Ex 'D'P ignoring solicitor's letters - what can I do?

[GreenwayHouse]

Hi all
It's been a few weeks since I posted. I've moved out of the home that I shared and owned with ex P (he's certainly not a 'D'P now) into a house I rented out. The plan was that he would buy me out. I had to wait for the tenants to leave before I could move out. He moved out for six months (I was going to but he then offered) but has now moved back in. I wish I hadn't left as I feel now that he's holding all the cards.

Over the last six months, he's taken weeks to respond each time to any correspondence from me or my solicitor. It's going through solicitors for various reasons, one of which is that he is trying to go after a share of my (one) house (despite having 5 houses of his own). The last solicitor's letter went to his 9 weeks ago. We gave him 14 days to respond which is standard and we're now 7 weeks over that. My solicitor has chased his multiple times.

I wish I'd not moved out and had stayed until the finances had been agreed. He's also claimed that, when I moved out, I took 'almost all of the contents' (this was via a holding response from his solicitor). That's just rubbish. Probably, like most women, I was the one who made the house a home and all the nice things in the house were things I had already or had bought during our time together. So the house would have looked bare when he moved back in.

I've had to contact him about various house admin matters over the last six months and he just ignores me and only replies after I message multiple times on different channels. (Yet, when he contacted me about wanting to pick up some things from the garage, I didn't reply for 48 hours and got a nasty email from him.)

He was the one who instigated the split, he's the one who gets to keep the house, and he's being an utter bastard now over the finances. I feel like I have no power now and my solicitor, although great at first, isn't being that forthcoming now. She has advised that, if he drags this out, I'll be liable for capital gains tax on any settlement as the house won't be classed as my primary residence anymore. So I'm wondering whether I should move back in with a blow up bed and a garden table for me to work off, even though this would be hell, and treat my other house as my secondary residence until it's all sorted.

I've been really upset about it all - which is what I'm sure my ex intends - and feel as if I have no power now. Has anyone been through similar who can give me help and practical advice?

Thanks

Speak to your solicitor but I’d quite happily continue to ignore him. You have just as much right to be there as he does, if he doesn’t like it then he’s welcome to leave.

I wouldn't admit to anything. I also wouldn't respond, speak to your solicitor.
He has no legal standing to remove you tomorrow with not even 24 hrs notice. And he can try and get a court order to remove you, go ahead.
I'd ignore. Any good solicitor will say that 5 working days is an acceptable response time.
He can also.leave at any time.

Absolutely not. Don’t give him any power. You are doing nothing wrong- it’s your house.

grey rock. He wants a rise from you.

Thanks @Mrsttcno1 and @BookArt55 - it doesn't look good that I called him a cold hearted bastard and he's managed to made me look awful and unhinged. Of course, he doesn't put the context behind any of what I said in the emails to his solicitor. I hope there are no grounds to have me removed by court order.

You say his name is not on deeds or mortgage. How can he remain in the house then? It’s your house - not his surely. Regardless of what money he may have lent. If you’re nice you’ll pay it back. Can you short term rent the other place? Are you in the uk?

@sweetpea85
The house we're in now is a house we own together. He needs to buy me out and is dragging his feet over a settlement. I left but have moved back in because otherwise I could be liable for capital gains tax on the settlement as this wouldn't be classed as my primary residence. He's taking so long that I don't trust him to get something agreed before the CGT requirement kicks in.

The house that doesn't have his name on the deeds or the mortgage is one I own. He lent/gave me some money to pay off the help to buy scheme when we moved in together - which he pushed for us to do. I always said I would pay him back what he lent me with some interest. But he doesn't want that. He wants 20% of the value of my house because that's what the help to buy scheme value was at the time.

Cheeky. Sorry you’re going through this. Do you know grey rock technique for while you have to live in shared house?

Yes, I need to start using that. He's come in and is being all nice to me for the first time in about 9 months. It's very weird!

Move back in and just ignore him. Don’t discuss your other home with him and he might start to take you seriously and more reasonable about the sale or move out. You must take back your power as you have currently given it away to him. Otherwise he could keep you dangling on a very expensive string! Be strong. Get rid of the solicitor. You don’t need them at the moment. Good luck!

Agree with @1Strawberrycatignore nice/nasty, don’t talk about your house he has no legal right to, maybe short term let it and read up on your rights and rep yourself as much as possible

Thanks @1Strawberrycat Unfortunately the solicitors have been involved for a few months now. Can’t see a way back from that now unless he agrees to sit down and talk to me. He hasn’t up to now.

How much equity are we talking on your 32% share?

My solicitor calculated that I’m owed nearly £100k. He said £55k but ‘kindly’ offered to up to £70k.

As I say to everyone, get this straight into court via a FormA. Then he will be compelled to produce his Form E that details his income & expenditure , assets etc, if he does not he can be forced to. If he doesn’t then a judge can make a financial order based on the information you provide. Also this costs £360 & that’s it including the writing of the financial order (unless you hire a solicitor) my advice would be to do the first hearing without one & only use one for advice or for hearings which discuss the actual financial matters. Unless you do this a solicitor will get you spending thousands on letters back & forth. ChatGPT will be able to help with this & tbh we did most of my DP’s divorce & financial order using chat gpt with his alcoholic narcissist ex who refused to co-operate in any meaningful divorce proceedings.

Hi @boredwfh We weren’t married so I’m assuming that none of that applies?

Good that he's not happy. That's what you want/need for him to be VERY unhappy. He is obviously enjoying te power he has over you so how ever unpleasant it may be, I hope you can find the courage to move back in. It sounds like the only thing you can doo without spending a fortune that you don't have.

Thanks @Nantescalling

So an update on my situation. I did move back in - on an airbed in the spare room and I stayed and worked there for a few weeks. He did hate it. He goaded me the first night into saying a few things - none of which I regret or would take back - but then he used that to go to his solicitor to claim I was abusive and threaten me with a court order unless I agreed to vacate within 24 hours.

He also set up CCTV in some of the rooms he used in an attempt to record me being abusive or going through his things. I'd only gone through some paperwork in his office once months ago to get some information relating to our mortgage which he'd never shared with me. But he felt this was a gross invasion of privacy. I felt he was denying me access to financial information that I had a right to see because it had my name on it (e.g. it related to our joint mortgage).

In the end, and after several thousand pounds spent on solicitor's fees, we agreed on a figure. I agreed to move out again as soon as we signed the separation agreement but he prevaricated on that, dragged it out and was spiteful.

I am just waiting on the money now. He is remortgaging to raise the funds but I'm hopeful I will get it soon.

Our house together is very close to the one I moved back to (I moved to the area first and rented my house out when we bought a place together). So unfortunately I still see him around and I saw him last night at the local shop, with my lovely neighbour whom I'd considered to be a good friend. So that's upset me. It's very hard to move on when I have the threat of bumping into him hanging over me every day. He always said he'd move back to his home town if anything went wrong between us or if I got hit by a bus. It would make sense as his job, friends and parents are all based there, but for some reason he's decided he's going to stay in the house we had together. I'd asked him repeatedly if there was someone else and he's always denied it (but then he would, wouldn't he!). Good luck to her if there is.