Positive stories of being alone at 63

[Movingonat63]

Tell me your positive stories of being alone in your 60s. I didn’t expect to be here, selling my family home and looking at flats and recovering from Dh leaving at our age but here I am and I need to make the most of my life. I’m in good health and can afford a nice flat and have a private pension so lucky. However I’ve never lived alone in my life and feel scared about the future. Give me some uplifting stories

Thank you. I did think of getting a weekend job. My weekday day times are really busy with activities but I did wonder if I could get a weekend job as that is when I am quiet. I can manage on the money I have but nothing left for holidays/expensive nights out/theatre trips etc so a bit of money coming in for luxuries would be good. I have always done an office based job so not sure what I could do. A lot of weekend jobs are done by students.

Hi, I’m in your exact situation but a couple of years older.

My ex also lives in our old marital home with his girlfriend (who was a mutual acquaintance before also going through a divorce and she and I became very close (so I thought) and exchanged confidences and condolences) My child and their partner also play happy families together. I also ended up accepting less money than fair in the divorce simply to get away from him.

I am currently renting while looking for a permanent home, closer to my child.

I find reframing things helps. I left my ex because he was a manipulator and a lier. He was always looking for the next thing to make him happy - but was never satisfied with his life even when he seemed to have everything.

He will never change and I console myself with the thought that he will inevitably find fault and be dissatisfied with his new relationship and situation. He is also still grossly angry that after a 30yr marriage the Law should even dare to think that I deserve 50% of our assets. I’ve ended up with less but it’s enough for me.

He looks as if he has everything, but I know him so well - I know that having everything still won’t be enough for him.

Even after 3 years, I still awake each morning (on my own) and bless the fact that I am free of him.

I have taken this opportunity to assess myself and discover what this new me wants from life and what will make me happy. Knowing this, I am forging a new life and lifestyle to take these things on board.

I have had therapy and been reading widely. I now know all about Radical Acceptance, Ikegai, ACT Theory, Let Them, and so many more. I pick and choose anything I think will help me from each of them. I have reached out to other organisations for help and support; The Freedom Programme, Fear Free, Mind etc.

Counting my blessings and relishing my new found freedom everyday helps me so much.

I am still trying to work out the proportion of social activity/engagement, meaning and purpose and peace and calm I need to be content. I have found the phrase Stay busy, be Useful very apt.

So in summary, regarding your ex - things aren’t always as rosy as they seem.
re being single - by knowing yourself, you can build the life you need and want to make you content/happy.

For the first time in a long time - your life is now your own to control - that is a blessing indeed.

Sorry you are also going through this but I’m in awe of your positive attitude. I’m trying to have the same mindset which is why I posted asking for positive stories so really appreciate your reply.

Have a year of saying yes to every invitation you get. My mum did that when she was widowed and it really helped. So often people will invite you to something and you might feel a bit reluctant to do it for whatever reason, but if you turn offers down they may not come again. All too easy for people to think you aren't interested and with busy lives people can move on.

Have you thought about taking in students, home stays, theatre digs, that sort of thing?
Extra money and a bit of short term company / a purpose. Tax free up to £7500 pa.

I chose to divorce at 54, this was coming up 3 years ago. I bought my own place a year later and I have grown to liking being alone. I have grown up children and grandchildren, so not entirely alone. I had been alone in my marriage with someone who I really came to dislike so my situation is far better. I didn't leave hoping someone else comes along, I really don't see thst being something I want. I'm moving through life with an open mind and continue to try doing little things differently. Met new people, 1 friend being a pillar of support. I like not having to be considerate of my ex husband's constant moods which appeared all through our 34 years together. I have much less drama and this curbs my previously high tension and anxiety. I decided that if I was lucky, I might have 20 years left to control and enjoy my life and not live it through someone else.

Despite me coming up to 3rd year separated, it still feels quite a new thing. I have started calling myself single, as opposed to "I'm divorced now".

Financially I will be compromised in retirement but for now, that's worth the sacrifice.

Good luck and seek personal opportunities that you can enjoy. This could be absolutely anything minute thst gives you satisfaction.

Blimey, I relate to your post.

I'm trying to find the new me, it's quite a nice experience. I'm doing it unapologetically.

Have fun and enjoy your life.

Thank you for your positive post

I have been divorced for sometime, I’m 60. I love my life. I’m free to do what I want, holiday where I want with whom I choose. I am in charge of my own finances and my own life, hobbies and friendships. I don’t have to compromise for some low energy man who brings less to the relationship than I do …

Could you get a job a couple off days a week if you need money to top up your pension?

After a breakup I believe you need to rediscover yourself, what you like doing. Also to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

Do something for your physical body. Pilates, gym, hill walking…all 3!
Do something to keep your brain alive. Learn a language, take a course in whatever, join a book club.

Do something to feed your soul. Choir, walking in nature, helping others
Then something to build new friendships. All of the above should help!

Best of luck. I live alone & love it. When people ask me am I lonely I say there any amount of company outside my front door, my home is my sanctuary.

Thank you, just what I need to hear

Thank you. I do a lot of the things you mention already, mainly daytime and weekdays which is why I wondered if I could get a weekend job. More than anything I struggle with being alone in the house at night but I’ll get used to it

Do some of the day stuff in the evening? These bright evenings even a long walk with friend? No need to be alone if you don’t want to be?

I went for a lovely evening walk yesterday. On my own but still very nice.