What do you think a fair split is in these circumstances?

[anotherjoy]

Hello

Currently going through divorce we have been married 19 years, lived together for 6 years before that and separated 12 years ago.

Since we separated he has not paid any child maintenance but has paid the mortgage (I have also paid into our joint account each month).

He earns £56,000 per year, I earn £12,000 per year (I work in childcare so that I am able to do my work around the children they were 3 and 6 when separated now 16 and 19). Our house has been valued at £250,000 with 19 years left to pay on the mortgage and £100,000 still to pay off it. His pension is worth £51,000, I am state pension only.

He doesn’t have the children overnight (or ever has seen them once since Christmas) and lives with a partner since 2022 (he hasn’t told the children I only found out through the form E) who earns £26,000 per year and owns her own home valued at £190,000 with £100,000 left to pay on it.

Obviously with my current income I can’t get a mortgage (confirmed by mortgage broker) and if the house is to be sold I will need to find a house/flat big enough for the 3 of us and if renting one that would allow me to childmind.

He has been emotionally and financially abusive since we got together (I did not realise this until the lockdown in 2020 when I had a chance to have time away from him) until then I had him round for tea a couple times a week to ensure that he would still see the children as never asked to take them out and they wouldn’t go to his.

All financial declaration information has now been swapped and negotiations start. What do you feel a fair split would be? I am hoping for more than 50% but unsure if it’s just mine and his assets or the new partners too which will be considered (as he has her house to live in whereas we will struggle to rent somewhere let alone buy). I am hoping not to have to sell until my dc are finished with education (college/uni etc)

Thank you for any advice

I mean as the partner who ex is now living with, I would have refused to disclose my income or mortgage details. I'd see the divorce as absolutely nothing to do with me. Perhaps op is just wondering whether the fact that her ex is suitably housed will be taken into account when deciding the asset split. I wouldn't want it to be considered as the ex- he has no security and is just a relationship breakdown away from homelessness .

OP, if you work 45 hours a week and only earn £12k after expenses I would seriously consider closing your childminding business and getting a job.

Is it not the assets of the marriage that are split? Not the assets of a new partner?

I think you should get more equity as you’ve never had any maintenance, why haven’t you? Mortgage and maintenance payments should both be paid.
You need to get a job urgently then you MAY be able to buy him out.
How old are you?

If you’re a child care professional, you’d get a job in a nursery @anotherjoy

Your children are almost adults and you should have been working full time for a decade or so. I would think you would need to sell the house

It’s called being honest.

No, he did not have to pay the mortgage. He’s paid her £600 a month. She used it to pay the mortgage.

Morally. It’s half his debt though.

It’s going to be quite a leap to buy him out. Most people in this situation have to trade down. Or they get the house but none of the pension. If I was him I might not agree to that depending on equity in the house. It’s all in the pot though. If op gets a job, and can get a mortgage, she could possibly buy in a cheaper place. That’s what exDH will suggest.

The fact you split 12 years ago will be taken into account
when my DH divorced 4 years after their split the judge awarded 50% of his assets acquired during the 9years of the marriage they cohabited for and excluded anything after the date she left.
your eldest won’t be factored into any settlement now, you’ve left it far too long and he was paying £600/month which is way above any CMS calculation.

Did he pay you the £600 directly or did he pay the mortgage to the bank directly? If he paid you then its fair to say it was child support. And therefore you have been paying the mortgage for 12 years, and all those years of equity are yours alone. But if he was paying it directly that's a more difficult one to prove. However he should have been paying child support all those years, so I would argue either way it was child support. On £56k assuming they stay one night a week at their fathers, child support is £700/month. But you will still need a proper job asap to take over the rest of the mortgage and keep paying it.

Is this the timeline?

2007 got married
2012 house purchased, with 30 year mortgage
2013 "separation but... marital relations continued so only sort of, kids age 3 & 6
2020 marital relations stopped, this seems like legal separation point
2025 now (17 not 19 yrs left on mortgage); kids age 16 & 19

He has paid 5 yrs into the mortgage without living there and while the couple were "truly" separated, ignoring inflation... £7200 x 5 = £36k.

Or he paid 12 years of mortgage without benefit of living there. To some extent they lived like a married couple until 2020, though.

I wondered if he might have a case for saying that the financial split should be based on your mutual positions in 2020. Which means the size of your pension pots in 2020 not in 2025. Anyway, no way do you get > half of all assets now. £75k as a cushion to help you set up a new home (rented) and find more income, isn't bad. Helluva lot more than many people end up with after a divorce.

Are you on universal credit alongside your self employed earnings? If not, it makes no sense to work so much for so little when you could go and get a minimum wage elsewhere. For example even working in Sainsbury’s you’d get a staff discount on food which I adds up for any family.

You could probably get more than 50% based on the fact that you have the children as well as your lower earnings (although you would be expected to get a better paid job). But even if you did get the house (which is unlikely) you can’t stay in it if you can’t get a mortgage at all.

Just because he paid the mortgage doesn’t mean he will get anything from the house. This would be offset again the unpaid child maintenance he did not pay. Can you afford the mortgage now without him?

@ForgettingMeNot On £10,000 a year self employed? Probably not !!!

Sorry - £12,000 a year but that’s a peanuts mortgage.

Your children are adults now ( or near) so only the 16 yo will feature in your housing needs as assessed by a court. And at 18 your youngest won’t either

he will be deemed adequately housed which reduces his need for assets arguably ( morally this is wrong) but her income /assets won’t factor ( nor should they ). She can refuse to disclose

you may get more than 50% but they will assess your earning potential not what you currently earn and the length of separation

you’ll need proper legal
advice