Ex 'D'P ignoring solicitor's letters - what can I do?

[GreenwayHouse]

Hi all
It's been a few weeks since I posted. I've moved out of the home that I shared and owned with ex P (he's certainly not a 'D'P now) into a house I rented out. The plan was that he would buy me out. I had to wait for the tenants to leave before I could move out. He moved out for six months (I was going to but he then offered) but has now moved back in. I wish I hadn't left as I feel now that he's holding all the cards.

Over the last six months, he's taken weeks to respond each time to any correspondence from me or my solicitor. It's going through solicitors for various reasons, one of which is that he is trying to go after a share of my (one) house (despite having 5 houses of his own). The last solicitor's letter went to his 9 weeks ago. We gave him 14 days to respond which is standard and we're now 7 weeks over that. My solicitor has chased his multiple times.

I wish I'd not moved out and had stayed until the finances had been agreed. He's also claimed that, when I moved out, I took 'almost all of the contents' (this was via a holding response from his solicitor). That's just rubbish. Probably, like most women, I was the one who made the house a home and all the nice things in the house were things I had already or had bought during our time together. So the house would have looked bare when he moved back in.

I've had to contact him about various house admin matters over the last six months and he just ignores me and only replies after I message multiple times on different channels. (Yet, when he contacted me about wanting to pick up some things from the garage, I didn't reply for 48 hours and got a nasty email from him.)

He was the one who instigated the split, he's the one who gets to keep the house, and he's being an utter bastard now over the finances. I feel like I have no power now and my solicitor, although great at first, isn't being that forthcoming now. She has advised that, if he drags this out, I'll be liable for capital gains tax on any settlement as the house won't be classed as my primary residence anymore. So I'm wondering whether I should move back in with a blow up bed and a garden table for me to work off, even though this would be hell, and treat my other house as my secondary residence until it's all sorted.

I've been really upset about it all - which is what I'm sure my ex intends - and feel as if I have no power now. Has anyone been through similar who can give me help and practical advice?

Thanks

Solicitor letters are meaningless, how was he given 14 days to reply, like, 14 days or else...another letter?
Can't you not start court proceedings to force a sale?

Your solicitor sounds utterly useless.

Get this to court to force a sale of the property.

This.

You can force a sale under TOLATA, but it’s expensive.

Solicitors letters are great and for some are enough to get a wriggle on but the reality is they’re a bit powerless, you can give however many days to reply but if they don’t… then what? Nothing really. He knows that.

Thanks all.
I might have to force a sale but I’ve been advised it will cost around £30k each. My solicitor advised him of this in her first letter. But, since then, I feel we’ve made too many concessions and we’re just waiting for him to reply. I’ve replied to his solicitor within a matter of days each time because I want to get it resolved.

We gave him 14 days in the last letter and I was told that was standard. It’s getting ridiculous now though.

If I force a house sale, will I have to pay costs upfront? He has access to funds through rich relatives. I’m burning through my savings on the house move and solicitor’s fees so I don’t have anywhere near that much now.

Yeah it is really expensive to force a sale through TOLATA unfortunately, it may end up being your only option. You typically do have to make quite a large upfront payment to your solicitor to start a TOLATA action yes, you might then be able to claim them back from him down the line if successful but initially you would need to pay.

Send him a letter that you will be moving back into the property within 2 weeks and then do that. Just buy a cheap bed and take a suitcase. Go back to your rental property as and when you feel like and don’t tell him when you will be coming and going. Basically, smoke him out. It’s your property too and if he wants you gone he will need to engage properly.

Another reminder isn’t going to work. You need to show teeth. You can do that by moving in. Or by moving to the next stage - which won’t necessarily commit you to spending the full 30k. You can up the ante by claiming a share of all his property.

Court action is expensive but the outcomes are also uncertain. If he has a lawyer they will tell him it isn’t worth rolling the dice on a judge who could agree you have an interest in those other properties.

Why is he going after a share of your own property? That's something only divorcing couples would need to sort?

You're wasting money on solicitors bits of paper, they'll write whatever customers want, as you've seen, the letters are pointless.
Move back in, or stay there sometimes, as a surprise.

He lent me money to pay off the government help to buy scheme share of my property when we moved in together. He borrowed this money from a relative so it's not as if he's lost out and could have invested it elsewhere. I wanted to keep my house (and am glad I did) so I could rent it out and move back in case we ever split up (and here we are - me moving back in). I'd been in this situation in my 20s and didn't want to end up stressing to find a place to live again.

I always said I'd repay him what he lent me but he's saying we had an agreement that I'd let him have 20% of the value of the property (we didn't and his name on not on the deeds or on the mortgage agreement). He is pushing for me to get my house valued so that he can have 20% of the value of it. We weren't married and therefore I can't go after a share of his properties.

I also signed up for a 32% share of the house when we moved in together based on what he put in initially and then we both promptly forgot and I have been paying 50% of everything. He acknowledged we forgot this in a previous letter but now is saying we both knew. My solicitor has asked for an 'equitable accounting exercise' whereby I get back the additional share of what I put in but he's disputing this now.

Plus there's other stuff (cost of sales at 2%) which he wants added in. Moving cost me thousands yet he wants me to contribute £6k towards a hypothetical house sale. I don't understand why I would do this when, once the house is his, he can do what he wants with it, so why would I contribute towards the cost of sale? Apparently this is a standard thing that's put in though.

He's just ignoring my solicitor's letters and now I've moved out, I feel I have no cards at all. I can't bear him - he's been absolutely vile - but I think I will have to bite the bullet and move back in and pay the mortgage on two houses until we get it sorted. He holds the cards whatever happened.

Thank you. This is useful to know. He has lots of rich relatives who can sub him and I don't but I'll have to see what I can do.

It's a difficult situation to be in and a stressful one. A non-cooperative ex can create havoc and ensure you wrack up huge open ended legal fees in trying to untangle yourself. The outlook is murky if it goes to court for unmarried couples.
Solicitors can advise on the legal aspects, but you are in the reality of it, so take their advice as a guide but not a route map.
You must negotiate as best you can and keep things on track.

I would negotiate with your ex yourself- if you can bring yourself to do it. In my experience solicitors are not so good at this part, and are both too rigid and perversely non-committal.

I would try and meet up with the ex and be in a conciliatory mood. Say, you hate all this conflict and could you try to come to an agreement amicably etc.

Then offer with your ex as follows:

-You would be willing to give up a claim to your additional contributions to the shared property and just take your 32%.
-Ex would give up a claim to your own house. I know he doesn't actually have a claim on it, but if you can make him believe you're accepting the 32% on condition he doesn't claim on your house he may feel it's a win for him.
-In reality, the court may well just award you what is on your contract for this - the 32%, and out of this would come all your considerable costs - this is the risk you face.

Don't mention the 6% of moving costs at this stage. Work out how much you would pay in capital gains tax and compare it to the 6%. If the 6% is the lesser amount, then offer him 3% framed as a goodwill gesture, and be prepared to negotiate up slightly on condition that the split of assets is done promptly within a certain time-frame (that avoids the CG).
Don't let him know about the threat of CG - it's too much leverage for him.

Cost out these various scenarios - I think you'll find they are likely to be less of a hit than the solicitor/court/CG fees route.

The risk of the hit with legal action = Capital gains + solicitor fees + court costs deducted from a minimal award of 32% is not worth the stress and time it will cost you.
It's not an equitable settlement but the stress will be minimised and it will be over with much quicker. Think of it as purely a business transaction - what is the most capital you can walk away with whilst incurring minimal risk of loss?
Work that out and you will have a plan of action.

Thank you @cupofstrongtea
Unfortunately the horse has bolted with most of that. I tried to speak to him myself and keep solicitors out but he just ignored me.
And he knows about the CGT issue as my solicitor put it in a previous letter. She referred to it and said that, if it drags on so that I have to pay that, she would want that taken into account in a settlement.

I'm sorry to hear that - not surprised at rigid solicitors who don't cope well on the tactics front... it's very frustrating.

How quickly do you need your capital from the shared house? Do you have a shared mortgage or is it owned outright?
If not needed imminently, is it likely your ex will want to move at some point?

In your shoes, I might be tempted to bide my time and take a leaf out of your ex's book. It sounds as if he really doesn't care about the CG and will span out the process out of spite now.

Ask your solicitor about the process of putting a charge on the house with the land registry so it cannot be sold or mortgaged.
Also about the possibility of collecting rent on your share of the property, and this accruing with interest until you can access the capital.

Thanks @cupofstrongtea
we have a mortgage on the property, but there’s a lot of equity in it. I would like the money from it. It’s been six months now since we split up and he’s just been dragging his feet the whole time.

Now I’ve officially moved out, the deadline for CGT will kick in. I’ve also had to remortgage my other house and I think he’s also partly delaying so that I don’t have any money to put towards my new mortgage.

I don’t understand why he’s taking so long each time but I’m getting fed up and my solicitor isn’t doing very much to advise me of my options or help. She told me that we can’t compel him to reply unless we take him to court. It just feels like I’m getting nowhere and now I’ve moved out he holds all the cards. It’s very frustrating.

Move back in - if has bolted the door, you can get a locksmith.

Thanks @Lavenderflower I’ve told him I’m going to move some stuff back in tomorrow and will start staying back in the house from next week (I’m away over the weekend). He’s not happy!

I’d definitely move back in, might make him stop dragging his heels.

All roads lead to court by the looks of things. The sooner the better.

I had to take my ex to court to force the sale of 6 properties. He remortgaged them all eventually and had to pay back some of my court fees. I represented myself in court the last few times that was much easier than I thought. Try it.

Have you tried a Mediator? Could be worth a shot and cheaper than solicitors. Again, it does mean he has to agree to it... which is am currently struggling to get my ex to do. Might keep the conversation calmer.
I understand your pain! I'm in a similar situation wjth ex living in tbe house, but time wise it has been going on a lot longer.

Have you paid him back the loan for your property?

How much was that loan compared to 32% of the equity in the joint home?

Thanks all. I haven't been on in a few days and have only just spotted the new posts.

@AllosaurusMum - no, I haven't paid him back yet. It's to come from my share of the equity in the house. Initially he said he would accept repayment of the money with a bit of interest which is fine but now he's trying to go after 20% of the value of my house which would mean another £20/£25k. Not sure about the question about the comparison to 32% of the house we own together? They're two separate things but there's enough equity for me to have a share of the house and pay him back and have a good amount left over.

@BookArt55 - I suggested a mediator some time ago but had hoped we would reach an agreement by then. However, because he's been so unresponsive, I think it might have to be a next step. I've come down and come down in the figures I'm prepared to accept but I'm not prepared to come down to the low figure he offered me initially.

So - an update. I moved back in last night. I moved some stuff back in a week ago so that I reclaimed my space - bedroom, bathroom and study, and some kitchen space. It sparked off a letter from his solicitor last Monday saying they wanted a written undertaking by 4pm that day that I would remove my things and wouldn't be moving back in. I said no and said that I was entitled to move back in. We had exchanged some emails the previous week and he forwarded them onto his solicitor who of course made me out to be threatening* and emotional (at least I have some emotions left - he's turned into a cold hearted bastard!).

I caught up with my solicitor two days later who has written him a good letter telling him I'm entitled to be here and that it's his lack of engagement that has forced me to move back in. She also commented in her letter that she doesn't like the way they are speaking about me and that it's not conducive to an amicable settlement. We've sent him another proposal in an attempt to bring things to a close but I know he won't accept it and will bugger about some more.

I went to see him when I was in the house last night. It didn't go well. He just says every time that it's "my actions" that have forced him to go after a share of my house and he keeps telling me how well I'm doing out of all of this (I really am not). When he broke up with me (or rather stopped talking to me for months so that I was forced to break up with him) he told me then it was "my actions" that had made him act that way.

He also asked me twice in emails what my friends think of him, and my replies were what he forwarded on to his solicitor. Of course my friends aren't impressed with the way he's treated me over the last 12 months. What does he expect?

I honestly don't know what's happened to him. It's like he's got something in his brain that has turned him into a different person. He was ill a year ago and I did wonder if it affected his brain. He's unbelievably horrible now.

Moving back in might backfire on me because he might drag it out while I pay two lots of mortgage and bills for months. I had hoped it would force his hand. He really doesn't want me here though but he indicated that he's not going to accept my latest proposal so I could be here a while. There's no sign of a woman's touch in the house at all. It's a messy bachelor pad now. I'd be very surprised if he had someone else based on how he's living now. But good luck to her if he is seeing someone.

It might have to go to court. Not ideal but I can't see this being resolved any time soon.

*He has several other houses and my friends know this. Apparently this means I am threatening to share his personal financial information with third parties!!

Further update - I've had a letter from his solicitor via mine saying that they want me out of the house by 12pm tomorrow. And I'm not out by Tuesday morning, they'll seek a court order to have me removed because it's intolerable for him to be living in these conditions. This is on the basis of an email I sent him last week and the fact that I 'confronted him' last night (I went to tell him I was in the house, and that I called him a 'selfish bastard' (I called him a 'cold hearted bastard' and walked off to end the conversation).

Should I send him an email apologising for calling him a 'cold hearted bastard' and undertaking to be civil to him until we've reached a settlement?