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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

STBXH wants us to host a final party together

31 replies

ItsAFriendlySplit · 14/08/2025 22:23

As my username suggests we are splitting amicably. We are both sad and it's not what we ever wanted but a split is what is best for us both. Kids have left home already so there's no issue there etc. We have been quite insistent to friends that we have no beef and there are no sides to be taken. Despite this we are finding that people are taking sides regardless and we are both finding this hurtful at a time when we both already feel quite delicate.

STBXH loves parties. He loves going to them and loves hosting them. I quite like them too.

He is going to be moving out soon and he has suggested that we have a party - like a kind of moving on party which we both host in our shared home. He wants to demonstrate that we are still friends, really good friends and that this will help people to not feel uncomfortable about being around us at all.

Is this a good idea or a bad idea. I can't really tell. How would you feel if you were invited to something like this?

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 14/08/2025 22:26

I think I’d most likely feel quite awkward as a guest tbh and make an excuse not to go.
It has potential for someone, anyone, to have one too many and for the whole thing to descend into chaos based on the fact that you mentioned that friends have chosen sides.
Not to say you shouldn’t have the party, I’m glad it’s been an amicable decision for you both and that you’re friends even though there is understandably sadness that it’s ended.
But no, I wouldn’t attend!

BarbaraVineFan · 14/08/2025 22:28

Sorry, but this is the weirdest Idea for a party that I have ever heard of! I wouldn’t be comfortable with it as a guest.

senua · 14/08/2025 22:29

he has suggested that we have a party
First things first. Who will do all the wifework for this great idea of his?

Original poster
ItsAFriendlySplit · 14/08/2025 22:31

senua · 14/08/2025 22:29

he has suggested that we have a party
First things first. Who will do all the wifework for this great idea of his?

tbh - He will. He loves it all.

OP posts:
MsMiniver · 14/08/2025 22:32

He could throw a housewarming party at his new place and invite you as guest of honour and everyone can see you being chummy there. This feels massively less weird to me than the moving on party as a last gasp in your shared home/ soon to be former home.

Zanatdy · 14/08/2025 22:43

I think it might be awkward for the guests. But guess you know your friends best. Might be a good ides to ensure they all know that the split is on good terms and gives them a chance to ask questions. As long as you’re both happy to answer and talk about the split.

SadTimesInFife · 14/08/2025 22:49

If you were that lawyer, and he was George Clooney, then yes...send me an invitation!😊

Amidelusional · 14/08/2025 23:12

I think this is a lovely idea. It will show your guests that you're still friendly and that there's no need for any awkwardness if e.g. there's an event that you're both invited too. I don't think it's weird, it would be nice if all break ups were this amicable

wevetalkedalittlenotalot · 14/08/2025 23:15

No, it’s weird. It’s like using your friends as props to demonstrate how amicable you are.

RockyRogue1001 · 14/08/2025 23:18

MsMiniver · 14/08/2025 22:32

He could throw a housewarming party at his new place and invite you as guest of honour and everyone can see you being chummy there. This feels massively less weird to me than the moving on party as a last gasp in your shared home/ soon to be former home.

This is a great idea.

Because i agree with both @Amidelusional and @wevetalkedalittlenotalot (and others), but this is a good compromise

SoloSofa24 · 14/08/2025 23:30

Isn't this the plot of a film that has just been released or is about to be released? I am sure I saw a trailer about a couple doing exactly this.

SoloSofa24 · 14/08/2025 23:31

Found it! https://www.imdb.com/title/tt32128317/

There are also a couple of other films called The Divorce Party, so your STBXH isn't the only one to have thought of it.

The Other Way Around (2024) ⭐ 6.4 | Comedy, Drama

1h 54m

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt32128317

Fargo79 · 14/08/2025 23:33

I actually think it's quite a nice idea. I don't know if you need to make it explicitly a "moving on party" but if you could find some other reason to have a knees up, I think it's a nice idea to host a final party together and I agree it would set out your stall as an enduring friendship.

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/08/2025 23:35

I’m sorry but I’d be telling him to fuck right off.

Mugon · 14/08/2025 23:38

I don't think it's a terrible idea, thinking of my friendship groups, I think most people would go (any excuse for a party!) and it might actually help people deal with your separation, as he suggests.

Or people could respond as posters here have. I think you should speak to a handful of the most important guests (ie the ones you need to make the party swing) and ask what they think.

HeddaGarbled · 14/08/2025 23:39

I think it’s all a bit Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin. No one really believes everything was hunky dory when they went on holiday together with their new partners, and your friends aren’t going to really believe you either.

FKAT · 14/08/2025 23:41

It sounds like something a C-list celeb would do to get coverage in OK magazine. I can see why you're divorcing him.

Cherryicecreamx · 14/08/2025 23:43

Fargo79 · 14/08/2025 23:33

I actually think it's quite a nice idea. I don't know if you need to make it explicitly a "moving on party" but if you could find some other reason to have a knees up, I think it's a nice idea to host a final party together and I agree it would set out your stall as an enduring friendship.

Yes I was thinking perhaps if it is named under something else it shows people how on good terms you are.

Rainbowqueeen · 14/08/2025 23:43

No. For all the reasons others have mentioned. the only guests who will come are the nosy parkers who will be watching you all night. Why do that to yourself?

SallyDraperGetInHere · 14/08/2025 23:45

I would find that very performative, and the cynic in me feels that he is using this as a positioning opportunity to show what a great guy he is.

Lurkingandlearning · 14/08/2025 23:50

It could be nice if all your friends were on board with the spirit of it, but as they are already taking sides I think that's unlikely. It might end up like a wake for your relationship minus all the reminiscing and funny stories because you two ghosts will be there.

mmmarmalade · 15/08/2025 00:24

@TheChosenTwo my thoughts exactly.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/08/2025 06:38

MsMiniver · 14/08/2025 22:32

He could throw a housewarming party at his new place and invite you as guest of honour and everyone can see you being chummy there. This feels massively less weird to me than the moving on party as a last gasp in your shared home/ soon to be former home.

I Agree

OxfordQuestion · 15/08/2025 07:23

It’s a bit self obsessed

stayathomer · 15/08/2025 07:29

Weird question but are you sure you both need to break up? Honestly just asking as I know a relative of someone who got a divorce and afterwards they nearly continued seeing each other as much and 5 years later they remarried. Same deal, kids had already left the house. Outside of that I’d say no, I’d imagine you’ll have to go through your deal with everyone at the party and explain that yes you’re still friends but no it won’t work. If you’re both sad one of you will spend the night getting drink and crying

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