Married less than a year finances on separation

[DeceivedAgain]

What is reasonable?

I just discovered my spouse has carried on a relationship behind my back the whole time. When we married they had debts and a small pension pot. I had a mortgage free house.

They don't work or contribute to household expenses and have liquidated their pension to use as spending money.

I can't work now due to SEN child so used up most of my savings to cover bills. Will they have a claim on my house or savings if I apply for legal separation?

I would prefer not to divorce for religious reasons.

You can apply for a financial order upon separation via a solicitor but tbh I'd start divorce proceedings asap! As the marriage has been so short you have a good chance that you'll both leave with what you brought to the marriage. Doesn't matter how long you lived together. Seek legal advice quickly and kick off the process quickly

Most solicitors will give you a free half hour consultation, go to a few of these and then decide which one you want to go with.

you can’t get a marriage annulled because someone was cheating on you or not acting in good faith. There are very specific grounds for annullment and none seem to apply here unless the marriage wasn’t consummated (doesn’t matter that you had sex pre marriage).

He's several years off state pension age but was old enough to get access to his pension pot.

Fucking idiot, pardon my french.

UK, not cohabiting before marriage, he has not filed for divorce and probably won't I'm guessing.

Does splashing coffee about and treading food into carpets count?

You can do this! Any man who puts the mother of their children in a position where she can't be the best mother possible isn't a good father.
Take control, you won't be judged by us or a loving God.

Only transferring the balance of his tv licence unless I've forgotten some large contribution from his (secretively) liquidated pension to help my pay the bills when I had next to no money coming in. I'm sure I would have noticed.

I feel I'm not painting this man In a very flattering light. I need to practice this skill as I appear to have been wearing rose coloured spectacles and an eye patch.

Op, I read your posts and I envision a lovely gentle woman who avoids conflict. Possibly a people pleaser. And one that had high hopes for this relationship.
But this is not the relationship you had hopes for. You were sold snake oil. Get your claws out and claw your way out asap. For the sake of your child start divorce or annulment proceedings today. The longer you stay the more your child will loose.
As for religion, it doesn't matter what religion you are but God's or Allah (swt) nature it to forgive. Even God's outside these faith still forgive. Your God will understand, forgive and help you on this path.

Everything everone has said is helpful and I'm completely not ignoring the advice to start divorce proceedings,

Re legal/judicial separation - does this sound possible?

My offer : if you sign a post nup agreement stating you will not pursue any of my assets in the event of divorce and sign a joint application for legal separation it will be easier for you to access the medical help you need and I will support you in that and help ensure you have a roof over your head.

I will not pay for detox/rehab or private medical care of any kind or use any money or assets which should be available for our child's needs, to support you.

You will not have access to our child if drinking or detoxing. I will facilitate supervised access when you are sober and managing your health issues sufficiently not to pose any risk to our child.

If you don't want to do that, in the interests of our child, I will have to pursue divorce seeking the status quo ante.

Thank you so much for understanding

"this is not the relationship you had hopes for" I need to write that somewhere visible.

OP you really,really need to take proper legal advice. When you don’t understand the rules of the game you can’t protect your child or yourself.
the longer he is financially linked to you the more he will take from you. You are lucky here that this is a short marriage but time is ticking. Forget legal separation. It delays the inevitable and gives him more access to your assets.

I don’t think a postnup would have any more standing than a prenup.
Also you can’t do deals with addicts.

Act quickly, the shorter the marriage the easier it will be to sort out finances. I kept my house and pension and dc stayed wholly with me while ex kept what he had prior to marriage ( v little)however the whole relationship was short and there were other legal measures in place as to why contact was so limited.
I discussed my divorce with a priest friend and he was very understanding of it and supported me.

Prenups do have standing unless they are deemed to be unfair. It’s a myth that they are non binding - they will normally be upheld. As will post nups.

OP you need legal advice. We don’t know the assets here - what you and your DH own. However, with a short marriage, no prior cohabitation and where you are the primary carer of the child I wouldn’t expect substantial provision for him. Again it depends on the assets but in a larger asset case, his entitlement would be around half of the value of any assets acquired during the marriage. If it’s smaller assets then they will look at your needs, his needs and give priority to the welfare of your child which means you will need somewhere to live with her. After less than a year I’d argue it’s appropriate for you both to walk away with what you had pre marriage.

You can apply for financial provision as a follow on to judicial separation. The court can make nearly all the orders they can on divorce apart from pension sharing. The only thing they can’t do is make a clean break order and dismiss the claims but if he came back in the future for more and applied for a divorce, I wouldn’t expect him to get anything because the matter would already have been dealt with. So if you are adamant you don’t want a divorce then you could go the judicial separation route and get a financial order that way. I wouldn’t bother with a post nup - they cost money and you’re better off getting a court order (hopefully by consent).

But do get advice. He sounds like a twat so get out of there.

Get legal advice.

Issues relating to access to your child are dealt with separately to financial issues.

If you can agree access arrangements informally, this can be done. Failing that, you'll need child arrangement orders in place. In this instance, the court will set any specific conditions / restrictions relating to substance use/abuse.

The default for this is 50:50 time between parents. Where this is the case, child support payments may not be required. Any deviation from this usually requires money to be paid to the parent who houses the child the majority of the time. This award can be very small if the non resident parent has little money.

It is not uncommon, where a parent is hard up, that they seek to reduce their child maintenance costs by increasing the time the child spends with them - not for 'best interest' reasons relating to the child!

The above applies regardless of whether you are 'just separated' as opposed to divorced

Protect yourself and your child’s future. Divorce him ASAP. The short time of your marriage will reduce his claim on your assets. Otherwise you will lose your home and your child’s future security.

You had a child out of wedlock years ago but now don't want to divorce for religious reasons? That's quite perplexing.

This! Do it now. Are you Catholic? You can apply to the church for an annulment. If he was carrying on a relationship the whole time then they might annul. Speak to your religious leader. If you divorce quickly you have a good chance of each walking away with your own assets.

This sounds quite complicated. So I take it there are addiction issues? And visa/ settlement if you're saying marriage would make it easier for him to access healthcare? Just reading between the lines there

I think definitely worth speaking to a solicitor about your options including annulment.

The advice to separate your marriage legally, emotionally and spiritually is excellent. What does this mean for you long term, living with a connection to someone who has treated you that way whom you no longer wish to be married to? Could you reach a point of not feeling responsible at all for his issues? The thing is that it may be useful to keep time in mind rather than Considering this later on in terms of your assets. I understand you never asked to be in this position but that's because of him.

You still need your legal marriage dealt with. There’s no legal grounds for annulling her marriage. I haven’t heard of the Catholic Church offering a religious annulment. Surely if they did that then there wouldn’t be a problem with divorcees marrying in a Catholic Church because they can just get a religious annulment.

I have made contact with a solicitor, waiting to hear back.

All your advice has been really helpful. Thank you.

Well done OP. Do not waiver! We are all routing for you. This is your first step to a new you. A new, fear free future with your DC. There will be tough moments but all those will be less tougher than what you have with this man. Well done