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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Presents “from the kids” for the ex husband

38 replies

loulou1979 · 23/04/2025 21:03

Evening, we are in the process of divorcing. We’re separated but still living together until his house purchase goes through. It’s my husband’s birthday next month and I’m wondering what to do re his gift etc. I don’t plan on getting him any more gifts but I’d like to get him something from the children. Our kids are 15 and 12 years old. What do you think is a reasonable amount to spend? He’s asked the kids for a pair of walking boots…

im not sure how he’ll spend his birthday. We did have tickets for a show for all 4 of us. I’ll wait and see what he says. Urgh it’s so awkward!!

OP posts:
Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 23/04/2025 21:06

don’t get him anything from you “from the kids”. That’s a gift from you.

they’re old enough to sort it themselves, maybe remind them and give them a budget.

are walking boots in a 12 and 15 year olds budget? If not he’ll have to lump it.

wrt the show, him and the kids can go. If you really want to and he invites you, go, otherwise decline.

JudyC26 · 23/04/2025 21:07

just out of interest how does he expect children to buy walking boots? That’s really weird. Personally we’d never ask our children for anything. I mean cards and a token gesture would be the most I’d consider. Maybe some craft beer or some funky socks. Certainly not hiking boots!

ElfDragon · 23/04/2025 21:28

I organise cards/presents for my exH for Christmas and birthdays. I still do this because our eldest is disabled so needs help, middle one mostly does her own thing, but youngest is just 12, has little opportunity to shop for/by himself and so I organise. They tend to be around the £10-12 mark, or if something bigger then all dc give a joint present etc.

For some years I went along for exH’s birthday outings as the dc wanted/needed (due to disabilities) me too, but thankfully I don’t really have to now.

MereNoelle · 23/04/2025 21:29

At those ages don’t they have some pocket money that they can buy him a token gift with?

IggyAce · 23/04/2025 21:35

Children don’t have a budget for hiking boots, it’s token gifts only until they are earning. At 12 and 15 they are old enough to sort something themselves with either pocket money or a small amount from you.

fartfacenotfatface · 23/04/2025 22:20

At your kids’ ages, they can sort a gift themselves. Even if it’s only a few quid of their pocket money - whatever they can afford and choose themselves is fine.

Mumof3confused · 23/04/2025 23:36

Walking boots - what a twat. My ex once told the kids he’d love a stand-up paddle board. We live nowhere near the sea and the kids were in tears after they had looked up what one of these costs. The audacity. He doesn’t even contribute to their basic costs like uniform.

I’ve usually given the kids say £10-£15 each to spend in a local shop and suggested socks and chocolate, or they could choose to take their dad out for coffee and cake with the money. He doesn’t deserve it but I do it for the kids. Don’t do anything you don’t plan to carry on for Christmas/ birthday/ Father’s Day.

Original poster
loulou1979 · 24/04/2025 00:19

Hi, thanks for your responses. I must admit I also thought asking for walking boots was taking the piss. It’s costing me enough already to buy him out of the house!

I think I’ll give the kids a tenner each and tell them they can choose what to get him and they’ll be responsible for choosing and buying it and then I don’t need to worry about it any further. And they can buy him a card with their pocket money, or make one.

OP posts:
Original poster
loulou1979 · 24/04/2025 00:20

Mumof3confused · 23/04/2025 23:36

Walking boots - what a twat. My ex once told the kids he’d love a stand-up paddle board. We live nowhere near the sea and the kids were in tears after they had looked up what one of these costs. The audacity. He doesn’t even contribute to their basic costs like uniform.

I’ve usually given the kids say £10-£15 each to spend in a local shop and suggested socks and chocolate, or they could choose to take their dad out for coffee and cake with the money. He doesn’t deserve it but I do it for the kids. Don’t do anything you don’t plan to carry on for Christmas/ birthday/ Father’s Day.

Edited

Bloody cheek! A paddle board!

OP posts:
Flatandhappy · 24/04/2025 00:22

You are right, the walking boots are taking the piss and the tenner budget each for the kids is more than enough. Start as you mean to go on.

Original poster
loulou1979 · 24/04/2025 00:23

JudyC26 · 23/04/2025 21:07

just out of interest how does he expect children to buy walking boots? That’s really weird. Personally we’d never ask our children for anything. I mean cards and a token gesture would be the most I’d consider. Maybe some craft beer or some funky socks. Certainly not hiking boots!

He expects me to buy it. I think he’s struggling to adjust to the fact that we are separated and I don’t need to buy him gifts or plan his birthday any more!

OP posts:
ScoobyBooby · 24/04/2025 00:24

Walking boots !! He’s absolutely taking the piss!9

£10 each and letting the children pick is perfect !

Original poster
loulou1979 · 24/04/2025 00:26

Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 23/04/2025 21:06

don’t get him anything from you “from the kids”. That’s a gift from you.

they’re old enough to sort it themselves, maybe remind them and give them a budget.

are walking boots in a 12 and 15 year olds budget? If not he’ll have to lump it.

wrt the show, him and the kids can go. If you really want to and he invites you, go, otherwise decline.

Yeah good idea. I feel bad about an unused ticket but he has had plenty of opportunity to sell it on. Unless the kids really want me to go I’ll decline and spend the time doing something nice for myself :)

OP posts:
Farside99 · 24/04/2025 00:36

It should be a ritual for the kids not a materialistic exercise for him so what you are suggesting now should be fine

NetflicksAndSleep · 24/04/2025 08:29

I provided older 2 kids with gifts to buy their father up until they both had part time jobs so had their own money. I do the same for my youngest and his DF. I spend around £20 for Christmas and birthday, around £10 on Father’s Day and an egg for Easter.

Eggsinthewhoopsiebasketalready · 24/04/2025 08:31

Cheap walking boots. 1 for his birthday and the other one for Christmas..
Piss taking twat.

Foodframe · 24/04/2025 08:56

I was going to say it's.important they're able to feel they've given him something but asking for walking boots? Wtf?!

I'd have said a pocket money type gift l, even if you pay for it. A book or something of that value.

Peripop · 24/04/2025 08:59

I'd spent years wiping the guy's arse so i very quickly drew a line in the sand. Who expects gifts from their own young children anyway? 🤨

TY78910 · 24/04/2025 08:59

If he’s going to give the kids the money for the present then he can ask them for walking boots! Otherwise, a tenner for the kids is more than reasonable. Hoping that in due course he will do the same (give them a tenner each for you).

trailblazer42 · 24/04/2025 11:56

Both kids are old enough to buy something with help - my daughter has bought all her friend's birthday presents and family presents since she was about 13, but I give her £10 towards each. She has a paper round so anymore than that and it comes from her money. She's now 16 but makes those decisions herself and actually really loves planning and finding things (then my Amazon account gets used!). She's also old enough to make her own decisions...which this year resulted in me getting a Radley purse (definitely didn't ask for!) and her father getting nothing (a whole other story!!).

My son however is 19 and is completely useless because it doesn't even feature on his radar. He earns himself now but I've always had to be a bit more hands on with him and presents. Now that is just me reminding him to buy something. I forgot about that at Christmas and guess who ended up with no presents...

It's good life skills to hand over some responsibility. I'd never expect a practical present off my kids unless it was something small. Fortunately my kids know me quite well so don't usually need suggestions, and there's always the fall back of cheese and wine which they know I'd be delighted with!

TheHerboriste · 24/04/2025 12:30

£5 is plenty.

TheHerboriste · 24/04/2025 12:30

£5 is plenty.

Dogmum45 · 24/04/2025 17:57

Oh this has made me laugh. Walking boots and paddle boards 🤣🤣🤣 Absolute piss takers! I gave my child £10 and took him to B&M & let him loose.

I didn’t even get a card sorted by my EXH for Mother’s Day (my son is little) so that’s it. I won’t be sorting anything more than a card for birthdays from now on!

GardenGaff · 24/04/2025 18:00

Walking boots - cheeky bastard!! What a piss take.

usererror57 · 24/04/2025 18:34

I’d make it clear to your ex that the children (you) won’t be getting him walking boots. You’ll be giving them a tenner each and the eldest will choose something. Same with the card. And you expect the same to be reciprocated when it’s your bday and the same with Christmas and Fathers Day. if the kids want to spend more out of their pocket money because they’ve seen something in particular either of you like that’s up to them but it’s not to be expected and you won’t be topping the budget up either and don’t expect the same from him either