Final hearing FDR- 9 months how to stop ex from being able to still claim on my assets accrued post separation date?

[Jabbathehurt]

My ex is rinsing me of assets he has asked for 80 percent of value of house. Hasn’t yet asked for pension but likely will also want a larger share of my pension given my higher income. It is very unlikely he will settle as he lives comfortably with his parents in a 4 bed house and his brother pays his legal fees. He has no savings and only 50k in pensions. ( on purpose, he has spent all his earnings so his net worth is dropping or remaining stagnant). He’s just waiting for a windfall from me however if this goes to a final hearing the next available date is in 8-9 months. I can’t seem to get my solicitors to enforce a cut off date for all finances. We have lived separately since February, what can I do to stop him from making further demands on my accrued assets and wasting my money and time given I’m the one ending up paying for legal fees on both sides.

@PocketSand legally you’re right
but this isn’t a man who’s lost earning potential, worked pt, been a sahd etc therefore been disadvantaged

to all intents and purposes op has done the child raising and carried mental load while also earning all the money.

op ex just happens to earn less

and his behaviour post separation is reprehensible so I can see why op is angered and frustrated and feels it’s unjust because it is

40% of what?

I’m assuming this is a needs based case. You have deviated from 50:50 and claimed you need 60% of assets as the higher earner.

What is your legal basis underpinning this offer? Why do you think your DH should settle for a 60:40 split of whatever when his needs are greater than yours?

My STBEX tried the same thing claiming I needed less money as living with family rent free before settlement. Didn’t work. The court consider the housing needs of both parties.

Whether or not it goes to final hearing is as much on you as your DH. If he has nothing to lose it will be because the court is likely to order more than what you are offering. He is lucky he has family to prop him up to support his 40% care of DC and to fight for a fair settlement. Otherwise it wouldn’t be a fair dispute if only you could afford legal representation and a home to meet DCs needs pending settlement.

You give brief details of the objective case and then descend into name calling and personal attack. FDR is not the place for this. Work with your DH and the court to achieve an outcome in the best interests of your DC.

@millymollymoomoo when you go to court, legally is all that counts.

For a 50:50 split he doesn’t need to have sacrificed career, been a stay at home dad etc.

We can’t really comment on the behaviour of either party.

If there are sufficient marital assets to allow both parties to provide a comparable home to shared DC there is no reason not to split them to allow this. This is in the best interests of the DC.

There’s no mention of ongoing maintenance so it just providing a level playing ground on divorce.

The OP then goes on to benefit from her 4x earnings and pension and increased mortgage capacity this provides post divorce.

I know that
but this is a site where op has a right to vent and be annoyed. And she has a right to feel it’s unjust,

we can only comment on op’s words here about his behaviour and that at fave value / and that’s what I’m commenting on.

your set up may have e been more balanced /justified and you may have been disadvantaged etc but its galling as the higher earner in cases where there’s been no disadvantage to lose all
you’ve worked for and to feel like your ex is trying to fleece you . It’s highly unusual to award 80% of all assets even in cases with a higher earner

I have no doubts as to whether or not he is trying to fleece me. The fact that he’s saying that he needs a 3 bedroom house worth 550k when there are 3 bedroom houses worth 400k, or that he needs a house with a garage and capital expenses for a car when he cannot drive and has been “learning “ for 10 years. Also a house next to the school within walking distance because he can’t drive

Im also certain that he doesn’t intend to move out his parents house since they had moved locally to a 4 bedroom house for the sole purpose of housing him and the children. This man is incapable of budgeting, sorting any utility bills or any organisation whatsoever. He also has a taste for spending. He has comic book/ audiobook/ coffee/ keto box/ beauty box/ Onlyfans/ tv / you name it he’s got it subscriptions. He shops at him and hers, wax, all birds, has a subscription treatment for treating his baldingness. Nothing meaningful for the kids comes out of his pocket except sweets and tat.

Also his lawyers are coming after the kids ISAs and want it to be included in the marital pot, because 450k is not enough

Whilst you’re still married, there’s no ‘your assets’ or ‘his assets’. They are joint assets.

so assuming the money he brings into the house is also joint assets, he went and spent 1600 pounds of our assets per month on himself for the last 10 years, not counting the 5k credit card debt he racked up or the pocket money his parents are still giving him

I have to say that it really does seem like people who do push themselves in their career, do naturally earn more, do get high performer bonuses, do put money away sensibly, do over pay on the mortgage for the family home, are the ones to have the mortgage only in their name because the other person had bad credit, don’t rack up any debt end up so much worse off in divorce.

I had one of those free appointments you can get with a solicitor before you ask them to act on your behalf and she told me all about the financial disclosure and how everything is put on a spreadsheet and divided by 2. So I said to her so if he has debt and I have none, I’m better getting some debt so that I don’t have to take on half of his. She of course said oh no no that’s not that I’m saying. Yeah right.

@Jabbathehurt My DD is a family barrister. She’s rather good at looking at property values. It’s very common to say only x town will do when y town is a lot less money. The issue is getting dc the bedrooms they need and to school efficiently not wanting a better house in a nice road. Are you going to get a barrister? Obviously miracles cannot be worked but spending excess money can sometimes be avoided.

@OhDear111 thank you. I already have a barrister and we (rather I ) have found properties around the area for him to buy that are 150k less. Just without garages and 3 toilets. He says it needs to be next to the school as he can’t drive. He also says I have to fund a car for him when he can drive. Which is which? It all stinks of greed to me. His lawyers have threatened to include the children’s ISAs into the marital pot! And I have been saving for them since they were born.

Can you encash the children's ISA's or not?

I feel your pain OP. My STBXW is asking for £2300 per month (for life) spousal maintenance, 43% of my pension (approx £350K) earned in previous employment, all equity in the house (only around £110K), CM until youngest (16) leaves tertiary education, that I stay on the mortgage so she can stay in the 5 bed house and she keeps her pension (aprox 100K). I earn approx 5 times her salary but as a contractor, I don't have pension, get sick pay etc. I've decided to take my chances in court/private arbitration as there's no way what she's asking for is fair and there doesn't seem to be any movement in what she wants but I've no idea what someone is going to decide is 'fair'.

It's infuriating that someone who has a severe spending habit, got us into loads of debt, wouldn't go to work and is now claiming that she sacrificed her career to stay at home with the kids when she wouldn't go to work.

I hope you get a fair split but I suspect you're going to end up paying way more than you feel is fair.

Thanks @Dadtofour12 . Hope your private arbitration goes well. There is no incentive for him to do a private FDR. Due to the expense and the fact that the next earliest hearing is likely 8-9 months, allowing me to accrue further pension and savings. He has also done a mortgage capacity form on my behalf, falsely stated there are no substantial outgoings, decided that I should make minimal contributions to pension and including my performance bonuses and car allowances so I can raise a mortgage of more than 6x my annual salary. Is that allowed? Is the solicitor allowed to give my private information to a broker and say that I’m his client?

Also his solicitors letter says nothing of the property that I have proposed for him which is 150k less than the ones he has chosen. All 6 pages of it repeats what is on my assets schedule, inflates my net worth, includes all premarital assets saying I can afford a huge mortgage so he should get what he wants. I’m also the homemaker and the only one who organises anything, or pays for repairs to the house. He has categorically stated that his expensive housing needs trump my autistic child’s requirement for additional paid schooling or classes and has stated that the children’s ISAs should be included in the marital pot.

Don't court see through people who try to spend as much as possible to and get rid of assets to plead poverty in a divorce?
Also I imagine his brother is only too happy to pay legal fees considering his brothers seemingly impending windfall.

@Jabbathehurt I'm hoping to go to private arbitration, but in a similar vein to you, there is no real incentive for her at the moment as I'm paying the mortgage so the delay benefits her. We tried to come to a voluntary agreement but I now realise that I've wasted my time and if she doesn't agree to private arbitration then it's a wait until we can go to court. I'm seriously considering defaulting on the mortgage and putting up with the 6 years of terrible credit history ;-)

I've found it hard to get past, but I realised that her solicitor doesn't really care about what I've proposed to them or what is actually reasonable. They will try their hardest for their client to get as much as they can. I can well image people just giving in to get it over and done with. They've told me, going off my Form E, that I'm much more 'mortgageable' so I won't struggle (I assume they just popped the figures into a mortgage calculator). I'm just hoping I can get something reasonably close to 50/50. I understand that I earn more, therefore my ex should get more equity from the house and a decent portion of my pension, but the extent of what they're demanding is just crazy. I'm almost 50 and there isn't much time left to rebuild.

So long as you can justify your case for what you need as 'reasonable' that's all you can do. I got so angry when I saw their letters, demanding this and that, it took me a while to realise it's all part of the process. The only thing that matters (at least in my mind) when you go to court, is that you can successfully argue that your requirements are x and are reasonable. That may be naive but I'd like to think the judge, with the help from your barrister/solicitor, will see that his demands are totally ridiculous. I can't imagine any judge will agree to including your children's ISAs in any agreement. Good luck!

@Jabbathehurt am I right thinking you have your second hearing this week? You need to approach this calmly and logically. And be prepared to negotiate. The judge at your hearing will give an indication of what a final hearing is likely to rule and break for negotiation. It is a legal tactic to ask for more than entitled to so that there are things to sacrifice. It an absolutely does not need to go to final hearing which is another 9 months of stress and expense. And you started this thread wanting him to have no claim on what you accrue in the next nine months. If you go to final hearing you can’t achieve this.

Some things your ex is asking for are clearly beyond reasonable need. That’s lawyers for you. I expect yours are playing the same game.

The problem is that you seem equally pissed off with what is reasonable. You don’t seem to see the wood for the trees. You need to have a clear understanding of what is reasonable so that you can negotiate.

Eg the court are concerned with both parties housing needs. You will have had the opportunity to file appropriate housing for him as will he. He will have filed mortgage capacity report for himself. He needs appropriate housing but that does not mean a more expensive property with a garage in walking distance to the school. This is in excess of need. So you need to be prepared to agree to a settlement that allows for appropriate housing only EVEN if you believe he will continue to live rent free in his parent’s house. He will be awarded sufficient for adequate housing at final hearing. You can’t win this.

The court will ignore a mortgage capacity report he has done for you and just take account of your own mortgage capacity report (I’m assuming you filed one). If you didn’t do this for 1st hearing you would have been instructed to submit it for 2nd hearing. If you didn’t do this despite legal representation the court may feel you are deliberately ignoring court instructions and being obstructive. Did you commission mortgage capacity report?

@PocketSand of course I filed my own mortgage capacity report. He filed 2, the first was for 160k which he decided was too high so went back for an addendum saying he could only afford 600pounds and hence only raise a mortgage for 100k. My solicitor says that his team have refused to add the first to the court bundle even though the first report was sent to her. Yes I know it’s about negotiation I expect it to be 50 percent but obviously he’s playing the game to ask for much more. To be fair we all still disagree on the house valuation. He influenced the first valuation and that was thrown out and because it is the highest one he’s decided he wants to keep it in and throw out the lowest valuation. Such kind of tactics.

@Dadtofour12 how do you think defaulting on a mortgage which you can presumably afford would look to the court?

@Jabbathehurt these tactics are unfortunately par for the course in a contested settlement with solicitors involved. You say Y he says X and whatever the outcome you both feel screwed and legal representation for both sides makes 10s of thousands.

Compare the cost of X settlement at 2nd hearing to what you might get at final settlement factoring in additional sharing of accrued assets in the meantime and legal costs (plus stress). Make a logical choice in your own and DC best interests.

That’s why there was a winky face - a poor attempt at humour.

@OhDear111 guess what he’s also applying for a pending maintenance order? Not that he earns 2.4k? Might he have quit his job?

@Jabbathehurt He won’t get one without evidence. What has he disclosed his current income and outgoings to be? Is there a gap? He will have to include a budget that only includes the essentials that have to be met pending financial settlement. He will only be awarded maintenance pending suit if he can prove that he does not have sufficient income to meet current essential expenditure like mortgage, rent, bills, food, debt repayment etc. Very different from estimated future expenditure on Form E.