Fair split?

[broken1980]

Going through divorce (he walked out, found out he was cheating and is still with her). Together 17years in total, married for 10. We have two children, 15 and 9.

We have been advised to have mediation to discuss split. We just have a house.

A meeting with a solicitor suggested 40/60 split to me as I have the children all the time except on Saturdays when he sees them for 6 hours. My son stays the night every other week.

He has continued to pay half of the mortgage and bills, but no contribution towards kids, simply because he can’t afford it.

My mortgage advisor has worked out that it will be very tight if I buy him out of his 40% share. I would struggle. I pay for everything. In order to be able to afford the repayments, I would need a smaller mortgage, which would mean a larger share of the house. He would need to have less than 40% share.

Has anyone had similar experience? Did the judge accept it? Were you able to work it out another way?

Can you sell the house and downsize?

No, kids go to school locally, I work locally and there would be nowhere close by I could afford. I don’t feel I should lose my house because of HIS disgusting behaviour.

Unfortunately behaviour won’t make a difference to the split.

what split are you proposing?
what’s your earning difference?
are there any pensions?

Unfortunately his behaviour is irrelevant, if you can’t afford to buy him out and take over the mortgage then you can’t afford to keep the house.

Depends how much money is in the “pot” really, if he has large pension/savings you could try to bargain for a bigger % of the house but he keep all of pension/savings to even things up, but ultimately you both have to be able to house yourselves, a judge will not agree if it’s not fair and neither should your soon to be ex.

What are both of your pension situations?

I got 70/30 on the house and left his pension alone in similar circs - 2 dc with me full time, both with disabilities and one who has to be home schooled because of this.

ex h very high earner who could easily house himself given.

if you are housing 3 people and he’s housing 1 then obviously your housing needs are higher.

Actually no I think our equity split was 80/20. Either way it went through no problems this summer.

He has to house solely himself, op has to house 3 people. This is key.

The split is based on need but if you have been together that length of time then you do need to include pension. It can be offset to get a larger share of the house

@Hall84
My lawyer told me that pensions do not have to be included. In our case, we are not even mentioning pensions. I have a teacher pension. He has next to nothing as his pension is quite new. He’s not interested in my pension.

@carratcake
80/20 sounds good. Is this what you both decided through mediation? What were both of your needs? Obviously, I’m very interested as I have been told that the judge can reject it if it is seen to be unfair.

He may get himself a shite hot lawyer who is interested in your pension.

If you pursue 80/20 he might ask about your pension

Are you in the UK? If so, I'm nearing the end of a divorce. I paid our nursery bill whilst XH paid extra contributions into his pension. The starting point is 50/50. We've agreed 60/40 split of the house in my favour and 75/25 in his favour for the pension. My solicitor couldn't advise me to accept this because I'm walking away with less than 50/50. The consent order is with the Court at the moment so I can't tell you if it'll be approved.

Totally incorrect about the pension
it absolutely 100% will need valuing and declaring and as it’s a teachers one is likely to be valuable! Why would you think it’s excluded. It’s not and will impact your ability to negotiate for more equity

@Hall84I am in the UK

@millymollymoomooHe doesn’t have to make a claim though and he has already said he’s not interested. He has always said he wouldn’t do anything to take our home away.

well that might change when

I) he gets his own legal advice
2) he realises it’s value relative to equity
3) you claim 80% of equity ! And don’t expect share pension!
4) a judge rejects the order without pension included

As a teacher your pension is an asset and will need including on a Form E/D81, I'm surprised your solicitor has told you it doesn't. XH has a public sector pension so the difference was significant. Please DM me if you think it will help but I'm not a family lawyer!

Did he also say he wouldn’t cheat, believe nothing he says?

Can you trust his word? People say anything to make themselves look better but when it comes down to the crunch show real colours.

@FlutteryButterfly
I don’t know what to believe anymore.
He’s a compulsive liar so who knows what will happen! I hate the uncertainty.

@YourPeppyAmberTraybake
You’re so right. I don’t know this man anymore.

We don’t know the values associated here, but just based on what you’ve said I’d think there will be considerable questions on the assets split from a judge, likely with revisions expected to get more balance. 100% public sector pension plus 80% equity, on face value here is not fair ( in eyes of law) but will depend on £ involved plus both your incomes. Is there a very large disparity? Is ex a very high earner ?

You may not get a higher % through if you don’t include pension. You could offer a pension splitting you want to get more than the 60% suggested.