Is this enough child maintenance?

MummyofoneT · 2025-04-11T22:13:28+00:00

Hi I hope I'm posting this in a suitable place! am looking for some opinions please. I separated from my daughter's dad last year. He is a much higher earner than me, works full time. I work 30 hours a week and already struggle with that due to a couple of slipped discs so really can't increase. Her dad works nights so she sleeps with me 5 nights of the week, but we split the time she is actually awake 50/50 if that makes sense. So it's tricky to know what is fair in terms of child maintenance.The child maintenance calculator only works on how many nights the child spends with each parent so it works out at about £380 a month. He's only offered to pay me £200 which I am struggling on. Do you think that is fair as he has her half the time she is awake or do you think I have grounds to go to the CMS and ask for more?

Ponderingwindow · 11/04/2025 23:23

Is he buying 1/2 the clothing, paying 1/2 of the child care expenses, doing 1/2 the transporting? paying 1/2 of the incidentals of having a child like birthday presents and the odd requests from school? If you have the child for nights, does that mean you also cover dinner or breakfast?

Original poster

MummyofoneT · 12/04/2025 07:43

We have no arrangement for this as he refuses to do mediation. I guess it is around 50/50 transportation, we don't need childcare as my mum looks after in the holidays when we are both working. He picks her up from school on Tuesday, Thursday & Friday and has her until around 7.15 then she has to come to mine to sleep, then I have her Saturday & he has her Saturday night through to Monday. For birthdays we just each pay for the present if the party falls on our day. No arrangements for clothes but he has been buying her stuff.
If I had a request from school I expect he would help pay if I asked.

OP posts:

Spirallingdownwards · 12/04/2025 07:46

He does not do 50/50 just by having her a few hours after school a couple of days and 2 overnights. Claim the full amount via CMS if he won't do mediation. He won't do mediation because he knows he needs to be paying more.

AnonymousFish10 · 12/04/2025 08:16

So it sounds like you still have her the majority of the waking hours? Let's assume around 4 hours each Tuesday/Thursday/Friday for him and an additional 12 hours on the Sunday = 24 in a week. Then let's add an additional 2 hours for the Saturday evening he has and an hour on Monday morning. Making his total WAKING hours 27 in the week.

Now let's do you. Monday/Wednesday 4 hours each and then 12 hours on Saturday before you hand over to dad. That's 20 hours total. Then let's add up every night shift, I'm going to add about 2 hours for each night she sleeps with you but I'll let you decide if that's right = 10 hours for the week. Now you're on 30 hours. The mornings are an additional 3 hours. So you're doing around 33 hours vs his 27 hours waking. That's 6 hours - or put another way, an extra 20% compared to him.

None of this math includes the extra responsibility of getting her ready for bed, dealing with any wakes in the night and doing any other prep for school etc.

I agree with Spirallingdownwards - call CMS and get a proper calculation done.

Original poster

MummyofoneT · 12/04/2025 09:06

Hi thanks for your input. I have calculated all her waking hours and think its 50/50, I know it's complicated but it's roughly the same as he has her Sunday evening and Monday morning as well as 4 hours after school on those days. But if you count overnight while she's asleep that swings it that she's with me way more. I spoke to CMS they said they work on nights and that's all there is to it, up to me if I don't think that's fair. Yes all the prep in the morning like her lunch box and the stress of getting her to school on time, and mostly to bed on time falls to me!. He is saying he can't afford anymore as he's on under 2k a month at the moment.

OP posts:

AnonymousFish10 · 12/04/2025 09:35

Okay then that makes sense. With that in mind I think it's up to you then. It doesn't seem to be that he's shirking his responsibilities in any way. I assume that's 2k net a month. Assuming he's renting somewhere and has other bills to consider, then I do understand his point. I'll leave it to you to decide if you want to push through CMS for the £380. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer tbh.

I'm sure you've already considered this but is there opportunities for same hours but better pay at other jobs?

millymollymoomoo · 12/04/2025 10:03

So you’re laying breakfast and lunch during week, he’s paying evening meal etc? Plus you pretty much share other costs 50:50? If so I think it’s fair. You’re not incurring costs while she sleeps ( yes gas electric etc but his £200 covers that)

380 on 2k a month sounds high ….

millymollymoomoo · 12/04/2025 10:05

What’s your monthly income ? I imagine you are claiming child benefit, universal credit too up plus or wage …. You make out he’s high earner in your op but less than 2k is like minimum wage

TwoBlueFish · 12/04/2025 10:10

To me it sounds pretty fair. Are you claiming UC (if entitled) and child benefit?

I just did a quick CMS calculator on a £30k salary, which is just over £2k take home a month, and it says £298 a month if she’s staying 1 night a week. Do you think he’s lying about his pay?

Hoardasurass · 12/04/2025 10:22

MummyofoneT · 12/04/2025 09:06

Hi thanks for your input. I have calculated all her waking hours and think its 50/50, I know it's complicated but it's roughly the same as he has her Sunday evening and Monday morning as well as 4 hours after school on those days. But if you count overnight while she's asleep that swings it that she's with me way more. I spoke to CMS they said they work on nights and that's all there is to it, up to me if I don't think that's fair. Yes all the prep in the morning like her lunch box and the stress of getting her to school on time, and mostly to bed on time falls to me!. He is saying he can't afford anymore as he's on under 2k a month at the moment.

Thing is it's not what you think is fair its what the law says your dd is entitled to.
Think of it this way when she's in childcare that you've had to source that's your time, if it was his time he'd have to find, arrange and pay for it, but he didn't you did. He doesn't pay for half her clothes, uniforms and all other nesscaries that's again all on you.
Basically he is not paying anywhere near half of her costs so he needs to pay the full cms assessed amount, which btw is the minimum he should pay and most decent parents pay extra they don't try to shurk their responsibilities by paying less than the minimum and thus depriving their child

Original poster

MummyofoneT · 12/04/2025 11:48

Regarding his pay he was on about 40 k as a class 1 HGV driver a while back. Now he's saying he has gone down to 4 nights per week rather than 5 but they are 12 hour shifts so that's still 48 hours!. He could be lying about his pay I've not really worked it out x

OP posts:

millymollymoomoo · 12/04/2025 12:24

And your income is what ( inc cb/uc )?

Original poster

MummyofoneT · 12/04/2025 12:55

After tax I come out with £1280 plus £300 u/c and £100 Child benefit thanks

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millymollymoomoo · 12/04/2025 16:52

So it seems your incomes are not too dissimilar / you get 1880 inc his current contribution, he gets c 1800 after that ( on the basis his net income is actually 2k) and you appear to be incurring 50:50 costs

so it doesn’t seem too unfair to me ( unless his income is much higher than this) but I don’t see how you get to 380 cms calc

Original poster

MummyofoneT · 12/04/2025 20:41

Having worked it out I think he might be lying about his salary. As an hgv class 1 driver he can't be on such a low amount, he's already told my daughter he is getting 10k more in this job than his last which was 33k. He is saying he has reduced his hours but he is still doing 4 long night shifts, am just not sure exactly how long. So yes I agree if he's on under 2k seems about fair, but I don't think he's being honest. He gave me £230 last month and just reduced it to £200 this month without even a warning, so that of course has started a disagreement. He's saying he has reduced his hours so he is part time like me as he doesn't like his job. When I mentioned it might be best to go through CMS he said 'If you do that then you will get everything you deserve '. So not really sure what to do now, if I use them and that makes him hate me it could make life very difficult coparenting. To put things in to connect he cheated on me then was awful for the whole year we had to live together while we sold the house ,hence why I don't fully trust him!.

OP posts:

AnonymousFish10 · 12/04/2025 22:01

It seems that he's willing to do what's best for him - you should do the same. Remember, CMS will get their salary data from HMRC, not just take him at his word. So if he's lying and he's on more, you'll know soon enough.

Also, when did he go part time? Could it be that is a very recent change so therefore it makes what he told your daughter no longer true? I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt here.

Original poster

MummyofoneT · 13/04/2025 07:52

I think it was a few weeks ago, it's in the same job though. I just don't know how long the shifts are, I'd have to literally go round to his house in the middle of the night to see if he's gone or not to get an idea, which is a bit tricky when I've got my daughter!

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lalalalalala2024 · 13/04/2025 08:06

Are you in a rented property or mortgage ? How are you only getting 300 on 1320 ?

Original poster

MummyofoneT · 13/04/2025 14:10

I have a mortgage but it's only £480 per month

OP posts:

Instinct1 · 13/04/2025 15:07

So are you only working part time?

Original poster

MummyofoneT · 13/04/2025 16:54

I do 30 hours. I have 2 slipped discs from picking my daughter up years ago, if that wasn't an issue I would go full time but I struggle as it is. I used to do 24 hours when we were together but had to increase it to 30 to be able to get a mortgage on my own.

OP posts:

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 13/04/2025 21:52

Spirallingdownwards · 12/04/2025 07:46

He does not do 50/50 just by having her a few hours after school a couple of days and 2 overnights. Claim the full amount via CMS if he won't do mediation. He won't do mediation because he knows he needs to be paying more.

I agree. If you event way more than him I'd say come
To an arrangement privately but you don't .
Be prepared he will then try to go to court for 5050 and may well get it

peoplealwaysaskmethat · 13/04/2025 22:05

If think that sounds fair. She’s not actually costing you anything while she’s asleep.

Spirallingdownwards · 14/04/2025 15:18

peoplealwaysaskmethat · 13/04/2025 22:05

If think that sounds fair. She’s not actually costing you anything while she’s asleep.

Assume you are the gf of the ex to come up with this nonsense!

Minnie798 · 14/04/2025 15:35

It depends. If he is going half's on uniform, clothing, extra curriculars, school trips, school lunches etc etc then that is going to be higher than the £180 extra you would get through cms per month . They certainly get more expensive the older they get too. It's likely he'd pay the cms amount and no more if you go down that route. Work out which makes the most sense financially.