Help me not humiliate myself with ex by begging

[TenseNervousHelp]

NC for this because I'm paranoid ex might clock me.

Please help. I've moved into a new place I hate, DC hasn't moved in to do the planned 50/50 (yet?) can't articulate why but exams coming up and of course everything is strange.

I want to go see my ex and beg him to let me move back into FMH to coparent. I'd have to suck up having no security and having bought another house I'd have to sell at a loss and him dating someone else.

I don't think I can do this by myself. Not having DC is killing me but I'm not v emotionally storing. I can't believe this is my life now. I'm so so scared and so unable to get myself out of this hole. I know rationally my ex isn't the answer but the answer is me and I can't see how to fix everything.

I expect ex would just say no. Why wouldn't he? He's got everything he wanted, the FMH (which I didn't like and chose to leave, stupidly didn't factor in DC feeling like that's their home), the new gf, no me. I have mostly ignored him since he dropped the "we're over, I've got a gf" bombshell.

Hurts so much.

What jobs does it need? Is there a logical order to do stuff?

We bought this house believing it hardly needed a thing doing - and then it rained heavily, and water started pouring down a wall.. and that was just the start of it. But every thing we have done has made it more ours. You will get there.

I know this isn’t the point of the thread but your new home does sound like one of the issues. The weird smell…is it an old house with old carpets? Getting rid of old wool based carpets helps. (Moths love them and honestly a moth infestation can stink)

I guess it just doesn't smell familiar.

New carpets on list because of dippy/creaky floors. But then have to move furniture to fix. And find someone to fix floor then fit carpet. And if take carpets up should get plumbing issues fixed (en suit has no heating, didn't notice). Almost whole house needs replastering, doors fixed, new floors, new kitchen, maybe new boiler and move to kitchen, new windows, maybe roof issues. I'm so stupid.

That’s not stupid it’s doing the best you can at that time with the money you had - never be ashamed of that

1: this week contact a plumber to check the en-suite and boiler. Then you know wheee you stand there. but you can live without heat in the en-suite

Buy some thick curtains to keep the drafts out of the windows for this winter.

identify the room that’s most important to you

2 questions for you
Why do you think there are roof issues? Be specific here. Don’t panic over nothing

replasyering and kitchen and floors and windows will all keep. Unless there is a safety issue that needs to be sorted now ?

Doors - what need to be fixed ? get thyself on YouTube

creaky floors might be something you get used to / every house has its own creaks ?

Dipping and creaking boards can be sorted. They probably need some replacing, or screwing down tighter, then you put an insulation layer down before the underlay and new carpet so will make any dipping less obvious (this is sometimes an issue in older houses with beams)