Has any one used a divorce coach? is it helpful?

[Disagreeable]

Just that really. I feel totally overwhelmed but what steps I would need to take to split from my husband. I chatted to a solicitor and she recommended seeing a divorce coach to help with an 'action plan'

Anyone used this before?

Happy to answer questions about this.

Be careful that whoever you use is a member of an accrediting body as anyone can set up as a coach and be clear on your objectives and how many sessions you can afford, rather than getting sucked into more.

I’ve never heard of this- what is it?

Well I've heard everything now. A divorce coach?

I can see how it makes sense if you think it'll be a difficult case and the cost is lower than what a solicitor would charge for general advice. Can't hurt to try it for a few sessions.

Do you mean mediation? My mediator sacked us as husband kept turning up drunk, even for the morning sessions.

No, not mediator. So was chatting to a friend who recommended one. The coach she recommended used to be a family solicitor but now is a divorce coach. So she knows the law but also provides emotional support - she'll talk through an action plan, helps you talk through your options. But also if your H becomes obstructive or things become v difficult you can have a session to dicuss strategies to overcome it without having to pay for a solicitor.

Having an advocate with expertise on your side who isn't charging legal fees sounds v appealing

It's obviously more money and may be a load of nonsense.

I would just pay for a solicitor tbh.

I think this soundslike a great idea. Like a doula rather than a midwife. And solicitors don’t help with the non-legal side but that can be even more of a head fuck.

I find these kind of attitudes really unhelpful.

some solicitors are better than others, but they aren’t miracle workers.

‘Kick ads’ solicitors tend to be very good at making a lot of money for themselves- at your expense

Rather than a divorce coach i would actually talk to your potentially stbex and communicate effectively over that the problems are and what to do to resolve eg mediation, splitting counselling ... assuming you cannot amicably divorce before you even start the process means much higher bills. Mine has cost me £1200 plus the essential filing fees you cannot get out of and we are both very much on speaking terms, important if you share children even adult ones

What exactly do you mean by ‘kick ass’ ?

because it sounds very confrontational and combative. If you have children together, it’s doesn’t make a great start to the Co parenting relationship.

and in a long marriage, you’re entitled to half of everything (homes, pensions, savings) anyway. Any solicitor worth their salt will point that out. No ass kicking required.

I don’t disagree that a good solicitor is great, in as far as they’ll be able to advise you what’s possible and what is included in the matrimonial pot. But they can’t change your position in a divorce. If you’re the lower earner you’ll come out thinking you’ve done well, if you’re the higher earner ( or have most assets), a divorce is not going to be fun for you.

But I despair at the language around divorce and I wish people would be a bit more grown up about it.

i think it’s perfectly reasonable to get your fair share of assets, but I find the whole ‘take him/her to the cleaners’ attitude to be grabby and tacky.

Check it not the ex solicitor who went to prison for fraud and is now a divorce coach

This sounds like someone I know. If it is she is fabulous (and no it's not me 🤣

Yes there is nuance- to the extent that if it goes to court, it’s up to the judge to decide how that pot is divided.

it’s basically a lottery- and depends on the judge making the decision. Lots of people who don’t get the result they want are represented by great lawyers.

any solicitor who says they can guarantee a particular result for you is a liar.

I find that the sadly the best settlements go to the most vile people because usually the other side agrees to something they don’t need to, just to put an end to the conflict.

Are you a pyramid scheme marketer by any chance?

No I'm really not. You can check back over my posts. I've been here for years.

@Disagreeable I used Sara Davisons team and found them incredibly helpful.

No she's a member of my family who is well known in this field if you live in her area.