Panicking and confused.

[tellmesomethingtrue]

All along my solicitor has said go for a 60:40 split so I can afford to buy a small house to have my kids for half the time. I only work 27 hours as we share the school run. I wouldn't afford a house with a 50:50 split of the assets (house).

STBEXH told me today that he will agree to a 50:50 split only, and that his solicitor says this will be what happens. They say I have to increase my hours. I don't want to work full time as I hate my job and I can't rely on STBEXH to do the school run everyday. I gave up on getting childcare at the start of the year as the provision round here is so poor. Kids have after school club once a week.

Anyway, STBEXH says that we should not divorce yet and continue to live together (been separated for 6 months due to his fling). I feel sick with upset and panic. I don't want to carry on living in limbo. I feel like he is being coercive by telling me I can't divorce him yet. I'm
so confused. Why are our solicitors saying such different things? Doesn't his solicitor know that I simply want a decent roof over my head? I'm not trying to fleece him for all he's worth.

What happens if we won't agree on how the assets are to be split? He says he won't budge from 50:50.

Yeah I know. There is t any available round my way. Been trying for over a year to get something in place.

I suppose it's this that I need to get my head around.

Thank you for this. I'm too scared to call or email my solicitor as I'm worried they will charge for the communication. I don't really know what my next step is though.

Are you sure he doesn’t have a pension you can leverage? That’s what I did. Focused on what I wanted, when he said no told him if he gave it to me I wouldn’t go after his pension. He obviously got advice and saw I could so agreed.

By the way, yes he got the house and I probably could have kept fighting for more but the way I saw it, I got my freedom, which was worth much more.

Have you done mediation yet to decide on child arrangements?

Put them into practice now - who is going to do which days etc. if he is expecting you to do all the school picks up then you need to put in writing that isn't 50:50 and it's not about "overnights" it's about him being responsible for 24 hours at a time.

What split have to agreed - week on week off, 2,2,3 pattern?

I've been through it, OP, and you need to QUICKLY get your head around the fact that STBEX does not and will not have your best interests at heart, so you will have to start looking after yourself. If he gets 50-50 custody, you can work full time on the days he has the children. When you have them, you'll need to have aftercare in place. You may be able to work out a deal with your employer to work longer hours on the days without the children and leave work earlier on days with the children.

Do not try to keep the house. You cannot afford it. Start looking for cheaper accommodation. If he has a pension or any other savings, request half of that. You may or may not get it, but asking will put you in a better negotiating position.

Divorce settlements that depart from equality are due to needs, not wants. If it was a matter of you needing 60% because you cannot earn more you would have a case for departing from equality.

However, you want 60% because you don’t want to work full time. That is not a case for departure from equality, it is a want.

You will be expected to maximise your income and a settlement will be based on that. The days of courts being a soft touch on people in your situation are long gone I’m afraid.

This is really useful thank you.