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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex used alias to marry me..

30 replies

Freedomfighter87 · 04/04/2025 14:57

I left my abusive husband back in January, and it’s just today come to light that my husband has used an alias the entire 27 years I have known him. He married me using his alias name and I have taken the alias name as my surname. Our child also has this alias as their surname. The only reason I have found out is that it has shown up in relation to a safeguarding report Cafcass have written. Any thoughts on if my marriage is even legal? I’m aware I will likely to need proper legal advice but was just wondering if anybody else has had something similar .

OP posts:
U53rName · 04/04/2025 15:17

Is this fake? How did you never see his passport/drivers license/bank statements/NI card?

primroseandsunshine · 04/04/2025 15:19

What do you mean by alias? Has he legally changed his name and you never knew his original name? Does he not have any family or did they all change their names? This is very odd

MyUniqueHalloweenCat · 04/04/2025 15:19

You need legal advice.

FortyElephants · 04/04/2025 15:21

If he was using this name legitimately (ie not for fraud purposes) and had ID in the name then it was his name. It shouldn't invalidate your marriage.

MyUniqueHalloweenCat · 04/04/2025 15:24

The question is why would he use an alias? Is he a spycop? A bigamist?

BottleBlondeMachiavelli · 04/04/2025 15:29

U53rName · 04/04/2025 15:17

Is this fake? How did you never see his passport/drivers license/bank statements/NI card?

First sentence of the first reply is to question OP’s veracity. Nice supportive posting, there.

Men have been known to do these things.

I imagine OP is in shock.

Suitablefor · 04/04/2025 15:30

so this alias isn’t his legal name?

did you never have a peek at his passport in 27 years?

BottleBlondeMachiavelli · 04/04/2025 15:31

MyUniqueHalloweenCat · 04/04/2025 15:24

The question is why would he use an alias? Is he a spycop? A bigamist?

Yes this is important.

Any clue in the report as to why, OP?

My deeply unqualified guess is that your marriage is/was legal, as long as it wasn’t also bigamous. Living under a pseudonym isn’t illegal and he signed the marriage register. It’s a huge deception, though.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 04/04/2025 15:35

So Cafcass know, and have included this information in their report? How do they know, who told them? Did they assume you already knew?

CarrieOnComplaining · 04/04/2025 15:36

Lots of people use more than one name.
Did he change his name due to an issue that is relevant to the safeguarding report?

Suitablefor · 04/04/2025 15:36

BottleBlondeMachiavelli · 04/04/2025 15:29

First sentence of the first reply is to question OP’s veracity. Nice supportive posting, there.

Men have been known to do these things.

I imagine OP is in shock.

Show quote history

To be fair it means in 27 years the op never saw his passport, marriage certificate (you need to show your passport or another form of identification to register(), driving license…. Indeed any legal doc at all

Original poster
Freedomfighter87 · 04/04/2025 15:37

His passport and bank cards etc are in what Cafcass have said is an alias - he would have started using it back in the 1990s so perhaps it was easier to obtain documents then?! I’m never going to get an honest answer from him - the amount of mad lies I’ve uncovered since leaving is insane!

OP posts:
Original poster
Freedomfighter87 · 04/04/2025 15:38

I was just 17 when I met him, he was late 20s. With hindsight there were plenty of red flags but I was just too young to see it back then.

OP posts:
RuthTopp · 04/04/2025 15:39

Was it both names ? Or something like Dave Smith real name Dave Jones ?

Suitablefor · 04/04/2025 15:40

I imagine there’s a lot more to this and we shall never know
but doesn’t make sense so I’ll leave you to it op

SlightlyJaded · 04/04/2025 15:43

Hmmm CAFCASS is a chaotic shit show from my experience. I'd be more inclined to believe our passport office and DVLA in terms of robust checking than I would CAFCASS but happy to be told I'm wrong.

How are CAFCASS proving this?

FortyElephants · 04/04/2025 15:45

How is it an alias rather than a change of name?

Butchyrestingface · 04/04/2025 15:47

BottleBlondeMachiavelli · 04/04/2025 15:29

First sentence of the first reply is to question OP’s veracity. Nice supportive posting, there.

Men have been known to do these things.

I imagine OP is in shock.

Show quote history

I think the PP was asking if the name was fake as in - hadn't been the subject of a legal name change, and was assumed for the purpose of deception. Not implying OP's post was not in good faith.

User57713 · 04/04/2025 15:49

My dh changed his name when his mum married his stepdad. So he was John Smith. Then his dad died, years later his mum remarried and he changed his name to John Jones to match his mum and stepdad. I'm married to him as John Jones and all his documents are in that name. So it might not be dodgy? Although it sounds like he might be dodgy, even without the name.

hatethesun · 04/04/2025 15:58

It happens my own mother put a fake name on my BC i cant prove who she is because the name on my BC dose not exist and there is no trace of her on any record.
I cant even get a passport because of it.

Original poster
Freedomfighter87 · 04/04/2025 15:58

The report states that he is known to the police by the name X with the alias of Y. The report also revealed he had been to prison for ABH on his baby, I’m guessing he started using a new name once released and shortly before he met me. I moved away to uni at 18 and he came with me (I know now how wrong this was), so I never really met his old friends and he didn’t speak to his family. Until this report I had no idea he had a child. It’s a lot to take in and I’ve already book some therapy sessions. At least a lot of missing pieces are now making sense to me!

OP posts:
allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 04/04/2025 15:59

@Freedomfighter87 is he denying his correct name, not his assumed name? do you have a copy of his birth certificate? what country are you in? you can certainly get one in scotland and ireland so I am sure there is a website for england and wales that gives birth marriage death and divorces!

BottleBlondeMachiavelli · 04/04/2025 16:23

Freedomfighter87 · 04/04/2025 15:58

The report states that he is known to the police by the name X with the alias of Y. The report also revealed he had been to prison for ABH on his baby, I’m guessing he started using a new name once released and shortly before he met me. I moved away to uni at 18 and he came with me (I know now how wrong this was), so I never really met his old friends and he didn’t speak to his family. Until this report I had no idea he had a child. It’s a lot to take in and I’ve already book some therapy sessions. At least a lot of missing pieces are now making sense to me!

Well that’ll be the “why”.

You buried the lead a bit there OP. ABH on a baby? Sheesh.

MyrtleLion · 04/04/2025 16:31

It is perfectly legal to change your name by usage and get documents in the new name. It was easier in the 1990s when you didn't have to have proof of identity. Even now if you get a utility bill in your new name it's easy to get other documents as well.

Unless he was married before then you are legally married.

What is appalling is that he has changed his name to avoid telling anyone he has a criminal record. He has lied to you and he is dangerous to children. I am so sorry that this is compounding your anger at his behaviour.

primroseandsunshine · 04/04/2025 16:34

Wtf ! What a 𓃟.

what he has done to his baby
ever told you about his other child
lied about his name to you
basically groomed you
never told you about prison

I would be changing my name back to my maiden name and getting the ball rolling to change your child’s. If he won’t agree to your child’s name being changed then it’s going to be difficult as he will likely have to absent for x amount of years or your child reaches an age where they can change it themselves