Husband refusing to leave? Anyone experienced this?

[Firefly45]

Im looking for some advice from women who may have been in my position.

Been married 19yrs and have 1 DD (17yrs).
It's an unhappy marriage. Ive got to 50yrs old and realised I can't spend next 30 years bickering and being emotionally unsupported. There is no sex, no affection, no emotional support.
We have a nice lifestyle and holidays, paid off mortgage but that's it.

Ive told my husband that I am done and I want him to leave. I bought my house and lived in the house for 10 yrs before he moved in. My house is in my name only.
Husband has contributed to mortgage and upkeep of house for last 18yrs and mortgage is now paid off. Husband is not on the house deeds.

My husband is point blank refusing to leave the house and also saying he is not buying me out. Husband is saying why should he now be financially impacted or leave his home just because I've changed my mind and dont want to be married to him.
He said he is happy to live as friends for next 30 years. We are not friends, I am full of resentment towards him.

I do not want to leave my house. I bought it and paid for it for 10yrs. I want it to go to my DD when I die.

Even if I did decide to leave I cannot get a new place without him buying me out which he said he will not do.

I know I need legal advice but its so expensive and would really appreciate any similar experiences that anyone else has had in this situation?

I do understand that it is upsetting for him and scary and horrible but he is refusing to discuss or negotiate so I feel I am trapped.

All your replies are correct. The house is not ‘yours’, it belongs to both of you and is a marital asset. You can buy him out if you want to stay there but will need to work out how much all the other assets are worth as well so the split can be fair.

It might be for example if you have less pension compared to his that you do not have any of his pension in return for buying him out for less, but again you need advice. Every £ in a pension is not like for like for cash or £ in a house either and has to be calculated carefully and depends on the type of pension as well.

If you want to stay in the house you will have to buy him out, no other option. If I was him I wouldn’t leave the property either and any legal advice he receives will advise him to stay in the property, which is half his anyway.

I do not want to leave my house. I bought it and paid for it for 10yrs. I want it to go to my DD when I die.

Then you should never have married him.

But you did. And now the house is a marital asset. ie it's his as much as it's yours. It doesn't matter who owned it prior to marriage or whose name is on the deeds. It doesn't matter whether he contributed towards it or not. It stopped being "my house" when you married and became "our house".

He's being ridiculous too though. If neither of you wants to buy the other one out, the house will have to be sold and the proceeds split between you. He can't unilaterally decide that he'll live there with you "as friends" until one of you dies.

He's basically trying to stick his head in the sand and ignore the divorce. Which he can't do because you don't need his permission to end the relationship and he has no control over, or say in, that matter.

Since he's going to be moving out anyway, it makes sense if he lets you buy him out and you agree to do it. Are there other marital assets? Pensions, savings, investments, second home etc? If so and they're enough, you could forfeit some or all of your share in exchange for keeping the house. Otherwise you're looking at taking out a mortgage to buy him out.

Your first step is to get a divorce solicitor and get the house valued. If you don't have separate bank accounts organise that ASAP too, ensuring you remove yourself from any joint accounts so he can't run up joint debts.

Is there a thread on this already im sure this is the second one.

it doesnt work like that-unless you had it ringfenced hes probably entitled to half roughly

my dister broke up with her husband but knew she couldnt force him to leave eventually he did buy her out after looking at other options

I'm so sorry for your situation, I will most likely be going through this at some point.
Firstly you need a financial order put into place. If you do not do this he could claim half of lets say lottery winnings 10 years down the line even if your divorced or half of your pension. That obviously applies to you as it works both ways.

The courts won't care that he states he won't buy you out as he wants to stay. 1 he either moves out or buys your share he cannot legally do what he is threatning.

Your share of the property may not be equal, factors may be income, dependancy of a child and which one of you will house the child , individual needs like health issues affecting the income your able to make in employment.

If one or both of you have a pension you may want to trade it off for less share of the property say.

But its 50/50 to start with before the other factors.

It sounds like he is upset and probably thinking you will change your mind thats why he wants to stay and live as freinds, that doubtfully would not last.

Give him time and he will realise as upetting as it may be that he can not stay in the house unless he gives you your share.

Good luck!

You need to get the idea that it's your house out of your head. It isn't. It belongs to both of you. Accept that and choose how to proceed.

Married for 20 years, having contributed to mortgage & upkeep of house, & you refer to it as ‘my’ house? Poor man! Imagine if a man was speaking this way about the wife he’d decided to dispense with!

You need a solicitor, & to realise that the house is a shared asset that will be the subject of negotiation & a settlement. You don’t get to just put people out on the pavement like a rubbish bag, & that’s a good thing.

As others said - your house is a marital asset after this long marriage. Your only choice of making a change is to file for divorce and separate/share finances.
If one if you can buy the other out - than this can be negotiated. If not - you will have to sell the house and each get your own property.

Unfortunately in your situation - this is the legal situation, as you are married. If you were not - it'd have been different.

She's posted the same thread in Chat and in Divorce.

The 50% is just a starting point. There are other factors that come into play.

Your post actually made me angry (for you).
There's no way he would be made just walk away after such a long marriage, even if house and deeds are just in your name.
I know how you feel about your home, however, my advice would be to start afresh for yourself,
"uncontaminated", if you want.
In this situation I wouldn't waste my precious time to bicker with him about buying him out, etc.
No advice, but again, understanding.

Create a plan of action to move forward. Neither persuasion or resentment are effective strategies, so view it as a legal and business transaction, and focus your energy into action.

1. Keep a current and savings account your sole name. Build all spare funds for legal fees.
2. Learn about the divorce and financial settlement process, timelines and options.
3. Create a paperwork file for copies of pensions, savings and asset details.
4. Once in place, ask your spouse if he wants to opt for the amicable settlement route with a fixed fee provider. The cost is £1200 between you, including court fees. If not, then the default option is through solicitors.

Divorce is a long and expensive process. Make peace with that fact as a price worth paying to escape the current status quo.

Don't try to negotiate anything at all now. Stick to your divorce plan, and keep it moving at a pace. Negotiation comes much further down the line.
Save, research, gather files, take action.

I do not want to leave my house. I bought it and paid for it for 10yrs. I want it to go to my DD when I die.

You can’t have your cake and eat it I’m afraid.

This is the family home you’re talking about. If you no longer want to live as a family and don’t want to be with him anymore what do you expect him to do? Just pack a bag and leave without any money behind him after paying the mortgage, bills and upkeep on the house you all lived in and raised a joint child in?

You either buy him out and take on a mortgage or you sell up and split the money.

You need to face up to the reality of the situation I’m afraid.

You’re married. So he’s ’entitled’ to half the value of the house. Looks like you’ll have to sell it, if neither of you can afford to buy the other out. You’ll be able to force a sale. Not ideal but that’d be the only answer. :(

It’s 100% a joint marital asset regardless of the fact it’s in your name.if you want to keep it you’ll need to agree k wall financial settlement, work out a share of it each ( depending on all other assets too) and buy him out

any decent solicitor will tell him to stay out and put a home rights notice on the land registry

Well can you buy him out? It's either that or sell the house and divide up the proceeds isn't it? Obviously he's not just going to walk away with nothing.