Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Fair split that won't leave me struggling

54 replies

trippy8 · 19/10/2025 11:41

I am very torn to what request during mediation process. I have consulted solicitor and he was very forthcoming with tailored advice (for free consultation) with all financial details I provided, but I don't want to leave father of my children totally dry and even more resentful. I initiated the divorce and stbexdh is very hurt... emotionally and financially that I will take half of his money.
Situation: married for 8 years, have 8 and 3 year old. I started working 3 days a week this august. My annual salary at the end of this tax year will be around £11k, his £44k
He is a freelance and travels a lot for work. Sometimes we don't see him for most of the month, some months he is at home without a single day away.

My work and my life circle around his schedule - therefore 50/50 split childcare is impossible. He threatens to find a full time local job - but I doubt he will.
I am ok with the way we live right now - I am happy with this uneven split of labour as long as it's recognised financially and I can have some time away from time to time while he takes over childcare when in the UK.

We will have a house and savings to split. I understand that 50/50 would be simplest way to do it. He paid 100k deposit for the house and I did chip in with my sad 10k (joint tenants) - that's part he is most upset about. His savings also are significantly higher than mine. I pump all leftover money into LISA.

What is your experience of what would be a 'fair' division of assets to ask for that is not going to leave me struggling to support myself with my limited earning opportunities? I'd like to avoid involving solicitors for more than they're needed, therefore I want to come forward with agreeable proposal.

I was also considering an option where we keep kids at family home and have a little studio/room rented out where we can go away when it's others person turn to look after children at home at least until little one starts school. I find that, even if cheaper in a short term (as avoids bills for running two households) will keep us financially entangled. What in your opinion would be reasonable financial arrangement for this set up?
At the minute husband (with exceptions here and there where I am asked to cover 100% of all bills) pays mortgage and all household bills plus family credit card for all expenses. I pay nursery fees, after school clubs and all extra curriculum my older child attends (ballet, jiu jitsu, gymnastics etc).

I appreciate your take an similar experience stories.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 20/10/2025 09:27

trippy8 · 19/10/2025 12:48

I have 20k in total, where 11k cannot be touched as it's LISA.
I agree that there is a way where is a will, and I have never stopped working (apart from mat leave) but how much I could work is a difficult balance between available time and cost of childcare when I have absolutely no one to help me with all the chores.

Edited

I have been single for 15yrs, no family nearby but managed to keep the chores going and working full time. That’s not an excuse to work part time. You need to work full time.

everychildmatters · 20/10/2025 09:27

Why can't you increase your income, OP? How old are your children? Are they in school? If so you can work more hours, especially if it is 50/50.

millymollymoomoo · 20/10/2025 09:32

@Zanatdy wouldn’t matter if it was tenants in common during a divorce. The settlement could override that. For non married couples it’s different.

Zanatdy · 20/10/2025 09:34

millymollymoomoo · 20/10/2025 09:32

@Zanatdy wouldn’t matter if it was tenants in common during a divorce. The settlement could override that. For non married couples it’s different.

Ah, I didn’t realise that, but it makes sense.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page