Divorce/settlement advice please.

[Foxylass]

Things are not looking good at all. I never thought this would happen to me, but then I went and instigated a divorce by saying, I am fed up of being subservient, neglected emotionally, restricted and belittled. Fed up of being shouted at too.

So.... what now? He says we can split things 50/50.
He is 'generously giving' me our business (holiday lets)- that is on its arse - and he's taking the house and investments.
That does make it about equally split... but the business was last valued a couple of years ago when it had reasonably good trading figures. Last year was bad, this is worse.... I need advice. I am waiting to hear back from my solicitor, but fretting.
Also, I'll have to remove a letting unit to live in....reducing any income.

I am not the main business side of things, he is. He says I'm an idiot, but I know I'm not, and I know I can do this.

We've been together for over 33 years, married for 29.
Kids grown and flown, all totally independent.
Everything is in his name, business, house, investments - everything except my car.
Although I am thinking I'll accept the almost 50/50 split, I wonder IF I'd be entitled to more, IF I pushed?
Baring in mind he's considerably older than me (drawing state pension), and I would be taking on a business that hardly covered its cost in the last 2 years (he propped it up with savings).

I am wondering this because, he is saying I'm not really even entitled to half of everything. He sees the business as his (even though we've worked equally together here forever). He wants me to feel grateful...which is making me suspicious.

I am not saying I will push for more, just checking how things stand legally.
50/50 seems fair.

Also, if we did make a mutual agreement, would the courts likely accept it?

I'm not sure of my exact question really... I am very daunted. I have been naive and 'looked after' by him since my late teens, when we met.

Any guidance please?

OP he’s been running the show since you were what? 19 and 39. The marriage is over so it’s time to stand up to him and get a fair deal. What are you now? 52 and 72?
I can see why he’s tired of the letting business at his age but you don’t have to assume that has to be your job forever. What is the value if it’s sold vs the value of the house and other assets? If he thinks it’s 50:50 call his bluff and say you’ll take the different half! You have raised children and tolerated his controlling behaviour and worked in your business. It’s not all up to him.
But really, spend the money on the lawyer. Sounds like you need to.

@Stolenyouth He does not do much with the business in recent years, he has a new hobby since he started drawing his pension, that's when he wanted less work.
So he still does the accounting and our son came to help with heavy gardening and maintenance.
I have always done all of the cleaning and 95% of bookings admin and guest interaction. I do gardening.

He was supposed to let me and our son run the whole thing, but was micro managing everything - very frustrating.

I did suggest I took the different half and he insisted he'd need the business AND the house in that scenario so I would get some money...and a lesser amount than he'd have got in the original plan.

So if you ran the bookings and guest interaction you’re perfectly placed to run it - now without his micro managing! It could be a great opportunity for you and you get the opportunity to make it a success!

you may still need a share of other assets - we don’t know that here and a solicitor will guide you on that - but I wouldn’t automatically dismiss the idea.

I think you’re still most likely looking at a 50:50 or near there split overall based on your ages and length of marriage, and presumably no minor children

Well OP his response to him having the business tells you everything. He is trying to shaft you. Thus man does not have your interests in mind!

@Foxylass What is “a different half”? Half of what if he wants the business and the house? You must see a decent divorce solicitor. He will sell the business if he doesn’t want to run it or get an agency in. If you don’t want it either, get it valued and into the marital finances pot. I agree it could be an opportunity but you have to want it. Not be forced to have it so he just offloads a not great business and walks away.

Hilarious that the ‘equal halves’ change if it’s not the half he actually wants! The only difference is you’re young enough to carry on working but that doesn’t have to be your job.

Playing devils advocate it might simply be that due to his age he realises he’s not in a position to run the business anymore while op could make it a success. But yes she’d have to want to do it

like everything, it’s a negotiation.
he can make an offer
op can accept , reject or counter propose

if it gets to court a 50:50 or very near is likely overall

@millymollymoomoo They might not need court but the solicitor must ensure all assets are accounted for. Dd is a family barrister and hiding assets is not unusual (sometimes substantial £££ assets!). Men are the usual culprits. The op must be sure that 50% of everything is what she aims for. Not what he offers up. How was a private pension paid for? Out of business profits? Just for him? What about any work pension he’s got? Everything needs to be uncovered and on the table for division. I would not accept any offer, or make a counter offer, without clarity on what’s available.

@TizerorFizz i never said otherwise

i have stated

pensions and assets need valuing
that all assets regardless of whose name is on it is in the pot for division
that based on op age vs her ex she may be in the weaker position to claim higher assets %
that while 50:50 is probably appropriate it doesn’t have to be this split

but also
that it might actually be something op could consider running and making a success based on her background and experience ( but will need to want to do so )

@millymollymoomoo My note was really saying the op must know what the full assets are. Not saying that you are incorrect. The DH might be open and honest but might not be. The op should not negotiate on 50% of the 75% that’s declared (if he’s hiding assets).