Just separated and very scared. Please read

[Singster1986]

Hi everyone
i I just wondered if anyone can give advice.
In a nutshell husband and I have split. He earns an awful lot of money (approx £230k) and I have always worked part time no more than about £7-9k per year as have looked after the home and bought daughter up (now 12) Last year I set up on my own in a little business but have earned barely anything and have had to shut it down for the foreseeable future because of the situation so I earn nothing really.
I have no money in my name at all. The house is in his name. He currently wants me to move out of the house even though it’s 4 bedrooms so I have said no I am not leaving because I want to be there for my daughter because no matter what she needs her mum. None of my family live where I do they are all 3 hours away and all of his are local so if I leave I have no where to go. He is watching my every move on our joint account so I’m terrified to spend any money and quite frankly I am on my knees.
Please, somebody tell me that I will be ok 😥 all I want is peace in my heart and a new life for me and my daughter so that she can enjoy her life with a happier mum and dad but I feel like the walls are closing in on me even though I know I have absolutely made the right decision. I’m in for a rocky ride and I’m so scared and feel so alone. I know he will dispute everything and I’m not sure I have it in me.

He also has a much more expensive solicitor than me by the sounds of it. I have spoken to mine and she has said that that might be the case. But the the law is the law and we will fight your corner every step of the way. But I’m so so worried and anxious right now. 😥 any reassurance would be very much appreciated xx

Sit tight in the house for the time being. Things will be difficult in the short term when you have little or no money. I wish womenwould stop putting themselves in this vulnerable position. But worse thing you could do is move out.

Not sure if you would get spousal mintenance as it seems that its hard to get these days. I wouldnt rush out and get a new job right away. That will just add to your stress.

It can make a big difference with small children.

Don't be disheartened OP. It's true that you don't get spousal maintenance for decades any more, but you certainly could in your circumstance.

During the divorce, you should ensure your needs are met (and those of the children) are met by interim maintenance. Your ex is a wealthy man, you are doing the childcare.

I would prioritize this. A judge would rip him to bits if he did not pay interim maintenance.

Then you can negotiate and plan your future after divorce

@bombastix op doesn’t t have small children. She has a 12 yo. Her settlement will be based on her earning potential on full time wage, along with needs, and available assets.

Ah, I need glasses; I thought 2!

Go for your interim maintenance OP but I agree that you won't get much spousal at 12. You will need a job and one that uses your potential to earn.

Obviously you will end up with some percentage of the martial assets, but your priority needs to be getting a job asap.

Breathe. You’re going to be more than fine. Stay strong. My ex was a shocking bully and backed the fuck off when my lawyer pointed out that everything goes into the marital pot and if he carried on with his dickery, all that would happen would be that the marital pot would be eroded by legal fees on both sides.

He may well have an expensive solicitor. So what? Lawyer up and pay for it from the joint finances, and make it clear to your solicitor what the situation is, and that you may have to settle their bills in the final settlement. They’ll know whether it’s worth their while or not to do that.

You will look back in a couple of years when you are free of him, and breathe even deeper.

You only have to fight this battle once. So make it count.

If you are worried about him monitoring your spending, transfer a lump into a personal account (if you don’t already have,
something like Starling or Kroo can be set up quickly and easily via an app) and just tell him that you need it to pay for your personal expenses. You just take one hit on him moaning - I’ve just done that (but awkwardly has to ask for the funds as I didn’t have access to) but figured it was better to do once rather than him having insight into my new life (I’ve moved into a rental so furnishing).

I’m the one that’s moved out so a little different but he has always had more financial control and money and spending has contributed to our demise.

You don't need to move out it's the family home so you have a right to stay there. You should register your home rights;
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/notice-of-home-rights-registration-hr1

Get copies of any financial documents you can.

If there's a good amount that can support you for a few weeka in the joint account I'd open my own account and transfer 50% across. If both your names are on the joint account you are legally entitled to use that money and to move it to another account.

Apply for child benefit if you don't already get it. If you do get it move it to your personal account.

Apply for UC as you are separated, this can be done while living under the one roof, but you will need to provide evidence you're no longer together.

Look for a job