Dealing with the "Disney dad"

Theunamedcat · 09/05/2025 14:44

Can he not do the school run? A few vaccination trips a dentist or two?

DeskJotter · 09/05/2025 14:50

Kids really want you to spend time with them and play with them. Maybe listen and take it on board as a sign to play more? I find the "Disney Dad" motif offensive and puerile (I am a Mum, btw, not a Dad).

DeskJotter · 09/05/2025 14:51

(I play with my kids, as well as living with them and doing normal life admin things. They think I am more fun than their Dad, because I am a fun person to be around)

Original poster

Fuzzypinetree · 09/05/2025 17:01

Theunamedcat · 09/05/2025 14:44

Can he not do the school run? A few vaccination trips a dentist or two?

Nope. He's relying on public transport and that can be tricky around where we are. He'll have to do it once I'm back at work and I've suggested to get an Uber or a taxi but not sure he'll go for it. He struggles to get DC to school or anywhere, really, and calls me to sort it out. He struggles to do appointments because he doesn't speak the language...

OP posts:

Original poster

Fuzzypinetree · 09/05/2025 17:18

DeskJotter · 09/05/2025 14:50

Kids really want you to spend time with them and play with them. Maybe listen and take it on board as a sign to play more? I find the "Disney Dad" motif offensive and puerile (I am a Mum, btw, not a Dad).

That's nice.
I do spend time with them. We play football in the garden (with DC2 on my back...also did that when I was heavily pregnant), we go cycling, swimming, diving, to the playground, on the trampoline, cook and bake together, etc. We've set up the pool (but waiting for it to get a little warmer), we hang out in the hot tub and I'm the one organising any time with friends, family and any playdates. We go on trips and have days out.
It's whenever I make DC1 do stuff he doesn't want to do, that I get the comments. They hurt and they aren't fair. Yes, I expect my child to go to school and to get there on time. Yes, I expect my child to do homework and practise reading.

You can feel what you want about the Disney dad comment. Fact is, ex does nothing but do arts and crafts with DC, or parks him in front of YouTube (which I don't allow). He takes him to the cinema. It's easy to be the amazing parent when you don't actually have to do any of the tedious stuff. It's also easier when you don't have to organise a 9-month-old and a 9-year-old at the same time. They have slightly different interests...

OP posts:

LM10000 · 09/05/2025 17:29

Fuzzypinetree · 09/05/2025 10:41

Just pissed off, I guess...but how do I deal with the comments of,
"Daddy is nicer...", "Daddy plays with me..." apart from just trying to breathe through it?
Ex left a few days before DC2 was born and hasn't been involved with her at all since then. He's seeing DC1 regularly EOW. He had an affair while I was pregnant and is now living with this OW, playing happy families. DC1 doesn't know about this, thinks dad lives in the flat he's rented and at his age wouldn't notice. He's been introduced to OW and has spent the night there. (I don't get told this, I just happen to find out whe DC1 chats about the weekend.)
Yes, ex plays more...because there's only DC1 there. (We do play as well but I've also got a little person at home. ) Yes, he doesn't get stressed so much because I do all the school runs, all the life admin, absolutely everything (with both kids).

It's easy to be the fun dad when your only around half the time and don't have to deal with the day to day stresses/responsibility of bringing up children.

Try not to let it get you down.

(Sending virtual hugs)

thismummydrinksgin · 09/05/2025 17:43

Right why isn’t the baby going too? Sort that out , or baby goes at a different time to give you some time with older child. Try and get dad doing some of the crap? No advice just sympathy.

Original poster

Fuzzypinetree · 09/05/2025 17:48

thismummydrinksgin · 09/05/2025 17:43

Right why isn’t the baby going too? Sort that out , or baby goes at a different time to give you some time with older child. Try and get dad doing some of the crap? No advice just sympathy.

He has no relationship with the baby at all. He left shortly before the birth and has never been by himself with the baby. Last time he saw DC2 was in the autumn. His family have shown no interest in the little one, either.

OP posts:

CurlyhairedAssassin · 09/05/2025 17:52

DeskJotter · 09/05/2025 14:51

(I play with my kids, as well as living with them and doing normal life admin things. They think I am more fun than their Dad, because I am a fun person to be around)

That's very unfair to OP, and you haven't said it in a very nice way either. Dad JUST has to play when he has his child, because he has much more time when he DOESN'T have her there to do all the boring stuff. OP has her hands full if the kids are there most of the time.

OP, I hope he's paying his fair share of maintenance. If he's paying for a flat but also living with the OW then potentially she is expecting some kind of contribution towards her place.

Original poster

Fuzzypinetree · 09/05/2025 17:58

CurlyhairedAssassin · 09/05/2025 17:52

That's very unfair to OP, and you haven't said it in a very nice way either. Dad JUST has to play when he has his child, because he has much more time when he DOESN'T have her there to do all the boring stuff. OP has her hands full if the kids are there most of the time.

OP, I hope he's paying his fair share of maintenance. If he's paying for a flat but also living with the OW then potentially she is expecting some kind of contribution towards her place.

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Funny that...he's currently not paying any maintenance.

OP posts:

ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/05/2025 18:01

Claim maintenance and tell him it’s time to start taking both DC, they need to start building a bond, he can’t not see one when they’re growing up

CurlyhairedAssassin · 09/05/2025 18:01

Fuzzypinetree · 09/05/2025 17:48

He has no relationship with the baby at all. He left shortly before the birth and has never been by himself with the baby. Last time he saw DC2 was in the autumn. His family have shown no interest in the little one, either.

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How's that going to pan out once she's older? Will she be ignored then too, in favour of her older sibling? That will cause all sorts of emotional damage.

What a prick he is.

And not even paying any money towards them...

Greenfields20 · 09/05/2025 18:02

Fuzzypinetree · 09/05/2025 17:58

Funny that...he's currently not paying any maintenance.

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Dont drip feed, why is he not paying maintenance?

Original poster

Fuzzypinetree · 09/05/2025 18:15

Greenfields20 · 09/05/2025 18:02

Dont drip feed, why is he not paying maintenance?

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He says he doesn't have enough money...
My solicitor is already on the case. I'm currently keeping my feet still until the house has been signed over to me (and he's getting a rather large amount of money from me so won't be able to claim poverty). He'll have to pay it all eventually because it's based on his income and it'll be done through the court. They'll dock his pay, if necessary (we aren't in the UK). It just all takes time.

I'm also not pushing the contact with DC2. I don't want to send her to someone, who doesn't want to see her and has abandoned her before she was even born. She deserves better.
I'm still hoping ex will move back to the UK. He can take the ow with him, for all I care.

OP posts:

Greenfields20 · 09/05/2025 18:17

Ah, where are you based?

Theunamedcat · 09/05/2025 18:36

At nine they are old enough to understand words hurt

I remember my son throwing those words at me and I replied arnt you lucky you have your dad to play games with and your mom to care for you and make sure you grow up properly so you can have a family of your own and don't end up in my spare bedroom for the rest of his life

HappyToSmile · 09/05/2025 20:10

I get it, I really do. All I can say is that in time, they realise who's the safe, reliable one.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 09/05/2025 20:21

DeskJotter · 09/05/2025 14:50

Kids really want you to spend time with them and play with them. Maybe listen and take it on board as a sign to play more? I find the "Disney Dad" motif offensive and puerile (I am a Mum, btw, not a Dad).

Don't be daft, we all know what "Disney Dad" means.

It's easy to be the fun parents when you don't deal with things you should be doing! Homework, laundry, school admin, healthy meals, healthy and reasonable routine and sleep, limited screen time.

"Disney dad" (or "disney mum" if you want) are just selfish and lazy parents who don't care about the health and well being of their kids.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 09/05/2025 20:25

Fuzzypinetree
if it makes you feel better... of course it's worst when you are separated, but it's quite common for children to have a favourite parent which varies by the hour.

We all have a favourite child which is the least annoying one at the time 😂

TheSandgroper · 10/05/2025 03:16

A mate had “dad plays with us” thrown at her after a dad week. She asked “who cooked dinner every night? Who washed your clothes? Who packed your suitcase? Etc” Mr 9yo said “grandma”.

So, she asked “where is grandma to do all that in my house?” Mr 9yo said “Err”. He got the point.

At 9 years old, your dc is certainly old enough to be told some facts of life and if your don’t tell him, no one else will.

DeskJotter · 10/05/2025 05:25

There's some real bitterness in some of these posts. You could be happy that your child has a good relationship with his dad. If he was saying to his Dad that Mummy is nicer, I don't think we would appreciate the Dad tearing the Mum down or listing reasons why it's so much easier for Mum to be nice. That would be unkind, and damaging to the child.

usererror57 · 10/05/2025 06:19

Rightly or wrongly my 9 year old knows exactly why my ex husband left. (Also related to having a new baby) your child is old enough for a few home truths and I’d be telling them.

BlondiePortz · 10/05/2025 06:23

DeskJotter · 10/05/2025 05:25

There's some real bitterness in some of these posts. You could be happy that your child has a good relationship with his dad. If he was saying to his Dad that Mummy is nicer, I don't think we would appreciate the Dad tearing the Mum down or listing reasons why it's so much easier for Mum to be nice. That would be unkind, and damaging to the child.

Yes the idea that the most important thing to ypu op is you want your children to know the man you decided to have children with is terrible

I would want my child to have great relationship with their father not the other wa around, competing with this man is more important than the well-being of your children?

You chose him as their father so do what is best for them not you

Original poster

Fuzzypinetree · 10/05/2025 06:49

DeskJotter · 10/05/2025 05:25

There's some real bitterness in some of these posts. You could be happy that your child has a good relationship with his dad. If he was saying to his Dad that Mummy is nicer, I don't think we would appreciate the Dad tearing the Mum down or listing reasons why it's so much easier for Mum to be nice. That would be unkind, and damaging to the child.

I'm sorry. Bitterness? Yeah, I would love for the fucking prick to be run over by a bloody bus. Bitterness, my arse. What kind of man, husband and father leaves his family to go and fuck his colleague? Days before his second child is born? He didn't even contact DC1 for weeks and there wouldn't have been any contact, had I not initiated it. He just walked out without any care for his responsibilities. I have every right to be bitter.
I'm the one facilitating contact between the two. I haven't told my child that his father is a cheating, lying arsehole, who prioritises going to parties and on holidays over spending time with him. I'm the one telling him how lovely it'll be when he's there, especially when he doesn't want to go or is calling because he wants to come home.

But yeah, let's big dad up because he's so wonderful and plays with him when he sees him twice a month.

I'm pretty sure he's saying "Mummy is nicer..." to him as well. I haven't asked about how my ex can deal with that, though, because I don't care. Ex's needs and wants are no longer my concern. I know that my DC will say things to hurt me because he's hurt. It's a question of how I can deal with that and your comments are completely unhelpful.

Lovely, if your ex has a wonderful relationship with you. Congratulations on being so superior.

We'd been together for over 20 years. The guy currently hanging out with my child is not the man I married. Far from it.

OP posts:

cherrymaoam · 10/05/2025 06:52

DeskJotter · 09/05/2025 14:50

Kids really want you to spend time with them and play with them. Maybe listen and take it on board as a sign to play more? I find the "Disney Dad" motif offensive and puerile (I am a Mum, btw, not a Dad).

How patronising can you get!! I’m pretty sure OP knows what her kids want since she’s raising them virtually single-handed. But sure, take the side of the deadbeat who left his heavily pregnant wife and child for another woman.