Living separately in expensive area

[lolsoexpensive]

Hello 👋

I was wondering if anyone has any experience or knowledge that might help.

I am separating from my partner pretty amicably, all things considered.

We have a 6 year old who we will look after 50/50. We rent in an expensive city. Our tiny 3 bed house is £2k pcm, a 2 bed flat or house is on average around £1.7k. A 1 bed isn't much cheaper tbh.. £1.4k.

Unfortunately, both of us have very minimal savings (hundreds rather than thousands). I have recently become a good earner (£85k) and am focussing on paying off ~£25k of debt. My ex earns around £30k.

We can't realistically afford to rent two separate flats but also both want to move on with our lives. I grew up in this city, and with family, jobs and school here we don't want to move.

I am encouraging my ex to look into council housing or affordable housing schemes. I think he is likely to be eligible for something, but how do we get him "up the list" as it were whilst he is still able to sleep here (in box room) and on friends/family's sofas? What is the right tact to take with the housing officers etc?

I will also downsize to a private rent 2 bed flat, but we have a few months left on the lease here.

Neither of us have any experience of this so would appreciate any help!

Thanks

Single man in full employment in perfectly good health and no fear of domestic violence - will be at the bottom of the list for council housing, and I hope you’ll agree - that’s correct and proper!

Affordable housing schemes will depend on the job he is in and the specific parameters of each scheme, so worth exploring.

Yes of course, but he doesn't earn enough to rent even a studio flat so what can he do 😭

For £30k salary, £1k a month rent is considered affordable.

He might be at the bottom of the list for housing. But if you earn too much for child benefit it makes a lot of sense to put all that in his name so he can claim UC and child benefit, then even though he will likely end up in private renting he will get some help towards rent if your child is on his claim.

Check out the LHA for a 2 bed in your area and look at entitled to to work out what he’d be eligible for

I agree
but there are many more in much more need than him

so I’m managing your expectations… he will be at the bottom of the list and probably languish there

Good shout. CB could go to him.

Better yet

suggest he do this

Ooh yes thank you, good idea. Will get him to look at the impact of UC & child benefit on his cashflow.

Are you married?

OP, he won't get a council flat.

I think you should look into nesting, where the child stays in the same 2 bed home and a separate studio or one-bed is rented very close to the main home. The adults swap over at agreed intervals.

I grew up in this city, and with family, jobs and school here we don't want to move.

You might have to. Just because you grow up in a certain place, doesn't mean you will be able to afford to stay there.

You don’t have a right to live somewhere because you were born there. You can’t afford to live there, you have big debts and now you and your baby’s father have to run two separate homes. I think you should both move further out from your jobs and live somewhere more affordable. You need to relieve some of the pressure.

You might have to love somewhere cheaper. Might be better for your child long term as you will be able to afford a better quality of life.

It’s all well and good saying move area but if op ( and ex) jobs are there it might not be that simple. Or could mean much longer commute adding challenges re childcare etc.

there’s no easy answers. Op what does your ex do? 30k is not a high wage- does he have any likely way to increase that with promotion or more hours ? He should claim
cb and uc if he can

The only reason he’s been able to live in the area is because of you OP

Moving to somewhere cheaper isn't the perfect solution it's cracked up to be, nowhere has OP said her job is remotely portable or that she'd be able to earn this salary anywhere else. Most people can't magically just move all over the place and keep their jobs. And without a support network, single parenting is frankly shit. It can be made a lot easier with the support of living where you know people.

OP your ex DP could also look at housing associations and potentially just renting a room in the meantime to get his own space. Some HAs require you to be on the council list but have different allocation criteria to the Local Authority, for example there was one in our old area that prioritised keyworkers. Once your ex is on the council list, he can apply for HAs separately IYSWIM.

Thank you all, moving away is really not an option. I have an older mum here who I help a lot and we are just so settled here. The only other place in UK I could do this job is probably London!

Will look into nesting option.

We aren’t married, no.

Yes but we aren’t talking about you. You earn a salary that does allow you to remain in the city.

your ex… I’d doubt a £30k a year job is exclusively city based

He rents a room and visits your shared child at your place?

If you’re not married, his housing arrangement is none of your concern which is a fantastic move on your part. The lower earner in a marriage is more protected than someone who isn’t married.

All that should concern you is where your child will be 50% of the time and accept that if they’re going to be with their dad, it’s likely in a house share, or a location further away where he can afford his own place.

@Andthedoor so what are you suggesting? That op ex just huggers off? His child lives in the city and will be staying there so of course they need to discuss and agree together

Yes but he can’t just stamp his feet and say to the council “I wanna live in the city so gimme a house”

He isn’t though, OP said she’s suggesting he look at council housing, he’s not exactly stomping his feet. And once he’s looked at benefit options he might be able to private rent anyway. Nothing wrong with looking at all the options.

utter waste of time… an employed single man in good health and no concern about his safety whatsoever looking at getting on a council housing list.

A £30k job wont be specific to this city.

if he had not met you op, he’d be living in a house share or would have had to have moved out of the city.

i think the former would be best so then he can be close to his daughter. He won’t be able to have her overnight I. The short term but then he has to either upskill or move out of the city centre