Divorce/settlement advice please.

[Foxylass]

Things are not looking good at all. I never thought this would happen to me, but then I went and instigated a divorce by saying, I am fed up of being subservient, neglected emotionally, restricted and belittled. Fed up of being shouted at too.

So.... what now? He says we can split things 50/50.
He is 'generously giving' me our business (holiday lets)- that is on its arse - and he's taking the house and investments.
That does make it about equally split... but the business was last valued a couple of years ago when it had reasonably good trading figures. Last year was bad, this is worse.... I need advice. I am waiting to hear back from my solicitor, but fretting.
Also, I'll have to remove a letting unit to live in....reducing any income.

I am not the main business side of things, he is. He says I'm an idiot, but I know I'm not, and I know I can do this.

We've been together for over 33 years, married for 29.
Kids grown and flown, all totally independent.
Everything is in his name, business, house, investments - everything except my car.
Although I am thinking I'll accept the almost 50/50 split, I wonder IF I'd be entitled to more, IF I pushed?
Baring in mind he's considerably older than me (drawing state pension), and I would be taking on a business that hardly covered its cost in the last 2 years (he propped it up with savings).

I am wondering this because, he is saying I'm not really even entitled to half of everything. He sees the business as his (even though we've worked equally together here forever). He wants me to feel grateful...which is making me suspicious.

I am not saying I will push for more, just checking how things stand legally.
50/50 seems fair.

Also, if we did make a mutual agreement, would the courts likely accept it?

I'm not sure of my exact question really... I am very daunted. I have been naive and 'looked after' by him since my late teens, when we met.

Any guidance please?

Probably need more information like amounts, equity etc, pensions etc...

50/50 is the starting point and would need to understand what that would mean to both. I would say the courts would accept a 50/50 if it looks like you can both be in a similar position after. Any more (like 60/40) could see it drag on, legal bills etc

Please get some legal advice before accepting any offers. Sorry to hear you are going through this.

It could well be that 50:50 is a fair outcome - but that doesn’t mean it’s divided as he is suggesting.

the fact he’s older and drawing a pension is more likely that you may be deemed in a better position if you can work and earn …. How much younger are you? Any pensions will need valuing and splitting

I would not just accept the holiday let business. If going for 50/50, ALL assets, including pensions to be valued and an equitable split. He wants you to have the business as he is cherry picking the best for himself. Please do not let him do this, and do not believe a word he says about what you are, or are not, entitled to. You need your own legal advice, not someone motivated to stitch you up!

Get a solicitor please!! They will tell you exactly what you are entitled to. That’s up to you or him to decide, get a solicitor and let them do their job.

Make sure all assets are declared, and he doesn’t get to dictate who has what. Get a good solicitor and don’t be bullied by your H.

50/50 might well be fair but every single asset and debt must be valued. If the business makes no money, what is its value? Do the rental properties have value? Do they need money spent on them so is it a poison chalice? What would the rental units be worth if sold?

Why did you not challenge things being in his name? That seems odd.

You must see a solicitor and get valuations for everything: pensions, savings, house, business, cars and anything else of great value. Don’t be pushed around and make sure everything is declared. Make sure he’s no savings squirrelled away you don’t know about. Controlling men often do this. Hide assets. A solicitor can guide you on this and get valuations.

Also do not accept living in a holiday rental unit. Make sure you know what property you could get for half the value of your existing home. Don’t let him have that if the business is on its knees and not very valuable. Make sure you know what value the house is and get 50% of that for another property. He’s not entitled to all of it.

Definitely see a good divorce solicitor though because with a business it’s more complicated in terms of value of assets.

Thank you all, so far.

I do have a solicitor. One that specialises in divorce and associated family businesses. I am waiting to hear back. But was just worrying and so asked here.

To answer questions asked

• I occasionally questioned why nothing was in my name and was told it was better financially. Also, I never imagined we'd split, so was naive and didn't worry.
• the business and house were valued 2 years ago. They are the values we are using. The value of the investments are on paper, so clear, and include his pensions and my ISA.
• 20 yrs age difference.
• the holiday lets do need some work, not much, but mostly there are not many bookings around at the moment. I have contact with many other owners in England and it's a slow year, again. Two could be used residentially (I'd have one of these) leaving 2 with holiday restriction.

It doesn’t matter that they’re in his name

if you’re 20 years younger he’ll have a case to at least equal assets as you’re able to work to rebuild some assets, save for a pension, turn the business round etc. if he’s already at retirement age that’s not the case.

so 50:50 might be appropriate but I expect his solicitor will put forward a case to argue he should have a higher share, yours will have to lay the case for why that isn’t appropriate

I would also get an up to date valuation of the business, a lot can change in 2 years

Why are you using 2 year old valuations when you know that the business is on its arse. Start by sorting that out. Well done for getting a solicitor. Don’t settle for what he’s offering, get the best deal for yourself without spending thousands on legal fees.

My solicitor has already estimated £8k to £12k fees ...

Yep I payed 11k but it was 100% worth it, I had nothing to worry about and they did everything. I was informed so well through the whole process.

If the business is on its arse don’t accept that in exchange for the house.

A 12k investment in a good solicitor could still be better off than agreeing what he’s offered without good legal advice and understanding what assets he has even if they aren’t in your name.

Don’t forget that even investments not in your name, plus his pensions etc still go into the marital pot to be decided.

He is making an offer. You don’t need to accept it or even consider it.

From what you have posted it sounds like you are in the early stages of divorce. My advice would be to do some research about the process to get a better understanding of how it works. This will help you with instructions to your solicitor. For example, it might not even be worth asking your solicitor to do anything right now. You could just reply to his proposal stating that you have received it. Then state you wish to commence mediation and as part of that you can further discuss his offer. However state that you are not in position to accept an offer until

1. there has been full disclosure of all personal, business and marital assets
2. all assets have been appropriately valued
3. you have taken expert advice.

The valuation of assets will be a point of negotiation. Especially with a property business where simply using profit and loss might not take into account the value of assets owned by the business. If you don’t know anything about this then you will need to factor in the cost of an accountant to advise you and undertake valuations. This will add to the cost of the divorce.

The fact that he is in receipt of state pension means he has a fixed income and cannot be expected to work. This make him the weaker party. If you are of working age and fit to work then you will be expected to work.

What age are you and what type of work could you do ?

@LemonTT thank you.
I am 50.
I've been in hospitality all my life so could do most things related to that.
And anything like shop work, cleaning, customer services....

Hospitality lends itself to being able to run holiday lets successfully . Not saying you just accept that of course but at 50 you have 15 years to work vs him already in retirement. You are in the weaker negotiating position

If he’s getting state pension, is he drawing down on a private pension or taken an annuity? He might already be spending the pension savings? What money are you living on?

I would get a solicitor because there’s a business involved. It’s not a simple mediation case. The solicitor will have access to accountants and do not use 2 year old valuations! There are 5 properties here and only 1 is a home. The one he wants. I would not accept the business as being an acceptable compromise unless the capital asset was very good because of the effort needed to realise the capital. Don’t let him push you around. You also are not obliged to stay running that business. It’s half his so not just your problem.

@TizerorFizz He is getting state pension. Not touched private ones. I think also using savings.
I am currently using my ISA money, although I have been handed responsibility for the business bank accounts (still in his name, actually one is joint names, but I don't remember ever co signing or anything, thats not to say I didn't though) so I guess I could take a wage (?) from there?
I am managing all bookings, changeovers etc....as I usually would but need to learn the bank and accounting side of things.

When I divorced my exh we had a house, investments, a caravan and a house almost mortgage free as well as 3 DC and 19, 17 and 8. Judge ordered business to be properly valued as going concern. We owned equal shares in business. Exh offered me all of house and he wanted to keep business. I was going to accept but my solicitor suggested having business valued. Exh tried to refuse. That is when I fully realised business was worth so much more than house. I offered exh 50/50 of all assets, house and business and pension share. He refused arguing he relied on our business for his work whereas I was a school teacher but also did admin for business too so wages, VAT, banking, invoices, accounts and quotes etc evenings and weekends. Judge got angry he refused to have business valued properly and ordered it's valuation then either it to be sold and money to be split 50/50 or exh had to buy me out at full market value. As exh had previously refused 50/50 on house Judge awarded me 55 percent and exh 45 Percent. Judge told exh off for failing to turn up at court on 2 separate occasions wasting everyone's time and for refusing my reasonable sharing suggestions. Judge told exh most men would snap their wife's hand off for such a reasonable and fair offer. We pension shared. We were married for 22 years and I both worked full time throughout except I had 3 mat leaves of 4 years off with first 2dc and 1 year off with third DC. Caravan sold and money shared. Exh ordered to pay cost of divorce too and some of my legal cost because the judge said his failure to show up at the court twice for no good reason provided, had made my expenses unnecessarily a lot higher. Don't take your stbx word. Insist the business and house are both valued properly and share cost of these valuations. You can insist all assets are sold and shared equally, and insist on pension sharing. As your DC are adults now 50/50 is a fair and reasonable split of assets but don't let him dictate which 50 percent you get.

You need the business valuing now ... not two years ago.

I agree with others, don't use valuations based on 2 years ago. The valuations for the business and house needs to be current. You could be doing yourself out of extra money within your settlement. At this stage don't agree to anything, especially as you don't have up to date valuations. All assets have to be included, regardless if they're in his sole name or not. Yes 50:50 is probably going to be fair, but not necessarily with the assets he suggests! You need to remember he is only looking after himself, if he can shaft you in the process, he won't be bothered.

The reality is he is a pensioner and you have another 17 years until retirement age to work and build up a pension therefore I’d doubt you’d get more than 50/50 TBH

@hedgingmybets25The issue is 50% of what? If he’s not touched the private pensions, (? so he says) but is drawing down marital savings, he’s already getting a better deal from assets.

Op must find out valuations for everything - she might have better earning power but he’s not being honest about valuations or what’s already being spent. Often men hide assets. They have other business interests the wife doesn’t know about. Ditto savings accounts. Once everything is known about, then a sensible settlement can be reached. A long marriage also
matters a lot and the opportunities the op has had to have a separate career.

Do NOT do
this. Have everything independently valued now and make sure uou
get equal 50/50 share of everything- don’t put your eggs in one risky basket to prove a point.