Long time reader and occasional responder/name changed for privacy
posting for other viewpoints as I can’t pinpoint exactly why this is bothering me so much, will try to keep it short.
background:
I’m from the US, got married there, had two (now late primary/early secondary) DC. ExH was completely useless, stopped working etc, ended up divorcing. No one blamed me, not even exMIL. I got full custody, uncontested. A few years later I got work visa for a job I needed in UK, moved with kids to UK, have lived here since. Prior to move he saw DC about once a week for 12-20 hours. ExH did not want more contact at the time.
Although I facilitate as much contact with exH as he would like, contact since the move has been sporadic— sometime he will go six months without calling them. He often doesn’t respond if I send updates/pictures. ExMIL calls them once a week, at the same time every week.
Since moving I have met and married DP, had additional children, and all that is going great! (I know Mumsnet hates blended families but irl there are many very normal ones) we spent the entire summer im the US with my family, and I informed ExH and exMIL beforehand. ExH acknowledged we were coming and has not spoken to me since! We arranged EOW contact time with exMIL at her house, but ExH was always present with her during this contact time.
When we returned, they both resumed their old contact patterns. Now exMIL has asked if they both can come and take the kids on holiday this summer. ExH has still not contacted me since before he saw the kids! I really don’t want to let the DC go on holiday alone with them but I can’t articulate why….
maybe outsiders can help me pinpoint it?
exH is a terrible traveler and real stick in the mud, so I am sure the trip would be mostly managed by exMIL.
I also assume he is not working because the government takes maintenance directly from his wages and I haven’t received anything in six months.