What is the solution!

[DandyOliveSheep]

Long post incoming:

My step brother and his partner split at the beginning of the year. They have x2 children and jointly owned their property.

He put down 50k deposit (inheritance and his savings) she contributed nothing and he has always paid the mortgage in full. She worked pt and covered some bills etc while they were together, when he moved out he continued to pay mortgage and bills for a couple of months however had recently taken bills out of his name.

She made a cms claim and he now pays that along with half the mortgage as she can now afford half mortgage payments with his cms payments. Well she’s sent him one payment so far lol.

She has made claims of DV against him taken out an NMO and occupational order however the occupational order was revoked at the court hearing.

He initiated mediation she failed to attend a few times then finally attended one session via video call on her own and mediator has told him she won’t cooperate and that she wants to stay in the house until the kids are 18.

He’s currently in his mums box room paying rent and bills there now. Has the children every other weekend for 2 nights. She originally wanted him to have them every weekend plus school holidays or for him to pay for childcare.

As the mediation has failed he now wants to pursue a force of sale tolata. She definitely wouldn’t be able to afford the full mortgage payment or wouldn’t be able to buy him out.

The house is 4 bedrooms and they have 2 DS

What’s the likely hood of the tolata claim going his way? All he wants is to sell up, split the profit with her and move on with his life but she is making it so difficult. He loves his kids and obviously doesn’t want to uproot them but he is struggling mentally and financially.

I’ve read that the courts take the children’s needs as priority in a force of sale which is understandable of course but what do they do in situations when either party cannot afford to continue with the current situation it’s a large mortgage.

He had the house valued a while back and they should end up with about 30/40K each in equity. Surely this would be enough for her to find alternative accommodation for herself and the kids and set up somewhere new.

When he suggested this to her before she went mad and said I won’t be able to get back on the property ladder but wouldn’t the court see renting as sufficient accommodation for the children? Surely as long as the home has love it doesn’t matter if it’s owned or rented 🙄

I feel so sorry for my step brother he is just in a mess every day he anxious and broken about what has happened and it seems like all she wants is to take him for everything he’s got (which isn’t a lot) both mentally and financially.

has anyone else experienced anything like this?

This is what’s getting to me the injustice of it all. He has worked hard to get them where they are and she doesn’t even respect him enough to care that he’s living with his mum at nearly 40 and all his life savings have gone into the house.

I just think if this was a man doing it to a woman it wouldn’t be able to happen. She’s insulting to women who actually suffer DV.

I'm not sure how they’re named on the deeds but I think it’s 50/50

I get that the judge will look at the children’s needs but not sure how they can order that she says if neither of them can afford it plus it’s a 4 bed and they have 2 boys.

How do you “know for a fact it didn’t happen”? You could only know that if you were him.

I don’t know why you’re assuming she’ll get the house OP, that’s very unlikely. Especially if he has the children 50:50. A court would expect both parents to be able to buy houses. They wouldn’t have one living in the family home and one effectively homeless

he’ll get an order to sell, itlll just take time

The same as her friends statements that helped to get the NMO in the first place then really. They commented on things they wasn’t present for. I know my brother and he hasn’t done the things she’s claimed. She admitted she went down this route to stay in the house.

Again - she is doing 86% of the child care and working three days a week.

he is working five days a week and doing 14% of the childcare.

does his mum cook him dinner every night and do his washing for him?

In his shoes I’d suggest he becomes resident parent forcing her to work and pay maintenance.

Thanks I’m not assuming she will, I was just asking if anyone had experiences to share as there so much conflicting info online. That’s all he wants is for them to both have somewhere.

I do get what you’re saying but he’s also the one who’s saved up and paid for the house and lifestyle they have. He would be happy to have them more and get a small flat/house she is the one who’s doesn’t want to change the lifestyle but wants 50/50 interns shared care. In the real world it doesn’t work like that unfortunately If you want a big house and fancy cars you either both work and pay for childcare or one of you is the bigger breadwinner and the other parent has the kids more.

And no his mum works he does his own as he did while living with ex lol

If he loses his job he won't be able to afford the big mortgage and the house will be repossessed. Then at least he won't be tied to the house, paying the mortgage for the next umpteen years. She'd have to use her share of the equity in either renting or as a deposit on a smaller place.

I would move back in if I were him. He has as much right to be there as she does. More probably

He’s worked all his life he wouldn’t be able to go unemployed. Tbh I think work and his kids are the only thing keeping him going at the moment. Plus he doesn’t want a negative impact on his credit as it’ll take years for him to be able to get another mortgage.

I’d love to hear her side of the story

He tried that then she went and got the NMO and an occupational order so he cannot go to the house.

So would I, genuinely. They were together for over 10 years we were never very close but I saw her as my sister in law and was there for the births of my nephews did all the bdays holidays etc. It came as a shock to us all so I would love to hear what her thought process is..

He can try to force her out with an Order for Sale. It will need to go to the magistrates court and the case heard by the presiding family judge. Get onto it asap.

The only other thing to try is professional mediation, to try to make her come around to the realisation that’s she's being unreasonable and selfish. But this is a bit hit and miss.

My brother was in this situation. After a year, he contacted mortgage company and they dropped the mortgage to interest only and the maintenance he paid his ex covered that.
He then rented a 2 bed place and had the kids 50:50. Once he was doing this, he no longer had to pay maintenance.
His ex couldn’t afford to stay there then, so they sold and split equity 50:50. She wasn’t happy.

Change the mortgage to interest only and apply for 50/50 if the kids would want that.

There are too many variables and unknowns for any of us to give him assurance of an outcome or timescale. The relevant advice here is that he should crack on with legal action to force a sale. She can counter that the sale should be delayed because of the need to house the children. However this argument has a few flaws:

1. she doesn’t need a 4 bed house.
2. a 5 figure lump sum will go some way to funding rent until she can work full time. this is very dependent on the local market and ages of the children
3. the deferred sale prohibits him from securing a home of his own.
4. her desire to be on the housing ladder is irrelevant to the court and to him.

It is very likely that if she is successful she will need to pay the mortgage in full. His equity will still be tied up but he can rent.

As evidence he needs to show that there is available and affordable housing in the local area. The court would give thought to disruption to education especially in children about to take exams. Whilst he should make the contention based on her current income he could point out if she can improve her income.

He should communicate his intention to her in a neutral and non threatening manner. A consequence is not a threat and he should just assert that this is what he will do in order to move forward with the house sale. He should not debate the rights and wrongs with her. He offered mediation and it didn’t work.

It is good advice to transfer to interest only if he can, although he may need her agreement.

The cost of lawyers here is a waste given the amounts involved. So he should try to self represent.

Unfortunately it is very likely that whilst there is a win for him at the end of this, there isn’t really anything in it for her. If she is on benefits then receiving a capital sum means she loses entitlement and instead of growing capital she will be eroding it.

There is a compromise that could be a win win. Which is to keep the property but she pays the full mortgage. This recognises that she benefiting from the property and he isn’t. His capital will still grow but without mortgage payments he could pay rent on his own place. The kids have a long term home.

There is a very real risk that these two end up spunking cash on a legal battle that leaves them both worse off. And they absolutely are both letting their children down with their acrimony.