Help with splitting assists/mediation

[Redhed87]

Hey, I’m getting divorced, it is not amicable.
for background, he owned a house when we met, I haven’t earnt as much as him or contributed to the household as much, but am on the mortgage and joint owner on the deeds. We were together about 9 years, married 7, although split 3 years ago and he has made it impossible to sort the divorce - and has refused to move out since. He had a separate room and often stays at his girlfriends. Life is hell.
we are finally doing mediation. I now work full time, we have a 3yr old and 4 yr old. He’s agreed I can have full custody, he will have visitation every other weekend.
I am asking for 72% of the assets in our divorce. This was after we had mediation to discuss our debts/assets/income etc. we both said what we needed - I need a house in our current village, 3 bed, for me and the boys. Otherwise I’d have to change job and my son would have to change schools. Which I don’t think is fair, and also if I changed jobs it would really impact my long term career and earnings. My ex had said he needs a 2 bedroom property with a wider acceptable area. We can both afford these things with the above agreement. But he is saying no, it’s not fair, and he wants 50/50. But I can’t agree to that. And I feel like a monster asking for more to be honest but I have to think about my kids - and myself. And I am bitter to be honest and biased and I don’t know whether I’m being unfair. So would really appreciate opinions. Thank you.

OP, you need to be realistic. Kids needs being to stay in their current school applies nainly to older children where changing schools would impact on their studies.

Unless your children have learning difficulties or health issues, a judge is unlikely going to consider staying local as a must need. Your job is another matter, but again, you would need to consider how this would have a significant impact if you moved and needed to commute.

Your need will be a 2 bed house, not 3. You need to consider whether your ex can evidence that 2 bedrooms properties are available locally. It sounds like both of you would be able to afford a 2 bed house locally.

Your pensions are considered of minimal abd likely to be taken into consideration if you are both still young. It could be if you are closer to retirement.

You have a similar income, and you will receive child maintenance.

With all the above, it is very possible a judge could rule 50/50. You might need to come out with a very good reason beyond the above to justify more. 70%? I think your chances are extremely low.

They aren't are rare as you think, I got one in October. No issues at all, it was the only offer on the table. He isn't a high earner as shown here.

You need to speak to a lawyer or a divorce coach to get proper advice rather than Mumsnet OP.

I don't think you are being unfair at all. They live with you OP and they visit the Dad a couple of nights a week maximum. I am in the same situation.

And a Mesher order isn't always 50/50 and can include contributions towards the mortgage.

The fact you got one does not mean they are not very very rare.

But I did heavily look into them and discuss them with my lawyer and they aren't, they are an every day occurrence. It is definitely worth looking into further.

Although it obviously kicks the can down the road, we have 11 years left in the family home with contributions made to the mortgage by both sides.

I took no pension so I could have more of the house, you need to weigh up the total package.

They are rare. You can google the stats

where parties don’t agree they are very hard to get. If parties agree then yes might be granted. Where things go to court contested, v unlikely