Can I stop divorce court order from continuing?

[Newshed67]

I filed for ancillary relief order several months ago so my divorce is currently before a judge. It's all getting very difficult and I want to stop the court order completely and halt the divorce as my circumstances have also changed.
Can I do this?

So you no longer want to get divorced?

does your ex? Under no fault divorce he can divorce you whether you want it or not.

the divorce can go ahead without financial order ( although not usually advised)

divorce proceedings can be stopped at any time before a final order as long as both parties agree. Does he?

@millymollymoomoo it's gone too far and the judge is asking for valuations of houses etc, can I still halt the divorce if my ex is agreeing?

You can stop it anytime before the final order is made. If your ex agrees

Why are you looking to stop it ?

But the ancillary relief order has been filed already? And there has already been a review. So can I still stop it? I want to stop the whole process due to my mental health , I need a breather from it all. It's getting too much.

What country are you in? It’s not called ancillary relief in England and wales but appreciate it might be called that in other jurisdictions.
In England and wales you can discontinue the application and ask the court to dismiss your claims. You’d be better off asking the court to adjourn it though as you might well want to pursue the claims later.
However, the divorce is separate from the financial application. Are you saying that you no longer want to get divorced? Does your spouse want to get divorced. If the final order for divorce, which used to be called decree absolute hasn’t been made, you can ask the court to dismiss your application. However if the court has already made what used to be called decree nisi and is now called a conditional order, then your spouse could apply for the final order if they wanted to, as long as six weeks have passed.
Id recommend seeking legal advice on the procedure.

I'm in Northern Ireland

@Startinganew32 I initiated divorce proceedings against my ex then went for an ancillary relief order as he wasn't responding. Things are now getting very real, the judge has asked for houses to be valued.
my mental health isn't very good and I just want the whole thing to stop. Ideally would like to disengage from my solicitor and stop the court order and my ex and I just do the divorce ourselves. But I'm worried it's gone too far for this.
Surely the judge can't make us continue with this process if I want it to stop and my ex agrees?

No. I am not familiar with NI law but I’d be surprised if it was very different from in this country. You could jointly file a consent order asking for the application to be adjourned until either of you applies again. As you might not have legal representation, you could also write to the court jointly and ask for the matter to be listed for a very short hearing where you explain the position and then the judge can make the order adjourning the application or allowing you to withdraw it. Or attend at the next scheduled hearing and explain matters to the judge.
But as I said, ancillary relief is a different process to divorce. Do you still want to get divorced? Or do you want to withdraw that too?

@Startinganew32 thank you so much. I have a solicitor but she is quite pushy and I'm worried that if I tell her I want to stop the court order, she will try to say I can't or something. So I'm trying to get my information together before I ring her so that she can't fob me off basically

Ah okay well it’s good that you have a solicitor because she can then draw up the consent order and it could all be done on paper.
Also remember you are the client. Your solicitor has to act on your instructions. If you want to discontinue things, that is your choice.

You need to talk to your solicitor and explain that you need the process to be slowed down or adjourned because you are feeling overwhelmed.

Don't stop the divorce altogether unless both of you are committed to staying married and making it work.

Above all, don't jeopardize your financial future just because your mental health right now is poor. Pause the process, seek the help you need, and regroup once you are in a better place.

So you’ve reconciled?

Because if not then stopping the divorce is a really bad idea and can only harm your MH more in the long run.

Why did you want a divorce in the first place?

If you stop the process then you are giving all the control to your ex, and under no fault divorce laws he can divorce you whether you want to or not.

@Startinganew32 if you don't mind me asking, what is a consent order? There is a review with the judge next week, I'm thinking of attending it with my ex and telling them we want the whole process to stop

@Semiramide I still want to get divorced but to just do it ourselves and have no legal representation and get rid of my solicitor basically but I'm worried it's gone too far and I can't get out of it because there is a judge involved now

No advice on what to do but are you making this decision entirely by yourself rather than being pressured by your ex?

It's all so overwhelming and my mental health is at an all time low over it all, feel like I'm on this express train and all I want to do is get off.

@AnneLovesGilbert yes it's turned into a total shit show, I want the whole thing to stop.

OP, kindly, the problem you have is that finances have to be resolved. If you don't have a financial order settling the finances then you remain financially tied to each other.

You can get rid of your lawyers and apply to withdraw your ancillary relief application.. but your ex could just apply again for an order.

You say houses plural for valuation which suggests there might be a lot of assets involved. I'd recommend a chat with your solicitor because not resolving this is a really bad idea.

It’s an order endorsed by the court but which essentially represents an agreement between the parties rather than a court-imposed solution.

Until you have a signed final
otder it can be stopped

but im not seeing from
your posts a reason to

you’ll still need to solve the finances and get a consent order signed by a judge - and if your ex won’t discuss or can agree between you you’ll end up in court

If you still want the divorce to proceed, focus on getting mental health support rather than stopping the process. You have already accrued costs, so you might as well dig deep and push to the end. Have you got a counsellor you can speak to? Or your GP?

Surely if it’s gone so far, you’ve already paid your solicitor, just carry on and get it done instead of waiting around and having it hanging over you for longer?

If your MH is poor, how on earth are you going to organise a divorce and sort all the finances?

If you want to get divorced, explain to your solicitor that you need to pause proceedings whilst you see your GP and get your health in a better place

For goodness sake don't take the divorce/splitting finances on yourself

If both of you are in agreement, the court will be more than happy to see you both go back into mediation and pause the case. They have an overriding objective in fact to see cases settle in the most efficient way and the two of you agreeing something is quicker and easier for a court than having to hold an FDR and a final hearing.

You can "convert" the current financial remedy case into a submission of a consent order and a very under-resourced court would be delighted with this outcome. Typically, this happens 99% of the time after an FDR anyway. Final hearings are really quite rare. I've only worked on 3 after 20 years employment and that's quite typical for employees in mid-sized law firms like mine.

However, if you just want to pause things and cause delay because you need a break and you intend to carry on with court later, I would probably point out that this would not be fair to your ex and he would probably be advised to refuse.