Ex left me for OW 18 years younger

[Applesandpears1806]

My STB EH of 18 years has left me for the OW he had emotional(he says)affair.
I've posted on here before at times about things,but now,after living in the same house together separated for the last 7 months he's moved in with her. We have a DS who is 8.He abruptly moved out on the 4th, into an Air Bnb with her for a week. Within days they've viewed a house,put up a years plus of rent and are moving into it. He's 39 she's 22!
It's laughable in a way to me,but now I'm facing the prospect of my son meeting her at some point which I will have to deal with.
Anyone else had experience of this or something similar?
I want to be the better person about it all,and I'm trying. The most important thing is my son's happiness. But I just cannot believe his behaviour,and feel he's so deluded about his life choices. What a fucking idiot! I'm struggling to keep my mouth shut. 🤦‍♀️

How long before she announces she's pregnant?

Give it 8 years when he is nearly 50 and she is still 30.. and your son is 16 and worked out what a dick his dad is.. you will be with a guy your own age and happy ..

... and he will be divorced again..

Really helpful to the OP that! FFS

This 👆 Karma will catch-up with both of them

A stepmum at 22? More fool her

22 is young. In my experience most people don't mature till after 25 so she may change her mind. I knew a mature person in early 20s who went out with an older married guy who left his wife but she did break up with the older guy to go out with someone her own age.

Yes his life choices are questionable but at the end of the day, they're no longer your concern. Keep your dignity and keep your opinions on his choices to yourself - let off steam to your friends if need be! Keep your co-parenting relationship with your ex businesslike and co-operative. This is the best thing to do for your son. Yes he will have to meet OW at some point and hopefully she'll be nice and your son will have a good relationship with her.

This. Absolutely agree with this poster.

You must be reeling. Perhaps she will be an older sister/Aunty type. Can't really see her inspiring alot of feeling from your son. Maybe she can build lego with him or draw robots. I dunno.
Most likely your dc won't even think about her if she is not right in front of him.

As for your ex. Is he having a tattoo done of 'Midlife Crisis' across his forehead? I bloody hope you are not financing his half of the rent!
I can see how a young woman could be dazzled initialy by an older man. But at some point she is going to invite him to meet her parents. Hope you are a fly on the wall for that. In time she will go out with her peers who are having amazing times. She will suggest your ex meets her friends. All they will see is some saddo creep trying to get down with the kids. Grim.
When he tries to come back, I really, really hope you say 'No thanks, doing better without you.'

Let it go

This is crap op, I really feel for you, what a fool he is.

The girlfriend is actually closer in age to your child than she is to your ex. You’re well rid of him, let her play house for a while until she realises the reality of the real world.

Keep your head held high, you’ve done nothing wrong. Co-parent as best you can and I hope you find happiness in the future x

I disagree

She will probably be pg soon. And then after a few years he'll probably fuck off again, or she will see the light.

They'll both get what they deserve.

Unfortunately the kid will be related to the OP's son so hopefully she sees the light long before she gets pregnant.

Her parents, siblings, friends and acquaintances are likely to tell her he's a creep especially if they ask his backstory. She is unlikely to listen until difficult social situations with him occur.

Could well be a 5 minute wonder. Support your DC and allow those two get on with their lives.
Didnity at all times @Applesandpears1806 .
Hopefully you can move on.

The best thing to do is make sure you get a very good divorce settlement.

by moving in with her he’s suitably housed

Start your divorce, get the best settlement you can and move on with your head high.

You seem to think that this 22 year old will want him to share custody of his child, that's not how this usually works. Be prepared for him to choose her over his child, the way he did with you. Get maintenance ASAP and discuss with your 8 year old what he wants to do, he's old enough for his feelings to be taken into consideration.

Stop trying to understand him and his choices.

Instead focus on the practicalities to ensure you walk away with more than half the joint assets.

Wikivorce
Divorce for Dummies
Family solicitor websites
Form E

Gather ALL financial documentation and see an experienced family solicitor. Remember pensions are very valuable assets.

I’m sorry you are dealing with the break up of your marriage. Try and concentrate on the fact that he’s just not good enough for you, not what he’s doing now. My exH had a relationship with our babysitter, so I do understand, but try and focus on your and your sons lives and how much better they will be now you know this man isn’t worth your energy. You WILL find peace. (I rarely even think of ex, divorced 25 years ago, and I’m with a truly good man now and have a far more honest-to-my-needs life than ever.)

Good luck.

I'm really sorry that you have had such a terrible time. There will be other posters along who have got lots of advice for you. But I do think that right now, your priority should be the financials. Protect yourself and your ds.

What is the house situation? Is he paying CM formally or have you come to an agreement?

Wow. Sink the boot in eh.

Remember O/P most people are laughing at your Ex and thinking what a fool he is . Now focus on yourself and your kid and what's best for you both .

He's a massive POS and a sad walking mid life crisis.

Screw him and the OW.It's time to concentrate on you and your son and you two only.The ex is now irrelevant.

They'll be someone along to offer practical advice on getting your ducks in a row.

Surround yourself with real life support,brace yourself for stuff like pregnancy announcements and engagement announcements:my nieces mums ex husband cheated and had the OW knocked up with a ring on her finger within months.

The OW in my nieces mums case was very insecure and keen to "stake her claim".

I'm sorry he did this to you,no woman deserves it.It obviously hurts but be glad the trash took itself out.

I often hear of chump lady blog and a book called lose a cheater,gain a life.Might be worth looking up.

The best of luck for the future OP.

So sorry OP. Sadly a lot of men have grown up with this type of role modelling from their own family and current mass media seems to endorse them shagging around and not being committed to anything that takes effort.

It's something that you now have as a life experience unfortunately, so do what you can to show your son how to be better. Focus on breaking the cycle there for future daughter in laws and society. If we all did this we might make a difference.

Take time out for you where you can, keep busy, see friends, find hobbies - ditch thinking about finding a man etc and work on trusting yourself for peace of mind and finding your own happiness. These days we cannot rely on men for much, it seems.

It always shocks me how many silly young women think it is a good idea to go for a much older married man.

Unless of course that man is wealthy and they choose him because they want a meal ticket...

Both your ex and this woman sound like complete fools.

Leave them to it and make sure you enjoy your life now that you are rid of that waste of space of a man.

They've done a good job at making themselves look like fucking idiots. Keep your head held high OP I guarantee everyone will be on your side. I imagine myself at 22 and couldn't think of anything worse than playing stepmum it won't last and your ex will probably try to get his claws back into you when he realises the magnitude of what he had done. Agree with PP doubt your Dc when they are older will have a lot of respect for him