Moving away from father of kids

[Panickypants]

Just looking for a sense check please!

I’ve been separated from father of my kids for five years. Horrible while we were together (15 years of passive ag, gas lighting, zero affection etc) so so unhappy - but very amicable since we split essentially because I have bent over backwards to keep it that way / make life easy for him and do everything I can to ensure my kids are happy.

I work full time in a demanding job and do 90% of the childcare outside of when I’m working. Financially I stand on my own two feet with a small maintenance payment from ex each month. I cover school fees. Not sure that this all really matters! Anyway …

A year ago I met the loveliest man. We adore each other - he’s my soul mate. He lives 2.5 hours away so our time without and with our kids together is very limited.

I really want to move to be close to him (not to even live together). I genuinely think it would be a lovely place for my kids to grow up (they are 8-12) with good schools etc (v limited options where I am now) and next year would be a good move year as eldest goes to secondary. The kids also love my partner to bits. He’s the father figure they wish they had (interesting / interested / relaxed).

Am I stuck where I am for the next ten years because this is where ex and I “settled”? Or could I move? Could ex stop me? I’d do everything I could to make sure he sees the kids as much as he does now (not much! And I am ALWAYS encouraging more). My new partner wouldn’t be able to move because of his work location (own business).

May be I’m living in LaLa land but I’ve had a life event that has made me appreciate how short life is, I’ve been so unhappy for so long. Waiting ten years before I can be with the love of my life makes me sad but may be that’s just tough.

No expectation of course, but ex could move. Zero local ties (we moved here knowing no one and he’s made two friends!). Was talking about selling his place recently. His aging parents actually live close to where I’d want go.

Please tell me if I’m being selfish (I genuinely think this would be an positive move for the kids) and it’s a pipe dream or can I take take back control of my happiness. Thank you!

It’s not about eff him.
It’s about forcing the kids to travel and completely disrupt their lives, weekends, ability to be part of sports clubs or friendships. Etc. So disruptive for them and not positive

op has taken feedback on board which is great. The relationship is too new to do this. A man she barely knows.

It’s a lot of travel that the kids would be doing, it’s not fair to them. I have had to stick around this location where I live for the last 15yrs, despite not being able to afford to buy here. Next year my youngest goes to Uni and I can finally make my move north, and buy a house at last. It’s not been easy, but it’s been the right thing for my kids. They were at an outstanding school here, which wouldn’t be the case where I was planning on moving to, and they’ve both excelled academically and have a good relationship with their father. As hard as it can be, they came first.

I guess this guy could look at starting a business near you, though not easy to uproot like that, or you continue to live separately.

Thank you. And for all your comments. I’m sitting tight. The future will bring what the future brings (that being in ten years time). I’m not unhappy where I am. Lots of nice friends so it’s hardly a chore!