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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Husband wants me to move out but won't help me pay for moving costs

43 replies

Scarlymama · 07/01/2025 19:12

Hi, my husband and me are separating. We live in a house which is tied to his job which we pay a small amount of rent for. He says the marriage is over. It's so expensive in the place where we live, rentals are extortionate but of course I want to move out ASAP he's making my life a misery now. I've got two teenage children from a previous relationship. It's costing me an utter fortune to move out. Months rent as a deposit, months rent on moving in, removal costs, buying a new sofa ( even though we bought our one together) and buying a new bed. I'm looking at about £5000. He says it's not his responsibility to help me with any of these costs as I still owe him 1300 for the car that we bought together.
Any advice? I'm so tired. I just want it to be over.

OP posts:

ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/01/2025 19:50

Have you check if you will be able to get any help from universal credit once you’ve left?

Keepingthingsinteresting · 07/01/2025 19:56

Scarlymama · 07/01/2025 19:25

Not long, only three years. We don't have a joint account and have kept our money very separate. He doesn't want me to keep the car. We don't own any property together. Sod it I may as well just bite said bullet. X

If he keeps the car he should be paying you for half, not demanding you pay him

Collette78 · 07/01/2025 20:03

I think with these situations you could spend a lot of time, emotion and money arguing the toss and still not get a resolution that is fair to you.

Personally I wouldn’t waste the energy and would just walk away.

If that’s how he wants to be then let him… shame on him.

RawBloomers · 07/01/2025 20:06

I tend to agree that the cost of removals should be joint, though not so much new rent and deposit - assuming you didn’t put money towards the deposit on your current place - or new furniture). But I don’t see how you can make him pay. So I would look at how you can take what you need with you, and pay as little out in expenses he is being left with to make things fairer. If you both paid for the sofa there’s no particular reason it should stay with him. Look at the items you’ve bought together jointly and choose your preferred fair share. Move on a day he’s at work and take them with you. If it’s just the sofa, take it anyway, maybe tell him you’ll pay him half its current value (as a second hand sofa) when you have the money in X months time. But make sure you can document your entitlement to be considered an owner. You don’t want him to be able to make a decent case for theft.

Farahilda · 07/01/2025 20:09

What sort of housing were you in before you moved in with DH?

You say teenage DC - are they in GCSE or A level years? Where does their father live? (Just wondering how local you need to stay)

Where did the money you would otherwise have spent on rent end up?

Have you made any changes to your finances because of the marriage? With the marriage being pretty short, and no shared DC (ie neither of you would have needed to change your work patterns to support the family) then a general aim of a settlement would be to put you back in the situation you were in beforehand.

JimHalpertsWife · 07/01/2025 20:11

Keepingthingsinteresting · 07/01/2025 19:56

If he keeps the car he should be paying you for half, not demanding you pay him

Show quote history

Or he should write off the half she apparently owes him for it.

LastNightMyPJsSavedMyLife · 07/01/2025 20:15

Sofa and bed you will find free on Marketplace until you can replace with better.

Endofyear · 07/01/2025 20:32

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to pay some of the moving costs seeing as it's him who wants you to move out, but I can't see how you can make him pay if he doesn't want to. If he's keeping the car, why does he think you owe him money for it? I would get some legal advice, speak to Citizens Advice and see if they can recommend someone reasonably priced.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/legal-system/finding-free-or-affordable-legal-help/

Jk987 · 07/01/2025 23:09

Surely you can take some of the furniture with you? The bed or the sofa plus some kitchen stuff, towels etc. He can't expect to keep everything that was jointly yours?

trailblazer42 · 08/01/2025 13:34

Beyond what you can 'get' or ask him to do, you can make use of finance to help you? Even if it is just short term - I've just moved and have savings but haven't been able to easily access/didn't want it seen, but I managed to get a 0% purchases credit card and I used Ikea for furniture because they offer interest free finance. Some of the sofa companies offer 0% and pay later. Sounds like you have an income to cover living expenses so if you can afford the day to day stuff yourself then see if you can get assets on finance. Just keep track of them and ensure you can repay the minimums.

Don't pay him for a car now - he can negotiate that later if that's something you want to do to get him off your back. He's not going to have any legal basis for demanding that off you now, if at all.

devastatedagain · 08/01/2025 14:11

When I got divorced and my ex moved out we split the cost as I thought that was fair, so yes, insist that he pays half.

LemonTT · 08/01/2025 16:15

If you split the cost of the bed and sofa and there was no quid pro quo other than the car I would suggest you take one of these items.

did you pay rent during your time there? If you lived rent free for 3 years then you did get some benefit. Which would be worth more than a bed and a sofa.

he is not responsible for your deposit or rent.

stbeaker · 08/01/2025 16:18

Please do not listen to the advice of get legal advice. You don’t need it.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 08/01/2025 16:44

@Scarlymama so he is keeping the joint car and he is keeping the joint sofa??? that doesnt sound fair to me. is your name on either of those things???
was it a new joint bed as well???

Original poster

Scarlymama · 08/01/2025 17:02

Thanks for your comment. Yes I have paid bills and rent and all of our family food shopping costs, Netflix etc since I've lived there. I know he's not responsible for my rent or deposit moving forwards, the post was wondering if he could help with moving costs x

OP posts:

DucksonthePondQuack · 09/01/2025 08:49

Spirallingdownwards · 07/01/2025 19:23

Report yourself and children as homeless to the council and they may be able to help with housing. Explore what UC you might be eligible for that would help with housing costs

This. It’s definitely worth doing this even if you have to wait a while for a council house. As you are technically classed as homeless you will get priority.

LaurieFairyCake · 09/01/2025 09:12

Don't pay him for the car if he's keeping it

Or let him have the sofa

That's how you get more money

LemonTT · 10/01/2025 06:24

Scarlymama · 08/01/2025 17:02

I would say moving costs, as in removal vans etc, is your own cost. Practically speaking you can’t force him to pay for anything to do with your move. Unless you refuse to move out which would be unhealthy for you and the children.

There are no major assets to split other than some jointly purchased items, the sofa and bed. They are second hand now so value wise worth very little. Do you want to take them or have him give you what they are worth?

Are there any savings or pensions - in reality you won’t have a worthwhile claim after a short marriage with no children of the marriage.

I don’t understand the car situation. Did he buy and pay for a car that you used? Is the car even an asset? Many financing options mean they aren’t. You owe more than it is worth.

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