adoption during divorce

[stumbleriltskin]

(On behalf of my partner)
Hello all.

Nov 23, hubby filed for divorce, I was fostering a 2yo, ( my 29th child)
Dec 23, I was "retired" from fostering
May 24 Hubby filed for adoption as a single parent
Nov 24 Now at financial disclosure stage, and he's listing the child ( and our 19 yr old daughter who's just started her 2nd yr of uni and is living in halls of residence) as children at the family home.

As I am not on the adoption papers, and as my daughter is over 18, how can I put this up in order for him not to benefit financially.

Thank you,

Footnote, my partner is living with me in France as she has zero income or savings, and the situation in the home was untenable.
We are just managing financially, but we can't afford a solicitor, whereas he can.

If the father has had an affair, resulting in a child, child maintenance is surely payable by the female he had relations with if he divorces. It would be an insult to try charge his wife for his tawdry behaviour.

How about this example

Is it a fair settlement if, 6 months after serving divorce on me, my STBEX enters into a large financial commitment, and expects to gain an additional financial court settlement?

Not sure what you mean by "put this up".

A 19yo is not a child and the court will not consider her one.

But that's neither here or there, you gave up / retired from foster caring so this child is now nothing to do with you.

This case is too niche for useful information from MN you need to phone and pay for a UK solicitor, presumably they must do remote meetings and/or retur to the UK and rent, lodge or stay in an AirB&B until this is sorted or get the Eurostar back when you need to. Trying to do it from a different country is just daft. You'll have to work to afford the fees etc, then once this mess is sorted then return to France

In your example yes the child maintenance is payable by the father. But the fact that he pays it means he has less available to him to pay for other things. So to that extent it remains relevant.

The reasons for a divorce are almost always irrelevant to the question of fair division of assets.

Your example of a large financial commitment 6 months after divorce is disingenuous as this child was a part of his and your life prior to divorce. He is continuing a commitment which he already had in the course of the marriage. The fact it's now officially adoption is not relevant.

Are you suggesting he's only adopted to get out of paying you a fair share?

As I said before and will happily repeat louder..

The starting point where there are enough assets to support both parties in rehoming is 50/50. The adoption is unlikely to impact that. But the fact he has a child he is legally responsible for is relevant to his needs.

If you would like to stand before a judge and say that he only adopted to shaft you financially you are well entitled to do so. But I would carefully watch the judge's face as you said for their reaction.

What you need to be looking at is:
What are the assets you both have.
What are the liabilities
What is a fair split with a starting point of 50/50

And because you already live with a new partner.. that is relevant and their income and assets are relevant too.

Sorry, I was meaning to (put this up) in front of the divorce Judge.

I had read that there were exceptions to the 18yr old rule, I think in situations of vunerable / disabled teens ( which she isn't)

Hang on, you’ve parented this child 24/7 since birth and now you’ve left and want no contact with him and are complaining that your ex is adopting him because it might cost you some settlement?

I stated that I believe the child maintenance should be payable, on divorce, by the childs biological MOTHER, it was her union with the husband that created the issue. Poor wife has been good enough to allow the child into her house, presumably without payment from it's mother, so now its her turn to pay maintenance.

As for being "Shafted", he has declared income of just over £30000, whereas his bank statements prove its Ca. £50000 ...... so I WILL be suggesting that he has less than truthful on form E.

My partners income (Pension)and financial declaration is already with other halves Solicitor and the court.

There are exceptions to the 18 year old rule.

As you say, largely for disabled children of the marriage who are now over 18 but are likely to need ongoing support due to severe disability.

Yes. Because that’s what WORKING as a foster parent means. The OP has no obligation towards that child. No more than a CM would have.

The fact he adopted that chikd is not here nor there. He could have adopted another child (or hit another woman og), the situation would be the same on the OP pob.

If he's lying on his Form A then that will absolutely be taken into account.

That's just a separate issue from child he adopted.

You've asked for advice and seem angry when it's offered. Divorcing is shit. And it's morally unfair from first to last.

My ex husband had over 50 affairs and I had paid for everything during our 10 year marriage whilst he dabbled in his "dream" business which of course failed. I had paid every penny of the mortgage and overpaid to be in a strong position.

Legally I owed him 50 percent of the equity in that house. Was it morally fair? Absolutely bloody not. Completely outrageous. But legally it's fair on the basis of what the law says.

Divorce is not fun and contested financial proceedings are lengthy and emotive. Although it's super hard, and I do speak from experience, the sooner you can concentrate on the numbers (and the truthfulness of the numbers) as opposed to the feelings the less shit it will be.

Good luck! France is lovely i hope you're enjoying life there this aside.

The first paragraph completely confuses me. That’s not how fostering or adoption works. The bio parent isn’t financially liable for a child that has been removed from their care by the local authority.
Whats the bit about the union between bio mother and husband? Who’s husband?
Are you posting both as the wife and her new partner? Stick to one or the other so it makes sense.

Your example of a large financial commitment 6 months after divorce is disingenuous as this child was a part of his and your life prior to divorce. He is continuing a commitment which he already had in the course of the marriage.

I disagree with that.
The OP was WORKING by fostering a child.
It was work. Not a commitment for life.
The ex chose to take on that child and adopt him. That’s fine if that’s how he felt toward the child.
But the fact the OP was fostering simply cannot be considered a commitment they took together as a couple.

You’re right, she doesn’t have an obligation, she clearly doesn’t have a conscience either.

Will you say that to all foster carers?
That if they chose to stop that work, then they have to carry on looking after those children ‘because really they need a conscience’?

If your point is that children in foster care have a crap life, they have.
If you say it’s crap they’re moved from one house to the next, then it is.

But then have a go at the system, the government (s) who set it up.
Not the people whose job it is (and are paid poorly fir it too)

I would say that to anybody that raises a child from birth to 4 years then leaves their life out of choice and refuses to have further contact. It will cause obvious devastation and trauma to a child who won’t understand that it was just a job.

Gosh there are some ridiculous judgemental comments on here

This is an interesting case and if he surprised if it’s ever been put before the courts at all

It’s a tricky one

Are you asking a judge to decide the split of assets or have you made a 50/50 proposal to your ex?

Id be surprised if he was allowed to remain there but otoh you have secured accommodation of your own and so you have somehow met your own needs whereas he will say he can’t meet the needs without your house - he may get an order to say he can stay there until the child is 18

Or he may be told you sell up and buy a smaller property

I would say that to anybody that raises a child from birth to 4 years then leaves their life out of choice and refuses to have further contact

So no one should foster from birth then? So what do we do with the babies?

What do you suggest we do with children who can’t stay with their birth parents then?

This, op/her partner for some reason appear to want to be obstructive in the adoption of the 4yo?
Yes so ones saying foster parents should have to have an ongoing commitment, but this just sounds bizarrely callous!

We dont keep and pay rooms for child +18 yo left home. Too expensive.

yes thankyou . I thought I was misunderstanding
Poor kid !

I'm unsure if your ignorance or arrogance is greater, Doreenon Till8.
Staying at the family home was not an option due to issues I will not identify on here. Moving out during divorce is quite common.
A friend of 40 yrs, offered for me to stay at his house in France, on a 1 yr visitors permit.
As social services had been informed by me of the divorce application, their procedure was to relocate the child.
That is the nature of fostering.
This forum states it is to offer support and advice, whereas you only spout vitriol.

@stumbleriltskin
Sorry I am confused. Is your ex adopting the former foster child on his own or a different child ? Surely he cannot adopt until the divorce is final anyway ?