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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Living together after seperation

28 replies

IsThisLifeNow · 18/04/2025 13:24

I'm trying another thread after one last week got derailed by the Schofield supporters.

DH has come out as gay after almost 8 years of marriage, together almost 11 years, 2 young kids. He also went out and slept with someone before we separated.

What have peoples experiences of living together after seperation?

DS1 has probable ADHD and possible autism. He does not do well with change. He is also in a great, tiny but rural school. I can't see how he will thrive in a 30 to a class.

Would I be mad to consider both of us staying put? We have a large house, mortgage is medium size, probably not affordable alone alongside buying DH out. But there's space that we both have our own ensuite bedrooms, and theres TVs in both the living room and playroom, so we can have our own space in the evening too.

Despite it being early days, he only told me 5 days ago, we are functioning OK together. Neither have any interest in working on our relationship, but we're best friends before.

Completely nuts idea?

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 21/04/2025 14:12

It's up to individuals but I can't see it providing a very satisfactory lifestyle.

Original poster

IsThisLifeNow · 21/04/2025 14:35

@Viviennemary deep down you are probably right, it's not going to work longterm, but short term it's letting me take time with decisions and I'm going to work on building a little nest egg as @TheRealMrsFeltz suggests.

Yes it's already hurting how he has dropped the bomb then just carrying on with his life. As with our relationship before, he's the passive go with the flow where I'm the more organized do-er. I don't mind doing the work on the admin though, as I know it's done properly this way.

OP posts:

Original poster

IsThisLifeNow · 21/04/2025 14:42

TheRealMrsFeltz · 21/04/2025 13:40

Yes I was a little perturbed at his shrug. I mean its what I want in the short term too so its fine, but yes, giving me pause for thought.

I’d keep my antenna up if I were you - it seems odd he’d fess up to this with no plan for the future. Is it likely it was a one off shag or is he secretly seeing someone do you think? Or was someone about to out him? It doesn’t sound like he’s being particularly remorseful or considerate of his actions on you and the dc, either the years of lying or the cheating, which suggests a level of self interest here that would make me very wary of what else he might do without consideration for you or what he might have secretly planned.

Keep acting in your own self interest, if that’s living together to build a nest egg, working to divorce and get a good settlement etc. You need to be your own best friend now as he clearly isn’t thinking about you or the dc. I really hope you can keep it amicable but it’s no failing on you if doesn’t pan out like that.

Not sure if the encounter was a 1 off, I dont know if I care that much tbh. I mean, it'd hurt if he jumped straight into a relationship, but mostly because it's just stamps home the fact he had mentally checked out and was stringing me along when I was still invested in the relationship.

I'm adamant that there's to be no bringing of partners to our home and he agreed. If I found out he'd done that then I'd be asking him to leave immediately.

OP posts:

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