Husband wants all the equity

[macaroniplease]

I would love to see if anyone could offer me some wisdom or advice because my divorce process is really trying.

We are trying to be amicable about the financial split and are currently both living in the house that we jointly own (via mortgage).

It is likely that we have around £300k in equity in the house.

Husband has stayed at home since the kids were born (so ten years) and I have been working in a job that supports all the mortgage, bills, household expenses etc.

Husband has done a bit of part time work recently but nothing that would make a significant contribution to the cost of running the house.

We would both like to find three bedroom houses (to accommodate the kids when we have them) and I would be able to port the mortgage for mine.

His position in a financial agreement is that he needs almost all of the equity in order to buy a house. He would only be able to get a very small mortgage and therefore he would want £250k - £300k to be able to buy a new property.

We live in an expensive area in the SE and we are agreed that we would like to keep the kids in their current schools. To be fair to DH, houses in our village start at around £300k for a three bed.

I find it very difficult to accept that this is fair to me as I’m just left with a debt in this scenario.

I would suggest 2/3 of the equity to him but both keep own pensions

Because he has contributed to the equity by his labour in the home. And he's entitled to benefit from the investment. He won't benefit if he doesn't get enough equity to house himself and the kids to the same standard as OP can - and moving into rented even with £150k in the bank is nowhere near equivalent to moving into a purchased property. He lacks earning and borrowing power because he has cared for the children. He should not be penalised for that.

How much money have you saved for yourself in the last 14 years? Whatever it is should be shared 50/50 as your DH being at home enabled you to work.

You should top up his pension pot to be the same as yours.

He could have been working for the last 4/5 years when your youngest started school so he has some responsibility for his financial situation.

The age the children are now, he can work full time and get a mortgage so a 50/50 split of the house equity seems fair to me if you're going 50/50 for child care.

You don't need to convince him and you probably won't be able to. The important decisions will be made by the divorce court. Don't get too hung up on the idea that everything has to be done by agreement.

It's not going to be 50/50 as his earning and borrowing potential is much lower that OP's because he has stayed at home raising the kids.

you both have a need for 2 bed flat or house if you want more then that’s on each of you to borrow the extra. As there’s no extra money to share the court will be looking at the cost of 2 beds. You need to focus on what the legal tests are and cost that out not on wants.

Ok fair enough so if the loss of earning/borrowing potential can be calculated accurately by a qualified 3rd party, any resulting equity split would seem fair to me.

What is the plan for your daughters, do you and your STBXH want to do shared 50/50 care so they have equal overnights at each house, or will one of you be the resident parent with more than 50%?

Your youngest is 9 - what has he been doing for the last 5 years?! Did the two of you agree on him not doing any paid work at all while the girls were at school?

I think you both need to consult a solicitor (separately, obviously) because there is a big disparity in pensions and earning power so it's going to be difficult to work out what's fair without professional advice.

It might be worth him exploring the option of shared ownership which would allow him to use his share of the equity (however much he gets) to buy a share of a home and then he would pay rent on the rest. Either that or he gets a job so he can get a mortgage!

https://www.advicenow.org.uk/get-help/family-and-children/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-your-finances-when-you-get-divorced

My ex and I did this. We saw that setting out on an equal footing in terms of house size and the kids not having to live a poorer lifestyle half the time was fair.
We did the sums based on max mortgage each of us could get and divided the equity to get a house of equal size.
However we have children with SEN and that limited the earning potential of one of us as our child couldn't cope with wrap around care.
It's also not fair to expect the sahm parent to go back in at the same level after a decade out of work.
Put your kids first. You don't want disparity of living conditions for them.
How are you going to make it work.

Stop thinking of it as your money tho. It's matrimonial assets. Him being a sahp allowed your career to flourish - he did contribute.
Kids first

They have both contributed so they share the equity. That equity won't allow them both to buy a house. That's no one's fault, it's basic maths that two people with one house can't split it and own two houses in the same expensive area. But he can rent a decent house in that area for 150k. Plenty of people divorce and rent. Plenty of guys who weren't the SAHP end up living in a room in shared houses or small flats when they divorce. Or indeed end up moving in with other women who own their own homes. His options are much better than that with a decent wodge of the equity but not all of it. Both parties don't tend to both immediately be able to buy nice three-bed houses in expensive areas if they're not loaded.

I'm not minimising his contribution, but he doesn't get to have all the equity so he can own a house if the maths don't stack up that way. The split can be worked out, but no way should OP feel like she owes it to him to have it all so he can get a mortgage. It just doesn't work that way. Especially as his kids are 9 and 14 and many SAHMs get their careers back on track when both kids are in school. He can't expect OP to hand it all over now so he doesn't ever have to do that.

It will enable them both to buy a property. But it has to be split proportionately so they can buy property of a similar size/value. It's not that complicated.

Op you mentioned that you can port your mortgage, how much have you left on that, would it be enough for you to purchase a similar property without further lending? Or would you need to borrow more.

Are you having the DC 50/50?
I think you should split the equity in half.
He should get a full time job, & rent a 2 bed house (they are 2 girls) until he can afford to buy a house.
You could help pay wrap around care on his days, to facilitate.
there is no way he gets all the equity

I would offer him 60/40 as that's probably the best you could expect. Your joint pot is 410k including pensions so that would mean 246k to him which you could give via house equity of 226 plus his pension. The remaining would be 72k of equity plus your 90k pension, total 162k for you.

It's not unlikely to be a worse split of 70/30. The fact that the kids are school age and that he is well able to work full time now. Your income, while high probably isn't enough to need to spousal maintenance.

As a warning, even on 50/50 care you may still be due to give him child maintenance due to income difference.

Op what do you propose as a fair split as a counter offer?

you both need housing but courts don’t state this has to be mortgaged /owned but they won’t leave one party owned outright and the other renting or massive debts to buy.

What’s his proposal rework ?

In this situation it’s usually an equity for pension swop, so he would get more equity and you’d get more pension.

if neither of you can afford to stay where you are that’s a problem.

He needs to look at shared ownership. A 60% 40% split would be fairer

Not if they're living mostly with him...

If the youngest is 9 he needs to get a job. He is 49 and could get work. What’s he going to do between now and his retirement age of 67?

Had a friend in a similar position years ago and the judge actually said it is time to get a job ‘Mrs High Maintenance’. She, to everyone’s surprise, turns out to be a very good estate. In her case equity was 60/40 to her in exchange for no pension sharing. She started off renting and then got a mortgage based on her earnings and the equity also expensive SE area got an apartment

Your DH needs to get himself sorted.

I'm sure he's aware of that. They aren't wealthy to the point where he could buy a property outright and expect spousal maintenance and never get a job. But he's been out of the job market for ten years while OP works her way up to a £90k salary job. He won't be able to earn or borrow as much as her even if he gets a full time job tomorrow.

But they'd also say that a SAHM needs to get a full-time job. As does @macaroniplease 's STBX-H.

I think you need a good lawyer, @macaroniplease

Is he in the part time role now OP? And is a 3 bed necessary, for either of you? I'd have thought as you have two girls you could both be looking at 2 bed properties.

More yes. All no.

I think you need to stop thinking about what he "needs" and what he can afford. The way a divorce works is that you add up all the assets (house equity, savings, pensions from both), you take off any joint liabilities (mortgage), and split the money. That split is often 50/50, but could be different if one looks after a DC with special needs etc.

It's not about how much you or he need, nor about what you've paid in the past or what he's paid - it's about splitting your assets. If he can't afford to live the life he wants after that then he has to get a job, it's that simple. Have you taken advice on this because your approach seems really unusual (I don't mean to be rude, but a lot of the info you give is irrelevant when it comes to the split). Please look after yourself and DC, he can sort himself out.