Off to court we go

[Dadtofour12]

Unfortunately my STBXW has decided to take the court route. I've offered mediation, private arbitration and also made a number of offers to try and get a financial agreement without going to court (and the costs that entails).

I can't believe we're about to spaff £60K between us on solicitors, barristers etc when that's over half of the equity we have in the only house we own, never mind the time I've wasted trying to reach an agreement over the past 9 months. I just can't believe we're going to waste so much money we're both going to need to restart our lives.

mediation and arbitration is not recommended where abuse has been involved

Yes yes, absolutely none in this scenario

I’m confused, where does the op say he was abused, or is abusive?

Are you on the wrong thread, I don’t understand your posts.

Hardly likely to admit it

But often the reason why one party refuses mediation and wants court

Jesus, that escalated quickly.

Are you after half? Who will the kids be living with?

DH didn’t go to court with ex. They ended up in court 15 years later as she kept coming back for more.

It’s better to get it cut and dried from the start.

It takes two to tango. Is she being unreasonable in what she is asking for? If not, then you could agree with that and avoid court. That’s what my father did when my parents divorced because he could see they would both lose a lot of money if it went to court.

What are the offers your are making and why does he think they are unreasonable and why do you think them reasonable?

Are there other assets or debts that need to be taken into consideration?

@Zenwalnut typical presumption somewhat’

perhaps ops ex is just unrealistic in expectations. Who knows

Not after half - two kids (16 + 24) live with ex in the former marital home - 5 bed she doens't need. She's asked for £2.3K spousal maintenance (joint lives order), CM until youngest completes uni, me to go on the mortgage so she can stay in the house (but she'd indemnify me from paying) as she wouldn't get the mortgage otherwise. Half my pension (works out as about £300K), but i don't touch hers (about 100K) and a few other odds and sods. I said 70/30 split on the equity in the home and she gets 33% of my pension and I leave hers. CM until youngest leaves 6th form.

Um the op is the male, it’s quite clear from his user name.

sounds Like she’s trying to keep the house but as you say, she doesn’t need a house that size. My ExH refused all sorts and took 3 years until I said go to court. Sometimes it’s just easier to do it rather than drag it out longer. I don’t miss the days of £1k+ monthly solicitor bills!

Pretty sure she won’t be able to go after your pension as hers is £100k. Mine was £94k and over the threshold

Yeah - should have done it from the start but thought we could agree to some stuff as it's not overly complicated. But here we are! Not looking forward to the legal bills. Solicitor sent me his charge sheet and I could have wept. Would have saved me a fortune in the long run though. That's what you get for trying to do the right thing.

Can you explain what you mean @houseofisms?

50/50 on everything is the deal.

150k each of your pension
50k each of her pension
60k equity each in home
cars/other assets? 10k each
= 270k each (less solicitors/court fees)

Court is 24k approximately, 12k each, how much is the house worth and what mortgage is left to pay?

So there's around £110K in equity in house with £277K left to pay, house is worth around £385000. Sorry - her half of my pension is around £300k. The solicitors fee's (inc barristers) is coming out more like £25K + VAT (each) if we get to final hearing!

Can you represent yourself and get a direct access barrister if/when you need?

so your not already on the mortgage? Surely they cant make you add yourself? This may have implications for you if you buy somewhere else as it will be classed as second marital home and higher stamp duty. Why can’t she stay without you? Is it because she is going to be reliant on your payments to pay the mortgage ?
snd who is 70/30 split in favour of?
I do think CM until child finishes uni is acceptable tho to be fair!

I am on the mortgage now - they want me to remain on the mortgage. 70/30 split was in favour of her - I thought it was fair that she take more equity now but give up some of my pension.

Child maintenance should be paid through university but that money goes straight to the child who should then pass some back for holidays etc to the other parent or a nominal amount to the parent. My exh paid my DD’s directly and only paid a nominal amount to me to take into consideration I was housing and ferrying about dd1 (dd2 had a car her dad paid insurance for). Spousal is very rare unless you are a very high earner (think over £200k) or there is specific mitigating factors like disability or they moved multiple times for your career

I dont know how it works these days but I made my ex wife an offer which if she decided to go to trial AND she was awarded less then she would be liable for my costs from that point

If you are absolutely certain she is being unreasonable, and you’re going the extra mile to do more than the right thing, it seems strange she would even entertain going to court.