What to do next?

[Whattodonextplease]

My son's partner of 7 years suddenly said she wants to break up and moved out. No warning, he's devastated and not coping too well.

After 2 days apart she asked him to buy her out of their home and went to see a financial adviser. Not married, no children.

It's a shared equity home. Part on mortgage and part rented. It's less than 2 weeks and she's asking for him to send salary details etc to her financial advisor. She's arranged for an estate agent to value tomorrow. Then at weekend is going to work out value of contents and how much she wants.

It's a roller coaster and he's still in shock from the break up. They didn’t argue, no signs, that he's aware of.

Any advice please?

I'm attempting to support him emotionally 😔

So far I've suggested he book an appointment with citizens advice.

He's contacted mortgage lender to see if he can buy her out. He's contacted landlord asking if he can take over tenancy.

Deposit was his, from his late grandfather and us scraping together enough to help buy his first home or part home. Both have paid for half rent and half mortgage.
They have some furniture on credit.

I am sorry this has happened - it sounds too late to suggest relationship counselling as she thinks it is over but it they can't agree on figures I would suggest going to family mediation.

Hd also needs to speak to a family lawyer and to check if they bought as joint tenants or as tenants in common - that may affect the outcome . Joint tenants is a type of house ownership - nothing to do with the house bring a shared equity property .

Did they sign a deed of trust or cohabitation agreement to protect the deposit ? If they did or if she agrees how they deal with the deposit then it should be straightforward to sort out.

He needs to get 3 estate agents to say what they think is the realistic sale price ( rather than marketing price ) of the property is and to look at sold prices for the properties if there are a few similar properties.

As for the deposit , the key issue is whether he gets the deposit back and they then split the remaining equity they own 50/50 - or if you calculate the deposit percentage value at the time they bought the house and he gets that percentage of thd equity ( after deducting mortgage etc ) and then they split the remaining equity 50/50.

What did they agree when they bought the house and do the calculations make much difference ?

Will he want to stay at the property if they split up as too many memories etc ? If so he may be better saying it should be sold so the costs of sale ( estate agent etc are deducted and he doesn't risk the house actually being worth less than the price they agree on to calculate the equity) .

If he wants the house will he be able to afford the mortgage and rent with it being shared ownership?

As for the contents, second hand values are low so if they can't agree on values just agree a list of contents per room that they each keep - they can then sell them if they want.

Sorry he is shell shocked - this happened to a male family member who did not see it coming either and really struggled to come to terms with thd break up while his ex was steaming ahead with getting the property transferred to her.

Finally, when he is in a position to think about other matters he needs to sever the joint tenancy ( if there is one ) make a new Will and change life insurance nominations

Just seen contents bought on credit . Is the credit joint? If so, debt needs sorting out as part of their split. If it is debt in their sole names they will each own the household item their debt relates to . Needs sorting out so there are no ongoing financial ties.

@Herberty

Thank you so much for your reply.

It's raw and feels quick to him. Maybe she had decided in her head, it's over, so ahead in planning where she wants to be, do next etc. He's grieving the loss of their relationship and head in a whirl whilst she wants money ASAP. It takes time to sort and a breathing space.

I'll pass on your comments. I've suggested citizens advice to look at these points.

Not sure he can afford to buy her out but needs a home.

I’d be very cautious he isn’t left with a property he can’t manage. These shared ownership properties are more difficult to sell because of the restrictions imposed by the rental half. She needs to acknowledge this and be generous to him or they just sell and return his deposit and split the profit (or possibly debt if it’s a new build).

This is a worry. She wants half of assumed profit but they are difficult to sell. It's less than 5 years since purchasing and renting. There is some profit on the purchased side apparently, (how an estate agent works that out, who knows). I did say to him legal costs, would need to come out of any on paper profit and there is a cost to change tenant side and a cost from lender to change mortgage.

He's going as fast as possible. One estate agent gave figure yesterday and one doing so today, she advises.

@Stolenyouth makes a very valid point about the difficulties of selling on shared ownership properties . Could he downsize and use the deposit to rehouse?

The start point is to get mortgage advise and speak to the property solicitor who dealt with the house purchase or to look at the house purchase papers as the CAB or a family lawyer can't advise fully until they know if there is a cohabitation agreement , deed of trust or something on the property transfer form that says how they own the property and what happens with the deposit

Thanks I'll pass this on. It was keeping me awake with worry. It's only a 2 bed starter home so cannot downsize so may have to sell and neither will have much money after fees and he'll have no home. She's moved in with family currently. I imagine a solicitor's fees will eat the equity up quickly.

To be honest I'm more worried about his mental health. He seems broken. I've suggested he chats to his doctor.

I'm going through this at 40 and it's awful, but keep encouraging g him to look after his wellbeing.

It does get better day by day.

What is she asking for salary details for?. They are not married so she can't get any of his salary. They just need to sort out sharing the house?

Her financial advisor asked her to get them. She has no desire to take over the mortgage just wants him to buy her out so no idea why she thinks a financial advisor is needed. The existing lender is first part of call, it's complicated enough with tenancy as well without more fees to a financial advisor.

It’s sounding more and more like there will be no profit. A small new starter home on shared equity after five years.
Not that it should be viewed as a terrible purchase. They have avoided paying rent for those 5 years, just if she’s being simplistic and thinking the value has risen by 20k and she owns half of the owned half and will get 5k - unlikely! They may owe money overall after fees and estate agent costs.
It’s good he has your support as he will be reeling from the relationship loss and may not be inclined to protect his interests.

Wow - I think this needs slowing right down - he shouldn't do anything at all at the moment, she's clearly had time to think about this beforehand, and putting pressure on him to do anything right now is out of order.
Sorry to hear this has happened to your son.

He needs to tell her to slow down and not dance to her tune.

he should not be sending her his salary details/ it’s got nothing to do with her.

he can either look to buy her out of her share ( dependent on how deeds are held) in which case HE needs to deal with HIS advisor ( again nothing to do with her) to under what’s possible.

alternatively they can look to sell but when your son is ready and until then she can’t force him unless she wants to go to court to force a sale.

she needs to slow down and he needs to tell her to stop right now.

It’s simply too soon and he needs time ti get his head together

She has probably been building up to this for a while, and we all advise people to get their ducks in a row before making a move. So emotionally she’s ready to move on while he’s reeling in shock.

Personally I’d be advising him to just let her get on with what she wants and not engage with it until next week at the earliest (his salary is none of her business btw).

All you can do is be there for him. Be a shoulder for him to cry on, be his mum. He’s going to have to ride it out. If you can steer him towards “these things happen” and away from “what a bitch she is” it will probably be better for him in the long run.

FWIW it’s win win for him on the property - if it hasn’t appreciated in value then he may be able to afford to keep it himself; if it’s appreciated in value then he will have made a good start on property ownership. Round here shared ownership properties are like gold dust.

OP advise him to slow this process down. If she is in a hurry that's her problem. He doesn't to decide anything fast. If she wants to move out let her. Tell him to not be pressurised into rushing things.
I wouldn't buy her out if it's a property that is difficult to sell. Sell and try to recover his deposit and equity and find somewhere cheaper that he can afford alone

She can’t do anything without his consent. He needs to tell her to slow the he’ll down and he’ll deal with it on his timeline. Tell her it will be at least six months before he considers doing anything (provided of course that he can afford the place for 6 months).

On no account will he agree to buy her out, unless he wants to, if anything happens it will be to sell the property. And then he needs to get professional advice on how it should be treated (you said “partner” in the original post, so assume they are not married, in which case it’s not the principles of divorce that apply and there’d be no presumption of a 50:50 share).

I’m so sorry this is happening to your son. It sounds like right now his mental health is a big concern. I agree a conversation with the GP is a good start. If you feel able it would be good to speak to him about it and ask him if he is feeling suicidal. There is support for him. If he or you are worried about keeping himself safe then you can call 111 and choose option 2 to speak to your local crisis team. They’re available 24/7. And there’s also Samaritans and shout (a text equivalent) who provide listening support. There are other support options but these are a good place to start.

I would not commiting to anything yet or sending any financial information either. These properties are notoriously hard to sell. Does he want to buy it? What's her price? He needs more information and time before making life changing decisions. Hope he is OK (and you).

Thank you for the very kind and helpful replies.

I'm just trying to be there for him. Taking time to sort his feelings without be pushed to sort finances is wise. 😊

As people have mentioned it's difficult to sell these type of properties so if your DS was to sell she would have to wait, so tell your DS not to be bullied she can wait, hopefully he can claim his deposit back.
I think advice from a good solicitor would be worthwhile.
His health got to be his priority.

OP I am no expert in this but her demanding to be bought out by him is not necessarily something he has to obey to. Also I do not believe for a moment that she has any rights to demand money very quickly if indeed this has come out of nowhere. They bought together and he contributed more to deposit. He has the right to seek advice and shouldn't make decisions in a rush whilst under such pressure.
If this could become complicated and expensive he would be within his rights to say he couldn't buy her out and she can get her money after house is sold and all fees paid. There might not be much left in this scenario hence why she is pressuring him to give her money so then he has to deal with all the liability. Debt has to be shared too and he is under no obligation I believe to send her his financial information.
He needs to deal with this as if two separate matters, 1 being the sudden relationship breakdown, where he might need to take his time and perhaps get some support with, 2 the financials that needs a clear head approach not mixed in with the feelings. I know it is not easy.

2 more points to consider:

1. estate agents can give inflated estimates to get the listing
2. it sounds like she is sending agents and she communicates the estimates based on which she demands money? That sounds very wrong, he needs to get independent valuation if he were to agree to buy her out, someone like a bank appraiser as if it were to apply for a mortgage.

This all sounds very wrong and your son should be cautious.

Don't forget half of any profits has to be paid to the shared ownership company and you potentially need their permission to sell.