Panic - husband is now moving out

[Beachlovingirl]

We’re separated but living together and we’ve been doing the 50/50 whilst living together and it’s been fine.

I’ve really wanted him to move out because it’s just awful still remaining living together.

he’s found a place and is moving out. Now I am realising that my DC will be leaving my house and staying at their dads for 50% of the time and it’s hit me hard. I’m questioning everything like my decisions to leave him. I’m on a panic. What if they are scared and want to come home and they can’t?

help 🙁

I think I would be contacting the school to explain the situation so they can be on top of it if the girls start arriving late. And then making it extremely clear to the girls that if they want to come home to you at any time they can, they can change the arrangements, they can make the choices and change their minds. And most importantly their choices should be what suits them themselves and they are not responsible for how either parent feels about that. In reality, if this is made super clear, I believe they will choose you over time given what you have said. But it is so important they understand it is not their job to make you or their dad feel better. You stressing this will show them that you care most about their feelings. If their dad then moans about his own feelings they will see the contrast...

I think I would be contacting the school to explain the situation so they can be on top of it if the girls start arriving late. And then making it extremely clear to the girls that if they want to come home to you at any time they can, they can change the arrangements, they can make the choices and change their minds. And most importantly their choices should be what suits them themselves and they are not responsible for how either parent feels about that. In reality, if this is made super clear, I believe they will choose you over time given what you have said. But it is so important they understand it is not their job to make you or their dad feel better. You stressing this will show them that you care most about their feelings. If their dad then moans about his own feelings they will see the contrast...

Now he’s moving an hour away if they don’t want 50:50 support them in pushing back. Have they considered how much earlier they will have to get up for school and later they will get home?

They are old enough to have their opinions taken into account.

Well it's a blessing they are all old enough to decide for themselves. If it doesn't work for them, they can just refuse to go his. A judge is highly likely to force it at their age.

The realisation is the hardest thing I think. In a very similar situation, although my kids are 3 and 7. Still living in the family home, its up for sale, but taking its time abd its torture.

I hate living with my STBExH, He's checked out of caring about the house, ie, does very little housework, takes things out the washing machine to put his own stuff in, eats food I've bought with my own money, and when I bring these things up, he just says ok, but nothing changes. And at the same time I am dreading not seeing my kids every day.

I doubt 50/50 will last when he has to drive them an hour to school, then home, then back to pick them up from school again. (If it were my husband id give it a day and he would say it wasnt manageable)

And at their ages Id assume they are going to be fed up of that pretty quickly and make their own minds up to stay with you.
Id be full on supportive of his move though so nothing can come back on you.