Ex wanting increase in custody...at an interesting time

[Swiftlytailored]

Hi,

Been divorced 8 years when ex left for OW. Children very small (preschool and one just starting school).

He moved a little away with OW and I stayed in our town. had kids every other weekend plus 1 night. Suited him as he climbed the ranks at work whilst I did the grunt work of young childcare.

I recently moved with new partner slightly out of town and we've waited ages to do so blending our family. It's great and we've done it all so slowly so we all knew each other well.

Ex's partner now has to move near work so he's had to get a place on his own again. He's saying he's moving right by their school and wants 50/50 custody. He's using the distance as an argument despite him arguing the benefits/non issues when he himself initially moved away.

I don't want this. We've recently moved, trying to form our own new family and are just settling and I'll miss the kids I've grown so close to being their primary carer.

He's never asked for children more and tbh always asked for adjustments for his work.

It's his change in circumstances (and maybe a bit put out I've finally got on with my life) plus he's always been salty about maintenance but always paid.

Has he got a good case if he pushed it further?

My ex did this, our dd was 14 and could stay on her own, get to school on her own and was generally a lot easier. He spoke to her and arranged 50/50 with her behind my back. I was fuming and really upset. But it’s what my dd wanted.

I agreed but made sure that he had to buy uniforms, pe kits, clothes etc as I wouldn’t be providing him with anything, nothing except her and her phone went to each house. If she was sick on his weeks he had to take leave off work or make alternate arrangements. If he wanted to go away on his weekends the same applied. In all fairness to him he did all this and we have a fairly good relationship. But I know he was motivated by money! He’s now moaning like hell as she has an expensive hobby and is looking at uni’s. I’ve told her I’ll pay 50% but her Dad now needs to cough up the rest. She’s now getting a lot more expensive which is making me chuckle.

I’m still annoyed that he went for eow when we split as he couldn’t have her due to work commitments (even tho I was the higher earner), and was only interested when she was much ‘easier’. My dd can now see this as he’s still a selfish twat with my dd.

@OnceIn did you still maintain a good relationship with your DD? Did you get used to the pattern?

Last year when my exh told me he wanted to have our kids from 20th-27th December, I employed this tactic. Reminded him that he would have to sort out their stockings, Santa presents and what they look forward to on Christmas morning. Funnily enough he changed his mind.

It's actually really sad that so many men are not willing to put in the scantest amount of work for their kids. I love Christmas shopping for them, I imagine the smiles on their faces and it makes me happy.

I don't want this. We've recently moved, trying to form our own new family and are just settling and I'll miss the kids I've grown so close to being their primary carer. unfortunately too many women take this view. That they are moving forward with their new life and their new family, and they see the ex as getting in the way of that.

The thing is, the kids aren’t part of just your new family. The ex is also their family, and they have just as much right to an equal relationship with him as they do with you.

Yes the kids might get on with the SDC, but let’s be honest,no kids want to be part of a blended family. They agree to it, they have a decent time if the relationship between them and the step siblings is a good one, but given the choice the majority of children wouldn’t choose to do it. They do it because their parents do.

Assuming the ex is a decent father any child would choose to spend time with their father than be happy being part of the mother’s moving on with a new family ideal.

There is no need to be mean to OP - she has come across as a caring and loving parent who is trying to work this out.