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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husband refusing to leave? Anyone experienced this?

41 replies

Firefly45 · 15/07/2025 11:12

Im looking for some advice from women who may have been in my position.

Been married 19yrs and have 1 DD (17yrs).
It's an unhappy marriage. Ive got to 50yrs old and realised I can't spend next 30 years bickering and being emotionally unsupported. There is no sex, no affection, no emotional support.
We have a nice lifestyle and holidays, paid off mortgage but that's it.

Ive told my husband that I am done and I want him to leave. I bought my house and lived in the house for 10 yrs before he moved in. My house is in my name only.
Husband has contributed to mortgage and upkeep of house for last 18yrs and mortgage is now paid off. Husband is not on the house deeds.

My husband is point blank refusing to leave the house and also saying he is not buying me out. Husband is saying why should he now be financially impacted or leave his home just because I've changed my mind and dont want to be married to him.
He said he is happy to live as friends for next 30 years. We are not friends, I am full of resentment towards him.

I do not want to leave my house. I bought it and paid for it for 10yrs. I want it to go to my DD when I die.

Even if I did decide to leave I cannot get a new place without him buying me out which he said he will not do.

I know I need legal advice but its so expensive and would really appreciate any similar experiences that anyone else has had in this situation?

I do understand that it is upsetting for him and scary and horrible but he is refusing to discuss or negotiate so I feel I am trapped.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 15/07/2025 11:14

I’m sorry OP but after 19 years of marriage he is right, it doesn’t matter who’s name is on the house, it is BOTH of your houses. It’s not just yours and you cannot force him to leave.

ARichtGoodDram · 15/07/2025 11:15

You'll need to get specific legal advice for where you are.

In many places the fact you've been married so long, it's the marital home and he's paid into the mortgage will mean that regardless of who is on the deeds the house is a marital asset and you wouldn't be able to just kick him out.

Poopeepoopee · 15/07/2025 11:17

I' m assuming he's not leaving because he doesn't have anywhere else to go?

Have you made him a financial offer yet? How do you envisage the split of marital assets?

GoldDuster · 15/07/2025 11:19

Due to the length of the marriage and the fact that he's paid the mortgage I think you might find that the house is a marital asset and not ringfenced for your DD. You can't ask him to leave your house with a suitcase full of shirts unfortunately, it's not going to work like that.

You need legal advice. Yes it is expensive, but in reality you're not going to be able to get through this divorce without taking some legal advice, so you might as well get it done so you know where you stand at least and what your next move might be. If you want to stay in the house it's likely you'll have to buy him out, so a legal bill is something you can tack on top of that. Divorce is not cheap or easy.

Helpmeplease2025 · 15/07/2025 11:20

A lawyer would tell him to stay put. After almost 20 years married, courts would likely order the house to be sold and proceeds split 50/50, or one of you would have to buy the other out. It’s not ‘your house’

You need legal advice.

Parky04 · 15/07/2025 11:20

It is no longer your house as it would now be regarded as a marital asset. If you want to keep the house, it would be you that has to buy him out!

emmabseconds · 15/07/2025 11:22

You need an appointment with a solicitor.

how much of a mortgage can you raise on your salary? Is it half the value of the property as that’s a likely starting point for how much you’d have to give him.

why get married if you wanted to keep your asset yours? Didn’t you realise this at the time?

BeltaLodaLife · 15/07/2025 11:25

You can’t kick him out. It’s his home. If you want him to leave then you need to buy him out; half that house is his (until negotiations and then you may get a higher percentage).

If neither of you want to leave then you’ll have to do what lots of couples do when they divorce; live together until the financial order is made.

Serve divorce papers, go through the process and wait for a judge to sign off on the financial order which will tell you who gets what. You might have to sell the house and split the money or you might be able to buy him out.

CommissarySushi · 15/07/2025 11:26

You'll need to buy him out, if you want to keep the house.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/07/2025 11:28

As others have said, it’s not your house, it’s both of your house and he doesn’t have to leave.

BleakHoose · 15/07/2025 11:30

I can see his point tbh. He's not the one that wants to change the status quo, but you're asking him to take on all the hassle of moving out (& cost of renting somewhere potentially) whilst your life stays the same only without him in it.

Fair enough that you want a divorce, but when you got married you signed up to have to go through the proper channels if you split up, so you need to do that.

Mauvehoodie · 15/07/2025 11:38

He can't force you to cohabit for the rest of your life. But the house will likely be a shared asset. I'd get all the info you can on house value, dates (of marriage, house purchase etc), pensions, savings, incomes etc and go and see a solicitor. You can serve him divorce papers while still living together and go through the process to come to a financial agreement (I was told 50/50 of all assets is the starting point unless incomes are significantly different or there are significant caring responsibilities).

Bufftailed · 15/07/2025 11:40

You need to reach a financial agreement. Obviously he is entitled to part of house

IkeaJesusChrist · 15/07/2025 11:48

It's his house too, you can't just kick him out.

Ponderingwindow · 15/07/2025 11:50

You have to dissolve your financial and legal partnership. That is the core of a divorce as it truly is the core of the government recognized aspect of the marriage.

If a couple is cooperative and wants to avoid paying solicitors: You both need to list all of your assets. Absolutely everything including pensions. It helps to put it in a spreadsheet. Then start moving things into columns for each of you with the goal of getting the totals to match. Some assets are easier to split than others so keep that in mind.

simsbustinoutmimi · 15/07/2025 11:52

House will be a marital asset. You can’t make him leave unfortunately it’s not like he’s been abusive. It’s a bit cold to chuck him out, I’d be sleeping in separate rooms until he’s found somewhere.

SummerCity · 15/07/2025 11:54

If neither of you can afford to buy the other out you might have to sell the house and downsize. Try to reframe it as a fresh start. Lots of couples have to do this on divorce (I did with two small dc.)

DaisyChain505 · 15/07/2025 11:58

You need legal advice. Plain and simple.

It is his house and much as it is yours and you’ll either need to sell it and split the money or buy him out to stay.

Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean the rules are different.

DaisyChain505 · 15/07/2025 12:00

You say you know you need legal advice but it is expensive. It’s expensive for a reason…because you need it and it’s invaluable.

If you want a divorce and you want out of this situation you will need legal advice and representation.

Just get on with it and find a solicitor.

MrsFeljne · 15/07/2025 12:00

Legally speaking he’s right, the house is a marital asset, even if it’s in your name.

Your options are:

You buy him out at 50% of the value
He buys you out at 50% of the value
You sell the house and get 50% each

CopperWhite · 15/07/2025 12:06

You married him and he has lived there and contributed for your child’s entire life. He has as much right to stay in the home as you do. If you want him out, offer to buy him out. You don’t have the right to make him homeless just because you chose to end the relationship.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/07/2025 12:08

You might get your original 10 years back if he wasn’t living with you then. Obviously he gets something as he’s contributed for nearly 20 years. That’s why you need a lawyers advice, you can’t afford not to.

pinkdelight · 15/07/2025 12:10

My husband is point blank refusing to leave the house and also saying he is not buying me out.

He doesn't have to buy you out but if you want to stay there and keep the house, you'll have to buy him out. There's no scenario in which the house is yours and he gets no stake in it. You've been married a long time so it's 50/50 joint owned no matter what's on the deeds. It's a marital asset, you must understand the basic principles of a marriage even without legal advice. If a man owned a house then married a woman who never contributed financially, the house would still be half hers after 19 years of marriage. You need to start divorce proceedings and bottom all this out through that process. It won't be easy but will be worth it in the long run. Your future happiness is the thing to focus on, which may or may not be in this house.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 15/07/2025 12:10

If the roles were reversed, would you obey his instruction to move out?

Snorlaxo · 15/07/2025 12:15

Unless you’re not in the UK then it doesn’t matter whose names are on the deeds or that you’ve paid in more. It’s a long marriage and it’s perfectly reasonable for him to want 50% of the equity in the house.

Your choices are buy him out or sell and split the proceeds.

If there are lots of assets like saving and pensions then he might agree to swap some of that for house equity eg you might offer him more cash savings for less house equity.

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