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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Low income ‘kept’ wife advice

34 replies

Sofia45 · 16/04/2025 07:10

I was wondering where on earth I start with getting some divorce advice: my husband is the breadwinner, has always paid all of the bills since we’ve been together (15yrs) I do work however it’s 2 days per week minimum wage and I keep my wage for bits and bobs. We have two lovely girls, a 1 year old and a 12 year old. This is an unknown to me I’ve always been pretty sheltered, I’ve no access to his bank accounts I’ve no idea what he earns (self employed). Is there anywhere I can get free advice, I have heard something about a free 30 minutes? He’s unaware I will be seeking that advice as we are still together. We’re existing, he 100% doesn’t love me any more I just feel he’s staying because he doesn’t want me to have anything of his and there’s no disadvantage to him I’m his live in housekeeper and nanny. we are selling our home at the moment that I know has quite a large amount of equity is he staying with me until after that I can’t have any of it? It’s dead in the water basically I just am clueless, if he starts to hide things I’ll have nothing should I leave. Not even a car

OP posts:
Whyx · 16/04/2025 07:13

Most law firms will give a free initial appointment. Just call them and ask. Will the new house you will be buying be in joint names? If you can safely gather any evidence of his income now I would.

Original poster
Sofia45 · 16/04/2025 07:17

We are going into rented, with a view to purchase when something suitable comes up in the area we want. When we do purchase it won’t be in joint names, he says I’m a ‘liability’ so he wouldn’t put me on the mortgage

OP posts:
Miloarmadillo2 · 16/04/2025 07:18

Most solicitors will give a free initial appointment but kind of with the assumption that you’ll then be engaging them. Can you start saving up some money? The starting point is a 50:50 split of all assets - that’s equity in your property (even if he paid mortgage, only his name on mortgage or deeds) the car(s), his pension. If you were main carer he’d have to pay you child support and you might be able to claim universal credit. Could you go see citizen’s advice to start making a plan about how you could manage? A divorce would take some time to finalise so you need an interim plan.

Original poster
Sofia45 · 16/04/2025 07:19

How do I then pay the feee for the solicitors if I did use them? Is it costly? Obviously he has more than me so would have an advantage there. If he spends the equity quickly investing in something what happens then?

OP posts:
Changeissmall · 16/04/2025 07:20

What is the plan with the equity? I would be moving fast if the plan is to put it in the (his) bank account as it gives him opportunity to invest it in his business or something.
Are you buying somewhere else?
Save all the money you can. You can get a lot of free advice on the internet. Wikivorce or basic advice on here.
Solicitors may agree to be paid after things are settled financially. I don’t think you’ll get much help from a free half hour as you don’t have any information really.
You need to be brave and get planning.

Original poster
Sofia45 · 16/04/2025 07:20

I am naive and pretty dumb when it comes to this stuft, like I say, sheltered and probably for a reason!

OP posts:
BottleBlondeMachiavelli · 16/04/2025 07:22

Sofia45 · 16/04/2025 07:17

We are going into rented, with a view to purchase when something suitable comes up in the area we want. When we do purchase it won’t be in joint names, he says I’m a ‘liability’ so he wouldn’t put me on the mortgage

Edited

Did he mean “liability” in the sense that a non-earning co-signator would bring the mortgage offer down? Or was he being general and insulting?

Do you feel safe with him? Is he abusive in any way?

You could register a marital interest in the house that would stop the sale, but you need to consider his reaction to make sure you’re safe, and you need to get advice FAST.

Viviennemary · 16/04/2025 07:25

Changeissmall · 16/04/2025 07:20

What is the plan with the equity? I would be moving fast if the plan is to put it in the (his) bank account as it gives him opportunity to invest it in his business or something.
Are you buying somewhere else?
Save all the money you can. You can get a lot of free advice on the internet. Wikivorce or basic advice on here.
Solicitors may agree to be paid after things are settled financially. I don’t think you’ll get much help from a free half hour as you don’t have any information really.
You need to be brave and get planning.

Exactly. You need to act before the sale of the house goes through.

Original poster
Sofia45 · 16/04/2025 07:27

BottleBlondeMachiavelli · 16/04/2025 07:22

Did he mean “liability” in the sense that a non-earning co-signator would bring the mortgage offer down? Or was he being general and insulting?

Do you feel safe with him? Is he abusive in any way?

You could register a marital interest in the house that would stop the sale, but you need to consider his reaction to make sure you’re safe, and you need to get advice FAST.

Show quote history

A tongue & cheek ‘joke’ with a serious undertone lol! That I spend money rather than earn it. He likes to paint a narrative

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 16/04/2025 07:28

Have you started looking for a full time job OP? Other than that find a solicitor for the free half an hour today

Scissor · 16/04/2025 07:29

I appreciate you say you've been together 15 years, how long have you been married?
It can sometimes make a difference if the marriage is really short.

Free 30 minutes at a solicitor can sometimes be a sales pitch rather than much practical advice, Google will give you lots of information, be careful to use reputable sites such as Citizens Advice from many kind people helping on the internet may be not up to date.

Learning as much as you can will be very useful..

Enrichetta · 16/04/2025 07:29

You may be sheltered but that's no excuse for ficking up your future and your children's.

Check out Wikivorce and Divorce for Dummies. Educate yourself.

Then engage a competent family solicitor who is prepared to get his fee out of your settlement. If your husband is likely to hide assets you may also need a forensic accountant.

Original poster
Sofia45 · 16/04/2025 07:31

ToKittyornottoKitty · 16/04/2025 07:28

Have you started looking for a full time job OP? Other than that find a solicitor for the free half an hour today

It’s been difficult even working twice a week as I get no help with childcare, grandparents can help one day per week but the rest would have to be childcare which he doesn’t want to pay for because I’d earn little more than it would cost.

OP posts:
BottleBlondeMachiavelli · 16/04/2025 07:33

Scissor · 16/04/2025 07:29

I appreciate you say you've been together 15 years, how long have you been married?
It can sometimes make a difference if the marriage is really short.

Free 30 minutes at a solicitor can sometimes be a sales pitch rather than much practical advice, Google will give you lots of information, be careful to use reputable sites such as Citizens Advice from many kind people helping on the internet may be not up to date.

Learning as much as you can will be very useful..

Once you marry, the courts will treat the whole relationship as a marriage, even if you only married towards the end of it. Especially with children involved.

Original poster
Sofia45 · 16/04/2025 07:34

BottleBlondeMachiavelli · 16/04/2025 07:33

Once you marry, the courts will treat the whole relationship as a marriage, even if you only married towards the end of it. Especially with children involved.

Show quote history

6 years married!

OP posts:
Whyx · 16/04/2025 07:39

Universal credit will pay 85% of childcare costs so you can eventually have a full time job. Could you discuss with your manager about increasing your hours at your current job at a specific date in the future. That could give you time to get organised.

Universal credit doesn't include child maintenance from your ex so don't worry about that stopping you from qualifying. It's just based on your income and savings.

I agree that it sounds like you need to stop the house sale very soon. Do you have an offer accepted?

Original poster
Sofia45 · 16/04/2025 07:40

Whyx · 16/04/2025 07:39

Universal credit will pay 85% of childcare costs so you can eventually have a full time job. Could you discuss with your manager about increasing your hours at your current job at a specific date in the future. That could give you time to get organised.

Universal credit doesn't include child maintenance from your ex so don't worry about that stopping you from qualifying. It's just based on your income and savings.

I agree that it sounds like you need to stop the house sale very soon. Do you have an offer accepted?

It’s imminent, exchanging within the next fortnight! This is all very scary I feel paralysed by fear lol!

OP posts:
S0j0urn4r · 16/04/2025 07:42

Do the free half hour. You could try more than one firm to find one you click with. They can also check if you're entitled to free/reduced cost which is income - based.
Get some proper advice.

Doggymummar · 16/04/2025 07:45

With regards to how do you pay for the advice, do you not have a joint account or credit card if your wages are low? When I divorced I put down 1500 AND the balance was taken off the house sale to pay the bill. You are in a difficult position if the house is sold and you move into rented, with no assets there is nothing for the solicitors to put a charge on.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 16/04/2025 07:47

I would not be allowing him to sell the house as he might hide the money. Can you get more hours at work to get some money together? Or get another job?

Original poster
Sofia45 · 16/04/2025 07:47

Doggymummar · 16/04/2025 07:45

With regards to how do you pay for the advice, do you not have a joint account or credit card if your wages are low? When I divorced I put down 1500 AND the balance was taken off the house sale to pay the bill. You are in a difficult position if the house is sold and you move into rented, with no assets there is nothing for the solicitors to put a charge on.

It does make me wonder if this has been his plan all along!

OP posts:
Sunholidays · 16/04/2025 07:47

Check the Law Society website for specialists in family law near you.
Save as much as you can and try and increase your work hours.
Does your husband own a company? Look in Company House’’s website for his accounts. These are all things you can be doing now. Good luck!

pinkdelight · 16/04/2025 07:54

It’s be helpful to move on from calling/thinking of yourself as naive and dumb. You need to get clued up and value yourself even if life and/or the relationship has made you feel otherwise. I’m sure with two kids and a job, mw or not, that you have plenty of capabilities and you can get a great deal of info and support on threads here on sorting all this out. Only mentioning this because your self-description stood out as something that disempowering when you need to be taking charge not feeling helpless and like he has more value than you. Screw that. It’s good that you’re getting out and can get your self-worth building up.

Pigeonqueen · 16/04/2025 08:01

pinkdelight · 16/04/2025 07:54

It’s be helpful to move on from calling/thinking of yourself as naive and dumb. You need to get clued up and value yourself even if life and/or the relationship has made you feel otherwise. I’m sure with two kids and a job, mw or not, that you have plenty of capabilities and you can get a great deal of info and support on threads here on sorting all this out. Only mentioning this because your self-description stood out as something that disempowering when you need to be taking charge not feeling helpless and like he has more value than you. Screw that. It’s good that you’re getting out and can get your self-worth building up.

This.

You write very eloquently and are obviously articulate. Stop putting yourself down. He just wants you to think badly of yourself so he can control you.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 16/04/2025 08:21

If you search for local Citizens advice hubs, often held at community centres, libraries or village halls, they often have a monthly session when you can book in for free with a solicitor.
This means there is no obligation to pay for their services further down the line.