Married less than a year finances on separation

[DeceivedAgain]

What is reasonable?

I just discovered my spouse has carried on a relationship behind my back the whole time. When we married they had debts and a small pension pot. I had a mortgage free house.

They don't work or contribute to household expenses and have liquidated their pension to use as spending money.

I can't work now due to SEN child so used up most of my savings to cover bills. Will they have a claim on my house or savings if I apply for legal separation?

I would prefer not to divorce for religious reasons.

so neither work?

liquidated their pension… so well into middle aged.

How old is your child? (his or hers too?)

You don't get a choice about divorce if you are in England. If your cheating spouse decides to file, then you can't insist you don't want to 'for religous reasons'.

Is the child yours alone, or with your husband?

How long have you been cohabiting before marriage?

If you get moving quickly the courts will agree that the marriage was short enough that you should both be returned to the financial state you had before you started.

You may be able to get the marriage annulled on the grounds that he clearly didn't make the vows in good faith.

If that doesn't work I suggest you reconcile in your mind that there are two different aspects of a marriage - the financial/legal side and the religious/spiritual side and you obtain a divorce legally and financially but if it's important to you, you can consider yourself as still "married" in the sight of God.

If you allow the marriage to continue much longer then yes he will start to have a claim on your assets.

Is your religion more important than having a roof over your head? He didn't marry you in good faith, he was cheating and lied when he made his vows, how does that square with your religious doctrine? You either need to see if you can get an annulment https://www.gov.uk/how-to-annul-marriage or wait until a year has passed and divorce him. The longer you leave it, the more you risk losing your house.

we won’t ever get remotely the full picture with this one!

You had a house mortgage free and you married a man with no money? Why?

I think you need to be thinking about what the best course of action is for your child. I think that should be more important than religious reasons.
If you don't get divorced then he will always be tied to your finances. You can't take that risk for your child's sake especially as you can't work.
I would see about getting the marriage annulled or in getting divorced. I don't know what religion you are but what do other people do in your circumstances.
It's a horrible situation for you to be in. I hope you have lots of support.

of pensionable age no less!

Really sorry for disappearing, a very difficult day. Thank you so much further replies. I will come back and answer.

How long were you together before marriage and which country are you in ?

if your h wants a divorce then you can’t stop it for any reason.

Has he contributed to anything in the house eg repairs or improvements ?

Doubt it unless he can prove he made a contribution.

He stopped work for health reasons 18 months ago.
I reduced work just before marriage because SEN child out of school (but hoping for placement soon and will then increase again)

Yes late middle age, child primary school age.

I am considering taking the initiative and applying for separation. I understand if he chooses to file for divorce I can't prevent it.

Yes joint child. Didn't cohabit before marriage.

Thank you, that is helpful

The key thing OP, is time. Go to a solicitor immediately and get the process underway because the longer you leave it, the more chance there is that he could claim part of your assets, leaving you and your child homeless.

The most important thing is my child's welfare.

You make a very good point and I appreciate your directness. My head is all over the place. It is a big mess.

I'm afraid that's a fair comment. I am withholding some information and I hope you can imagine why. This is appalling and confusing for me.

The reason I started this thread is because I'm having difficulty finding legal advice which I know I need. I'm hoping for some information from the wise MN community so I can start figuring out what options I have, if any. I think I need counselling too.

No religion can't be used as an excuse not to divorce, you need legal advice

Stupid?
Possibly a bit vulnerable.
Vulnerable, stupid and believing it was best for our child?

And/or lied to by a liar who turns out to have no respect for me or commitment to his child who adors him and who he has treated like a toy. I'm utter crap at spotting lies.
.

Thank you. Your kindness and good sense has me in tears again.

I feel sure you'll understand that alongside the totally disrespectful and unacceptable behaviour to me our child has a close and important emotional bond with this man. That's part of putting my child welfare first. Unfortunately the combination of previously mentioned health issues and SEN high needs there's no question of shared custody. They would always require another adult to give support for anything more than screen time and takeaways.