Positive stories of being alone at 63

[Movingonat63]

Tell me your positive stories of being alone in your 60s. I didn’t expect to be here, selling my family home and looking at flats and recovering from Dh leaving at our age but here I am and I need to make the most of my life. I’m in good health and can afford a nice flat and have a private pension so lucky. However I’ve never lived alone in my life and feel scared about the future. Give me some uplifting stories

No advice but just wanted to wish you well. Good health and finances in order is worth a great deal. Is there something you’ve always wanted to do or try but your partner disapproved/got in the way? Time to do it. Time to find who you are as a mature adult woman. My DH was seriously ill a couple of years ago and in hospital for a few months. It was the first time I’d really ‘lived alone’ except for student digs decades earlier. I spent the first few weeks wandering about asking myself questions like ‘where even IS the stop cock?’ ‘Are we insured?’ DH had organised everything. Now I organise everything. It’s been quite a journey but I’m glad I did it. Good luck!

Thank you and sorry to hear about your husband. I’m good with home admin but useless at practical things and no idea where the stop cock is but that made me laugh. Yes very grateful for health and money. I’ll have to keep back a bit from house sale to top up pension until I get my state pension but doable. First thing I did was get a cleaner. That would have annoyed him lol

Not exactly the same but my dad died recently and my mam has filled her life with new groups, new people, routine that suits her and surrounded herself with people who love her.

Just a suggestion...but what about a flat in an over 55yrs or retirement village type place.

You'd have your own home but the security of others nearby

It's not as scary as it might feel right now, I was widowed in my late 50s and am still living without another adult in the house at 62 (I foster so I do have a small child living with me). You Tube has been a great friend when figuring out how to do the jobs that DH would've done!

Is there anything in particular that scares you about the future living alone?

It's an adjustment but can be wonderful.

That’s so lovely. I’m trying. I keep myself busy in the day and have lots of friends and hobbies but it’s the evenings I struggle. Cooking for one then sitting on the sofa alone with nobody to share your day with. I guess I’ll get used to it.

I'm 63 living on my own after leaving a relationship didn't think I'd be here either ... I'm happier now ...bonus ...made new friends/social life......indulging my self care and having a peaceful settled time.....yeah there are some lonely bits but they pass .... I'm making plans for a solo holiday as a bit of an adventure...joined a gym ( never thought I'd ever fancy that ) life is good. Hugs

Maybe explore different evening routines so the change doesn't feel so stark or empty?

There are groups that happen in the evening (offline and online), you could try something creative each evening like creative journaling/scrapbooking to express and reflect on your day, creating a new evening habit away from the sofa, etc.

Some of those feelings in the evening are grief for the relationship. It won't always feel that way to live alone.

Sorry to hear you are widowed but good it is working out ok for you. I will have to get used to doing things on my own so good shout about YouTube

At 51 I know I’m not the age group you’re asking about, but I’ve been happily single for 11 years now & wanted to respond to a couple of your comments.

I bought a couple of recipe books & challenged myself to try out a new recipe every weekend. I cook the full amount & freeze portions so I always have a choice of home cooked ready meals & also a decent repertoire when cooking for friends.

I go out 2 evenings a week to classes (yoga & Italian), & I adopted a cat from a local rescue who’s great company. My neighbour & I look after each other’s cats when needed.

Does any of that sound helpful?

I've been widowed 20 years now and lived alone since my son left home 9 years ago.

I was dreading living alone as he was moving to another city and I don't have any other relatives in regular touch.

But I have to say I'm quite happy living alone now.

I enjoy doing what I like when I like. And eating what I want when I want.
It helps that I quite like my own company.

I think.you are right the evenings, especially in winter, can be a bit long. But I do knitting and jigsaws whilst listening to audio books or the radio and that occupies the time nicely.

I’m an old hand at living alone and only a bit older than you. Things I like:
Everything is where I left it,
The lovely quiet without the telly on,
The budget is what I say it is,
It’s perfectly fine to have soup and sandwiches several days in a row,
Take to Portugal for 3 months over winter,
Try a new activity group when it suits me,
I take advice from professionals and make my own mind up,
Most fun with money: learn to invest!
Embrace it, there’s lots to love about it.

Get yourself out and about in the evenings! There are groups and social clubs. Line Dancing. Rock choir. Tuneless choir! Do a Zumba class. Art group. Much better than sitting looking at 4 walls. 😊

That’s a good question. I am actually quite scared of the dark and feel spooked at home but will be better in a flat. I suppose it’s always a worry about being ill or having health problems as I age. I had some health issues last year and Dh took me to many appointments.
The thing that does my head in the most is imagining ex Dh in his new home with ow and her two adult dc who live at home all having a jolly time. Even worse my own adult Dc who have their own places joining them, while I’m at home. I don’t think they have but brain overthinking.

That’s great to hear. I’ve done very little travelling and would love to give it a go but think I’d need an organised group

I’m actually looking at town centre apartments for that very reason. Where I live now I have to drive everywhere and I’ve always been out and about in the day and dinner and tv in the evening but need to change that

I may pin your list to the fridge

Thank you. An online group is a great idea. I’ll have a look. And yes I am grieving and also very angry but trying to get past that

It may well be much less jolly in reality, quite the reverse in fact.

But that's his problem, not yours 😁

Thank you. I’m eating terribly as can’t be bothered cooking for one but trying new recipes is a great idea. I think I will get out more in the evenings when I move

I'd make a list of all the things I'd ever wanted to do that never happened during the marriage because they didn't suit DH. Places you want to visit, classes or summer schools you want to sign up for, decor he didn't like etc.

My sympathy. I lost my partner in 2019 and have done plenty of the great suggestions by PP. Travelling is one of the things I really enjoy, so have you considered a cruise? There's lots of different styles of ships, with as much or as little shared activity as you feel comfortable with. I'd recommend starting a short cruise in the off season, maybe from Southampton, to see how you get on.

Thank you. I will try that

I work with a woman who ended up on her own in similar circumstances to you. She went back to work after retiring at 60. She’s out every weekend for lunch. She says yes to any offer. And chills on her time off. She’s having a great time.