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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husband wants me to move out but won't help me pay for moving costs

43 replies

Scarlymama · 07/01/2025 19:12

Hi, my husband and me are separating. We live in a house which is tied to his job which we pay a small amount of rent for. He says the marriage is over. It's so expensive in the place where we live, rentals are extortionate but of course I want to move out ASAP he's making my life a misery now. I've got two teenage children from a previous relationship. It's costing me an utter fortune to move out. Months rent as a deposit, months rent on moving in, removal costs, buying a new sofa ( even though we bought our one together) and buying a new bed. I'm looking at about £5000. He says it's not his responsibility to help me with any of these costs as I still owe him 1300 for the car that we bought together.
Any advice? I'm so tired. I just want it to be over.

OP posts:
Livinghappy · 07/01/2025 19:16

How long have you been married for? Do you have access to any joint savings?

You could be entitled to 50% if there are any assets.

Dillydollydingdong · 07/01/2025 19:19

It sounds as though it's in both your interests for you to go your separate ways. And if the house is tied to his job, obviously it has to be you who's moving out. There's no way of forcing him to contribute to your costs, so I think you've got to bite the bullet. Can you keep the car?

LadySnoresMuchly · 07/01/2025 19:19

Well there's more to it than moving costs.

How long have you been married?

LarkspurLane · 07/01/2025 19:23

Have you seen a solicitor? It sounds like you need legal advice.
Who is keeping the car? Do you have any evidence that you bought things like the sofa together?

Spirallingdownwards · 07/01/2025 19:23

Report yourself and children as homeless to the council and they may be able to help with housing. Explore what UC you might be eligible for that would help with housing costs

Original poster
Scarlymama · 07/01/2025 19:25

Not long, only three years. We don't have a joint account and have kept our money very separate. He doesn't want me to keep the car. We don't own any property together. Sod it I may as well just bite said bullet. X

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 07/01/2025 19:25

Do either of you have money in pensions?

Original poster
Scarlymama · 07/01/2025 19:26

I'm a bit scared to speak to a solicitor as it's so expensive and all my money is going on the move at the moment..

OP posts:
Original poster
Scarlymama · 07/01/2025 19:26

I do, probably more than he does.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/01/2025 19:27

Does he earn a lot more money than you?

Original poster
Scarlymama · 07/01/2025 19:27

No he doesn't. We are on roughly the same wage x

OP posts:
Pinkissmart · 07/01/2025 19:29

Negotiate- see if he will cover rent and house bills for the last months you live there

LadySnoresMuchly · 07/01/2025 19:29

Three years is a 'short marriage'. Legally I mean.

If you earn the same why should he pay your costs?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/01/2025 19:30

Scarlymama · 07/01/2025 19:27

No he doesn't. We are on roughly the same wage x

Sorry OP I’m really struggling to see why he should pay your moving costs…

ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/01/2025 19:31

Pinkissmart · 07/01/2025 19:29

Negotiate- see if he will cover rent and house bills for the last months you live there

I agree this is a good compromise though, he will be paying them himself soon anyway

JimHalpertsWife · 07/01/2025 19:32

If the rent is low on the work provided home, how come there isn't savings to negotiate over? What % of your own income went on bills/rent?

Original poster
Scarlymama · 07/01/2025 19:32

He ended the marriage and asked me to move out, as it was his choice it would seem fair to me that he pays some of the moving costs for me to relocate. But just wanted to have others opinions to see whether or not it seemed fair to others.

OP posts:
Original poster
Scarlymama · 07/01/2025 19:33

I wouldn't ask him to pay the whole thing just to help me with it.

OP posts:
LarkspurLane · 07/01/2025 19:34

I think you need legal advice, not just what people on mumsnet think.

If you feel there are joint possessions, you should not have to leave everything and start again. It seems completely crazy that you owe him money for a car that he is keeping. Does you leaving impact him in any way financially (besides now having to pay rent and bills on his own)?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/01/2025 19:34

Scarlymama · 07/01/2025 19:32

He ended the marriage and asked me to move out, as it was his choice it would seem fair to me that he pays some of the moving costs for me to relocate. But just wanted to have others opinions to see whether or not it seemed fair to others.

Why is the marriage ending? It’s rarely totally one sided

JimHalpertsWife · 07/01/2025 19:35

I'm not sure what the legalities are on you being able to stay in the rental until the divorce proceedings are underway, or at least you insisting on staying while you negotiate on the moving costs/ car payment etc.

Original poster
Scarlymama · 07/01/2025 19:38

He doesn't love me anymore, he has lost interest and doesn't see a future with me. I was blindsided by this. I knew he had been giving me the cold shoulder on and off and had no interest in going out with me as a couple of taking the kids out etc and he'd often lie in bed all day on a weekend but I just thought it was a bad patch or that he was depressed. I had offered to go to couple therapy etc but he says it's pointless.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/01/2025 19:39

Who’s are the kids?

JimHalpertsWife · 07/01/2025 19:42

Why do you owe him 1300 for the joint car? Who is keeping the car?

Original poster
Scarlymama · 07/01/2025 19:43

Kids are mine.

OP posts:
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