Seeking Advice: How to Break Free from the Family Court Deadlock

[sophiayao]

I am a single mother raising two daughters in London. I never imagined the road through the family court system would be this difficult.

My ex-husband has a long history of alcohol addiction. For the safety of my children and myself, I had no choice but to divorce. Later, due to his drinking, he suffered a traumatic brain injury. While he has some speech difficulties, his daily life is fully functional – he rides a bike, drives, works, and manages everything normally.

A few months ago, I paid for an independent medical assessment by Professor G.C. Fox. The conclusion was that he “lacks litigation capacity.” This has now become a loophole he uses to avoid responsibility. The court gave him until 11 August to appoint a litigation friend, but he has simply refused. Meanwhile, he does not contribute to the mortgage, does not pay child maintenance, and continues to occupy the house that my parents originally bought for me. Behind him, there is also a so-called “friend” constantly giving him manipulative advice, making the situation worse.

I work, pay rent, raise the children, and shoulder all the legal fees alone. The cases are stuck because of a procedural loophole, and I am running out of strength and resources to continue.

Looking back, my biggest regret was putting his name on the property deed – something I did only because he took out a loan for house renovation. That decision now leaves me trapped.

I know I am not the only single mother struggling in this system. I share this because I am exhausted, and because I hope someone out there might offer advice, support, or even just understanding.

How can I continue? How can I bring this case to an end?

There is no other option but to be persistent. This will take time and money if he remains uncooperative. If he doesn’t appoint someone then the court will do it for him. If as you suspect he is dragging all of this out then he will continue to cynically use a system that has evolved to be tolerant of vulnerable people.

For the purposes of divorce the house would be considered a marital asset whether in his name or not. It wouldn’t make any difference whose name was on the deeds once you married and decided to divorce.

There isn’t much you can do about the mortgage if you are a party to the mortgage. You can apply for child support via CMS.

The best thing you can do is accept that it is going to play out like this. That will at least reduce the mental burden. It will end.

That’s not fair! Who seems vulnerable here? I just feel so desperate. He’s enjoying playing this game, but I can’t do anything. He refuses to cooperate，occupy my house, I have to suffer both financial and emotional strains, what a life

You can move back into the house if you can’t afford to rent. Probably not an appealing choice. My ex paid no CM and dragged things out for years but at least moved out. It is ridiculously slow when people are obstructive.

What does your solicitor say? What is the timeline for a court ordered assistant to your ex ? You need to focus on getting to that outcome as it’s clear he won’t be cooperative

also be clear on what your asks and expectations are in terms of settlement . The house may well have to be sold and mo ies split between you. A court will expect he his suitably housed

it sounds a terrible time for you and I can completely understand your frustration and stress

Can’t you sell the house and pay your husband his share and then it is done - he has to live somewhere else from that point and if you say you need to sell in order for the financial settlement then it’s usually granted by the court.

yes you would need to actually sell the house and move and that’s a massive upheaval but you would be free of him.

Why has the house got a mortgage on it if it was gifted to you? Also, as has been pointed out, it’s irrelevant if it’s in your name solely - it’s still a marital asset. Your solicitor will have told you that. I’m also confused as to why you paid for an independent medical assessment. How did that come about? How long have you been divorced?

My friends said the same and told me to move back ti the house, but it’s impossible, the house is in Norwich, I live with my children in London, thinking of moving home, looking for schools…., it’s not possible, it’s really difficult now, no idea how to move forward….

I'm assuming you have good solid legal advice ? Ask around for recommendations for a SHL, a real rottweiler, and take yourself there for a consultation and possibly swapping if that feels right. A second pair of legal eyes on the situation is a good idea if you're feeling trapped.

Every time, we fully prepared for all the hearings, but they all ended with no result because the report stated that he lacks litigation capacity. He just took advantage of this, messed up the hearings, and behaved like an idiot! I feel the judge shows empathy for him. I just want to simply sell the house and change the children’s surname to mine. I feel desperate.

From the beginning, he has refused to sell the house no matter what I offered. He has a traumatic brain injury, but he has recovered very well so far. He just wants to live in that house—nothing else.

Op this sounds like a nightmare for you honestly I bet you feel like is never ending.

ok on the house side then he has to buy you out - are you open to that? And if he can’t (which he won’t be able to) then you can ask the court to order the sale. He can use his half of the money to buy something.

im surprised your solicitor hasn’t got a plan for this situation - it might be time to go to someone else?

That’s why I mentioned my biggest regret: putting his name on the property deed. I only did that because he took out a loan for house renovation. I paid for an independent medical assessment because the judge asked him to do it, but of course he didn’t comply. He didn’t even provide his medical report from his GP—literally, he refused to cooperate with me on purpose. My solicitor suggested that if I wanted to move forward, I had to pay for the assessment myself. I didn’t expect the result would show that he lacks litigation capacity. He just took advantage of this, messed up the hearings, and behaved like an idiot! I feel the judge shows empathy for him.
It’s been five years since our separation, but I only started pursuing financial and child matters at the end of 2023 because I had been living outside the UK for years and just returned in 2023.

Honestly putting the bane on deeds is not the issue. You wouldn’t be able to sell it regardless as it’s a marital
asset abc all he would have to do is register home rights with land registry and you’d be in the same situation

id also drop the name change now. Thats not the focus. Getting to settlement and financials is

What job does he do? He must have a mental capacity on grounds he can perform
that? Is there an appeal process at all? A further second opinion?

what does your solicitor advise as your next steps ?

I very much doubt you will be able to change the children's names op.

For the rest, surely there comes a point at which the court must be empowered to do something?

Have you included occupational rent in your financial claim given he isn’t paying mortgage and you are incurring rent. Basically it’s compensation for being excluded from the jointly owned home. It might help focus minds if he thought he would have to compensate you for the delay in selling out of his share.

From a legal pov it is better for you that judge is handling the case this way. He is obliged to understand the needs of someone with reduced capacity and make reasonable adjustments. If he didn’t then your ex could challenge his rulings. Opening up a whole new avenue of legal prevarication and delay.

This is the type of case where a Rottweiler approach would be counterproductive in my opinion. The straightest way to an endpoint is to accept the disability along with the delays and adjustments that will go along with it.

There is no way you could sell the house lawfully whilst going through a divorce. Whether his name was on the deeds or not. That ship sailed when you married.

If you moved back in you could risk triggering other legal processes that distract from the main objective.

There was a poster on here in your husband’s situation. Limited capacity with MH and neurological issues who was taking months and years to complete even basic paperwork. She cannot do more than a few minutes admin per day and won’t release documents unless she has completely reviewed them. The judge had progressed to setting hard deadlines. Which she is ignoring.
And whilst she has help she wants more mainly to do things that are relevant. At the last point of posting she was opening up a challenge to the judges deadline on the grounds it was contrary to the disability act. I imagine her ex is at the end of his tether.

It is a shit situation but there is very little you can do other than be patient and persistent. Again in my opinion aggressive tactics and games won’t help and are more likely to back fire.

It’s worth adding that there is a point where a court or judge can determine that a party lacks capacity even with advocacy and help to participate in the proceedings.

For that you need the medical assessment plus evidence of an inability to participate with adjustments and help. If the former doesn’t demonstrate the later then going through the process will.

Thats the nightmare! From the beginning, i asked the court to order the sale, BUT.... Every time, the judge asked for different things because he has some speech and understanding issues due to a traumatic brain injury. The judge requested a capacity report, so I had no choice but to pay for it. When the judge read the report, it showed that he lacks litigation capacity and asked him to get a litigation friend. He didn’t do that. Of course, he wouldn’t do anything to move the case forward. That’s why I feel stuck forever. We applied for a litigation friend, but the court refused, which left me with no hope.

he is doing some painting and decoration jobs which his "friend" helps him. The real problem is that I am stuck because the court requires him to have a litigation friend due to his lack of litigation capacity. Without a litigation friend, I cannot move the case forward.
Even the report showed he is NOT fully lack of capacity, I feel the judge feels empathy for him. the court report stated he lacks litigation capacity. We don’t know if there is an appeal process or if a second opinion would help. My solicitor has advised that unless the court appoints a litigation friend, I am unable to progress with financial and child matters. Even I may have to pay for official solicitors, may need long time to wait. I paid too much to solicitor, i am drained, it turns out nothing, he doesnt do anything!!

But I am stuck because without a litigation friend for him, the case cannot move forward, and the court has refused our application for one. It feels like being trapped with no way to progress.

I haven’t included occupational rent yet, mainly because I am stuck with the litigation friend issue. Without the court appointing one, I cannot move the case forward to address financial matters like mortgage, rent, or compensation. It’s very frustrating, as I feel all these delays are entirely due to his lack of cooperation.

Thank you for your words. I understand that being patient and following the proper procedures is the best approach, even though it feels frustrating. I am currently stuck because the court requires him to have a litigation friend, refused a one i applied for, and without one, I cannot move forward with financial or child matters. I will continue to follow the process, but it is very challenging and slow. or just wait for the court to appoint a official solicitor for him, but i may need to pay for this? it takes times , may be years?? so frustrating...

So awful for you. There must be a point in time when a judge calls time and says enough. It’s not fair on you at all

Have you posted on the legal board here? There are some good family lawyers in there who may have some advice