital payout means you can’t claim benefits. Without a job you can’t get a mortgage. Which means that capital could be spent on rent unless the settlement allows you to buy outright.

You should really consider going back to work. And accepting his willingness to coparent 50:50 as it facilitates you working. You are also really dependent on him keeping his job.

I think you do need a solicitor but it is going to be an expensive and uncertain outcome for you. Which could end in nothing more than your share of the equity plus the max child support anyway.