My husband left me and my son 7days ago

[JadePerri]

I had been with my husband since 2011 and he was is the love of my life. I had our son in 2014 the build up was awful as he didn’t want a baby and refused to touch me even after he was born he didn’t want to touch me I asked him that if he wanted to leave please go as I didn’t want him trapped. Years later life was good he proposed and we got married in 2021 then may 2023 I caught him sexting a girl he dated/slept with before we got together. He refused to show me the text messages and said he would be embraced. Over the last years since that I’ve tried my best to to over come the betrayal and grief that caused I’ve gone to counselling and I’ve had the doctor up my antidepressants so I could over come. We started having more intimacy then this year it stopped he went distance again I’ve asked so many times are we ok and is he ok and evertime he would say we are fine and he’s invested we started going fishing together we would have a good time but he didn’t want to do family things saying he hated family stuff and that our boy was trying to replace him and that he fancied me and my mother and son bond was odd and made him uncomfortable making it sound strange. I’ve tried so hard to try and listen and take everything on abroad to make him happy but Monday I came home from work after he had ignored me all day to find him in the kitchen telling me he was leaving and it was all my fault that I hadn’t been nice to him over the years and he hadn’t been in love with me for a while. This has broken me he told me he was moving out so I packed his clothes and he was annoyed with me because he wanted to take a bag at a time and go through it I went in a safe that he had in our bedroom cupboard and he had the girls number he cheated with written on a lotto ticket dated from 2014. I told him I had looked and he was deeply offended and I had over stepped the mark going in there and he wanted in his words to fucking head butt me I’ve never spoken to him in a disrespectful way but I screamed for him to get out the house he did. He blames me for him cheating that I hadn’t pushed him into and that my dad who I was really close with that passed away would have stood with him and his choice to leave after I’ve been asking is he ok l. I’ve never felt as lonely and unseen as I have for the last year but apparently it’s all my fault things I’ve done in the past made big things and I’m not capable of change and he needs to put his happiness first now. He’s always told me he hates our boy and can’t wait for him to be 18 so he again in his words can fuck off. I’ve put up with so much and I’m so stupid because I want him to come home. Why can someone you love so much hurt you in this way

For god's sake OP, he is not going to kill himself.

This threat is a classic emotionally manipulative technique abusers leap to when they want to hurt, unsettle, scare people.

Parents do it, kids do it, partners do it ... It's very well known.

And he's got you hurt, unsettled and scared. Where he wants you.

Don't fall for it.

He actually sounds like a psychopath. You and your son are better off without him - in time you will meet someone who treats you kindly and who loves you the way you deserve to be loved.

Trauma bond is so ridiculous hard even now I want to say all his good sides and defend all his actions. For example he's always cooked and made me a pack lunch for work. He's drove every time when we did have days out but said my driving mad him sick. He called me every day before work and on my way home from work he did want me to come straight home and would be annoyed if I sat outside in the car when dinner was in the table. He would make dinner for us and have a bath ready for me and bring a drink up for me and then sit and play guitar while I was in the bath. Our child's diet was always hit or miss and he he would get really offended if he didn't eat his food or seemed not to like it. I'd come home from work some days and he wouldn't have made dinner for my boy and I obviously would but other days he did. He's never offered to do him breakfast on a Sunday morning but would make us food apart from when he would make him a cooked breakfast but hasn't for ages. He's didn't want him to drink glasses of milk but he buys him sweets on a regular basis even though he tells him he's fat. It was my birthday yesterday and it was the first time he's just ignored it. I asked him if I need to apply for csa and child maintenance I need him to help with the mortgage and our son. He's asked how much I need and I just said what you been paying all this time he's always been the higher earner. He came back with £400 and I said he's been contributing more than that which he's been putting £500 into the joint account and so have I He didn't message back after that I think I've really pissed him off and I'm not trying to.
He's bought me things over the ears that haven't been my style and I said I didn't like them and he's been offended by that over the years. I wish never said anything bow. He got me a Dyson hair drier after I'd just bought myself a different brand because mine was hurting his ears and the Dyson was supposed to be better for his ears. When we wanted a heated blanket he bought it no second thought I feel that if I'd been more grateful and selfish he wouldn't have become tho person. He made it seem like we had a good life but 2023 hit and he's just turned so bitter and I don't understand. I know he can be a good person he needs therapy he needs support. B V mom B bug

For the sake of you and your son , you need to try and not dwell on the happy times in the past .
The relationship you describe seems to have been quite a toxic one . Focus on the way he has treated you recently which is truly awful . I think it would be helpful for you to access therapy if you can . If you work for a large organisation they often have free counselling sessions , if not contact your GP or if you can pay privately which will be quicker .
On other threads there is a lot of support for the benefits of the "Freedom " programme . I think you can access this online . At the very least your H has been emotionally abusive towards you which is still classified as domestic abuse .
Your relationship was not a healthy one . You need to recognise this and try and move past this .