What do you think a fair split is in these circumstances?

[anotherjoy]

Hello

Currently going through divorce we have been married 19 years, lived together for 6 years before that and separated 12 years ago.

Since we separated he has not paid any child maintenance but has paid the mortgage (I have also paid into our joint account each month).

He earns £56,000 per year, I earn £12,000 per year (I work in childcare so that I am able to do my work around the children they were 3 and 6 when separated now 16 and 19). Our house has been valued at £250,000 with 19 years left to pay on the mortgage and £100,000 still to pay off it. His pension is worth £51,000, I am state pension only.

He doesn’t have the children overnight (or ever has seen them once since Christmas) and lives with a partner since 2022 (he hasn’t told the children I only found out through the form E) who earns £26,000 per year and owns her own home valued at £190,000 with £100,000 left to pay on it.

Obviously with my current income I can’t get a mortgage (confirmed by mortgage broker) and if the house is to be sold I will need to find a house/flat big enough for the 3 of us and if renting one that would allow me to childmind.

He has been emotionally and financially abusive since we got together (I did not realise this until the lockdown in 2020 when I had a chance to have time away from him) until then I had him round for tea a couple times a week to ensure that he would still see the children as never asked to take them out and they wouldn’t go to his.

All financial declaration information has now been swapped and negotiations start. What do you feel a fair split would be? I am hoping for more than 50% but unsure if it’s just mine and his assets or the new partners too which will be considered (as he has her house to live in whereas we will struggle to rent somewhere let alone buy). I am hoping not to have to sell until my dc are finished with education (college/uni etc)

Thank you for any advice

Curious as to why you think his partner's income and assets might become part of your divorce settlement. If they happened to break up afterwards, would he be refunded the difference?

New partner’s assets don’t come into it. You should def get more than 50% (both of equity in the house and some of his pension) since you have sacrificed both your earnings and pension to care for the children. It’s made a bit difficult by waiting so long after the split - the children will both soon be adults and he’ll have no obligation to support them, though in reality they probably won’t be ready to leave home. Could you go for staying on in the house until youngest is 18 and then it’s sold? You need to be basing finances on you working full time though - being around for the children is a thin excuse when they are both pretty much adults.

I thank you for replying, don’t necessarily think that they would but I have read that they have been taken into account on some occasions which is why I have listed them so that people had all the information before giving advice.

Actually the fact that exh lives with a partner is very much in ops favour. He will be considered 'housed' and you will likely find that will advantage you in the asset distribution.

I would request that the house is given to you in the divorce. At your kids ages you should really be working full time and sort that asap so you can arrange to take on the remaining mortgage yourself. What would your full time income be?

You can then get on CMS for him to pay you maintenance.

You've been separated for 12 years, your children are late teens and an adult, you're still work extremely part time....? Has he been paying the full mortgage?

I know it’s been ages since he moved out. I have never had the spare funds to go through the divorce process and he had never mentioned it. There was also a certain element of me not wanting to rock the boat, he continued to sleep with me until lockdown which led me to believe we could possibly get back together.
My youngest turns 18 in 2026 and leaves further education in July 2027 so if we could stay til then it would be preferable to selling now.
I do work full time as a childminder, however profit is low as so many outgoings to run my business and the new funded hours have created a drop in income/children leaving to start school and new ones not starting has resulted in a low income

His partner’s income is irrelevant and won’t feature in any settlement.

The starting point is 50% of all assets (equity, pension ) and as you don’t earn much, I would assume that you’d have to rent. You can offer to swap some of the entitlement of his pension for equity but he can say no and £1 equity doesn’t equal £1 pension.

Was the amount paid on mortgage more than what you would get in child maintenance ? It’s not really relevant that he paid the mortgage instead tbh as you saved money and hassle of moving. It doesn’t really financially matter that you encouraged dinner either. You say he’s abusive so he was never going to be grateful for that.

And the fact you want to take money from another woman than increase your own hours?!! Oh deary me!!

I work 45 hours per week so not part time at all. I have also just recently started a second job at weekends which will hopefully help with my income. I actually earn almost £20,000 per year but running costs are around £7-8,000

Are you always so rude?

How much mortgage was he paying you OP?

I really don't understand why your wage is so low when you've had no childcare commitments for years now.

The children are now quite old and I think that may be relevant. One is 19, wouldn't be classed as a dependant . The other only has 2 years to go and they'll be an adult as well. Could this have been done deliberately by ex? Given their ages, you haven't been restricted due to childcare (career wise) for a while now . I'm assuming no additional needs of course. So I suspect that the argument will be that whilst your earnings were impacted whilst they were younger, you can earn a lot more than 12k now - a minimum wage full time job is 25k per year. What does your solicitor think is reasonable to ask for?

Also why the marriage ended doesn’t affect the settlement.

It’s not that my wage is low (£20,000 per year) it’s that after all business deductions it’s only £10-12000 on paper which is what mortgage brokers look at as I am self employed.
He has been paying around £600 per month mortgage.
I think I will have to close my business and get work elsewhere…..for people assuming I am lazy I can assure you I am not I work ridiculously hard for such little end of year profit but it’s been worth it to be there when my children have needed me (lots of mental health problems with my dc which I haven’t gone into on here)

I have no real advice op apart from you need to forget what may be morally right in your situation. All that will matter is the legal stuff.

With such low take home pay you’d have been better off getting a part time job that pays the same. Closing the business does sound like a good idea

Partners assets are nothing to do with you and the split, and the eldest will also not be considered I’m fairly sure as they are an adult. You’ve been seperated for 12 years, and that will also come into play with what offer you get/ or your solicitor gives. You also may not get as much as you’d hope given that the separation was 12 years ago. No child support is something you would have had to follow up at the time, and isn’t a consideration now, especially as he’s continued to pay the mortgage. Have you remortgaged? With your timeline of 19 yrs surely there should be less than half of the mortgage still to pay off?

No we haven’t remortgaged the house I was led to believe it was a 20 year mortgage and since divorce started have discovered it was a 30 year mortgage which he got me to sign without realising

I think you mean pragmatic? Even at 20k working 45 hours a week must be way under minimum wage. Agree with pp you'd be better of on minimum wage job would be about £29k pa?

So you do childcare (from home) but only make £10,000 due to £1000 a month costs? What are they? This doesn’t sound sensible. It’s a dreadful return on over 40 hours a week. So yes, get a job and the fact you have no pension is poor too. You surely must have known you needed a financial settlement and you’ve taken a bit of ostrich position. Surely if you had got a decent job you could have got a mortgage. I suspect his side will say this. I would try and get a job asap. Preferably one with a pension.

Sorry for being dense- but there should be 11 yrs left on the mortgage then? Maximum? Given the 19yrs timeline. You were married 19yrs including the separation time and another 6 yrs together so 25 all up- the house must have been bought minimum 20 years ago- why is there still 19 years left? I wasn’t sure if he’d remortgaged behind your back or something

Sorry @SD1978 I should have made myself more clear. We actually moved into this house in 2012 which is when the 30 year mortgage started

It is a question on the Form E but it could go either way. He pays more to you/children as has a a two person pot or pays less as he has his own and partners bills to cover.

This. All day. The cheek of it.

How did he stop you from reading it? Is there any proof of that?