Off to court we go

[Dadtofour12]

Unfortunately my STBXW has decided to take the court route. I've offered mediation, private arbitration and also made a number of offers to try and get a financial agreement without going to court (and the costs that entails).

I can't believe we're about to spaff £60K between us on solicitors, barristers etc when that's over half of the equity we have in the only house we own, never mind the time I've wasted trying to reach an agreement over the past 9 months. I just can't believe we're going to waste so much money we're both going to need to restart our lives.

But you’re asking for more than half, and she’s still housing the kids; YABU 🤷‍♀️

House equity is £110k
Your pension is £600k
Her pension is £100k
total £810k
Half each is £405k

You want: 66% of your pension £400k, a third of the house £33k and none of her pension, so £433k.

This means your ex would only get £377k when she deserves £405k minimum (& I’d also get everything revalued because house prices have gone down a lot recently, and pensions have gone up).

Why do you think you deserve more than half the joint marital assets?

You need to go to court
you should be in a strong position
her expectations are not reasonable

50:50 is generally not always the split if a long marriage with children etc. It completely depends on length of marriage, her earnings vs yours (and her potential earnings), children etc. Spousal maintenance is unusual, are you are very high earner op? If so I'd have thought you'd have more in your pension tbh. Going through solicitors is better all round if there are large sums involved. Doesn't need to end up in court, but you need some advice. Child maintenance cannot be enforced beyond 18 but you do have a moral duty to support your children through university, but not a legal one (alas). Hey we could all drop our kids at 18 couldn't we! A good parent wouldn't though. Also I'd sell the house and split equity. Far cleaner split.

plus wanting to cut off the child bef

plus wanting to cut off the child before uni. not cool

She knows she’ll get more, she’s already instructed a solicitor that’s told her that clearly. Unless she’s as thick as shit she’s not going to pay a solicitor to end up with less.

You don't mention how much you earn now, your ages, and how much of her current earning and future potential she may have sacrficed by being a SAHM or part time (career suicide in many professions). Without this info, it's impossible to know whether the deal you offered her was reasonable or not.

Just interested but what do you think is a reasonable offer?

Good points!

Not necessarily. DH’s ex insisted on court and she didn’t get what she wanted. In fact she had to pay costs to DH. She’d had some really bad advice, but also just really still believed that the woman should be financially supported long term as she had the children. Courts have moved on from this.

Solicitors will stir up animosity because that racks up their invoices.

A Solicitor should advise the parties what sort of offer to make/settle at.

If they get it badly wrong then it can have consequences for them

Did you end the marriage Op?

clearly it’s acrimonious

clearly arbitration and mediation not going to work and you’ll end up spending on that and still have to go to court anyway

and perhaps your ex is fully aware of that fact so being sensible

How on earth can you conclude this without knowing figures and background?

From what I believe are ops other threads

So you AS to have a look?